It's now so awkward with my friends...

[erised]

I'm almost 21 weeks pregnant. Told all my friends when I was about 14 weeks. My best friend did not take it well and my other friends all seemed happy for me but none of them have mentioned it since. Last night we had a small get together and had dinner for the first time since I told people I am pregnant and it felt so awkward. No asking about me or baby. My "best friend" made sure not to sit next to me and hardly spoke to me all night and my pregnancy felt like an elephant in the room (I also moved this week which was also not mentioned). Everyone made sure they dodged the subject like it was taboo? I eventually mentioned it as my friend invited me to an event in June so I said "Oh that sounds great but I think I'll be too pregnant by then" to which the response was silence from everyone and him just saying "Oh yeah....". I then just mentioned that on Monday we found out that baby is a girl and again the response was "Ok, cool..." with a lot of blank stares... No congrats or anything like I've seen other friends do. It's a very strange situation and I'm now not wanting to go out with them again.

I'm not expecting everyone to be jumping for joy for me or to be interested but I would at least expect some sort of care? I understand that I am almost definitely going to lose these friends when baby is here as our interests will be completely different. Has anyone gone through a similar thing? How did you deal with it?

I suspect the ones who are vocally against having children may actually want them but can't or are doubting their previous convictions and therefore they perhaps feel rather wistful/jealous/envious

Also they will fear/realise that naturally your friendships are likely to end/change forever. Your life will quite rightly become centred around your children and their lives with continue on with very little change and you will slowly but surely have less in common with them

I’d guess none of them want children or at least think they don’t at this stage in their lives so your pregnancy is a bit ‘meh’ to them. Either that or one of them has (unknowingly to you) experienced loss or infertility so they all avoided mentioning it so they didn’t upset that person.

Either way, I’d probably look at finding new friends who also have children.

This happened to me OP when I announced my pregnancy to my 2 best friends. One was very happy for me. The other of whom I have been best friends with for 15 years didn't speak to me for my whole pregnancy because she detests children and knew things would change.
The day I gave birth, the friend who hadn't spoken to me came to visit me in the hospital and instantly fell in love with my daughter once she was here. I am now married to her brother and she continues to remain an important part in our lives. Give her time to adjust. and if she doesn't. its her loss!

I suspect the ones who are vocally against having children may actually want them but can't or are doubting their previous convictions and therefore they perhaps feel rather wistful/jealous/envious

Not necessarily, that's a bit of a weird thing to say in 2020. I'm happy for my friends if that's what they chose to do, but I have no interest of having children of my own - it's my worst nightmare! Bit closed minded and outdated to suggest that choosing to not have children must mean you're unable.

My best friend has made comments in past like "If you ever have a kid, I'll disown you!" in what seemed like a joking way...

Apparently she wasn’t joking

Hey OP,

I think it definitely sounds like she's pushing you away, maybe without even realising, because she is worried that she is going to lose you to the baby. People have a funny way of protecting themselves from hurting and she may not even realise it's upsetting you. If she's your best friend I would certainly try to talk to her as it would be a shame to lose that bond you have when something so important is happening in your life. I hope things work out between you

@Ginnyrellas First time in this pregnancy that something totally unexpected made me cry and it was your post. The bit about you marrying her brother totally got me in the feels

@ConstantlyPanicking
Happy endings all round! She can't get rid of us now even if she wanted too

I hate it when my friends tell me they’re pregnant. I just know from that point on the friendship will never be the same again. All they will talk about is their baby and it’ll be impossible to make plans or if you do they always have to leave early.

None of my friendships have survived once a new baby comes along, but if I’m honest that’s probably because of me.

I suspect the ones who are vocally against having children may actually want them but can't or are doubting their previous convictions and therefore they perhaps feel rather wistful/jealous/envious

OR... shock horror, they just don’t like children!

It can be difficult. When I got pregnant, I was in a situation where one close friend didn't ever want kids / didn't particularly like them, and the other three wanted them but we're struggling to have them for various reasons.

I didn't expect them to chat about my pregnancy to be honest, because it's not really a thing, it's not like you have the actual child. Since DS has been here though, they've been great.

I also went to NCT to meet other women who were going through all the same things, and then made some friends at baby groups, who I chat about "mum" stuff with. My child free friends get the chat about the new house we're buying / politics / random shit, and my mum friends get the chat about how irritating toddlers can be.

If they're decent friends, you'll find a way to maintain relationships, even if they change for a while. If they want to "disown" you for having a baby, then you probably need to move on.

Very odd behaviour OP! Definitely confront your 'best friend' (I would be very upset with her for this behaviour it's really unfair and immature imo...) and ask what's going on. I also think she's probably protecting herself by distancing but it isn't fair on you. Classic avoidance behaviour. Those sorts of people can be very very hurtful.
I'd also ask another trusted friend about what's going on. Just say that you understand they might not want to chat baby constantly, but the way they all acted at the dinner made you feel sad, and you wondering if something is going on that you missed?
Hopefully you can make some new, nicer friends if they continue to be shitty! I truly think their behaviour is super disappointing.

I was disowned by my best friend when I got pregnant, she's just not a baby person and sadly as soon as I told her I felt her slip away. She's just not interested in hanging out with my and my child. I think I saw her 2 whilst I was on mat leave for 12 months. Some friends just aren't into children so it does happen. Give it time and see if she comes round and if not you can make lots of new friends when you start spending tine with other new mums xx