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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant and fiancé in hospital - emergency

70 replies

RainMinusBow · 05/03/2020 01:57

I'm almost 28 weeks' pregnant and my fiancé has been admitted to Leicester hospital as a matter of urgency.

He's had a bad back for years (he's 44) but recently it's got a lot worse. Has been to GP so many times and even casualty as pain unbearable but they've just given him pain meds etc.

Anyway, he found this morning that he couldn't wee.

Went to A&E who eventually did bladder scans and emergency MRI. Fitted him with a catheter and now have referred him via ambulance. Awaiting to hear if he needs urgent surgery.

They have said it could possibly be Cauda Equina which indeed needs urgent surgery and can lead to permanent incontinence as well as lots of other issues.

I'm at home waiting to hear but can't sleep. I'm so scared.

I am also feeling very bloody angry that he's had to get to this point where irreversible damage could have been done when he kept saying things weren't right.

This is his first baby (my third) and I honestly don't know how we're going to cope if things don't get better or worse.

by MNHQ at OP's request

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Booboostwo · 05/03/2020 12:45

Mine took 3.5 hours. Hang in there OP.

Skierrdery · 05/03/2020 12:50

Moomin - oh my apologies - now that I read it again I can see that's what she's angry about. I would be too.

naturallydelicious · 05/03/2020 19:59

@RainMinusBow how did your fiancé's operation go ?

Cantchooseaname · 05/03/2020 20:35

Hope it went well, and that the days ahead are easier for you.

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 05/03/2020 22:18

Thanks all. It went according to plan - he went in just before 9 am and was texting me at 12 pm to say he was OK, bless him.

I went to see him this afternoon which was so lovely and such a huge relief. He's making good progress and desperate to come home, but I've told him not until he is better first!

All being well he should be out over the next few days or so.

Obviously the catheter is still in and will be for quite some time to give everything a chance to heal but we will take it from there.

He has given me instructions to return to work tomorrow (I'm a SEN teacher) and he has his mum and dad coming to visit.

I can't wait to get him home when he's able, I'm just a worried as I work ft and he'll be at home with a catheter bag and wobbly on his feet. Luckily my mum (retired nurse) is just down the road so we have support but I wish so much I could be at home with him myself.

Thank you so much everybody for your support and kind words at a very difficult time xxx

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 05/03/2020 22:21

That all sounds very positive .

ClientQueen · 05/03/2020 22:28

Make sure he follows his instructions about recovery - it's really important to, so to give him the best chance of a complete recovery
Mine were no lifting anything other than a half full kettle, no twisting and no bending (as in not even to spit toothpaste out)
No sitting for longer than 45 mins - sitting is the devil for discs and to either lie down or stand up (pillow between knees if lay on side)
And to walk as much as possible to stop any adhesions to the nerves. I took this a little far and built up to 10k, on my follow up the consultant "I meant a stroll round the park not power walking"

He may get weird and wonderful symptoms. I had calf cramps followed by hamstring cramps followed by pins and needles down my arms into my hands. All from them messing with the nerves
I was back on my horse 8 weeks post op and doing some light gym rehab work

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 05/03/2020 22:34

@ClientQueen Thank you, I will do. Really useful info. Tempted to set up CCTV while I'm at work so I can keep an eye on him!! 😆

He loves walking and is a very active man so I don't think we'll have any problems there.

I will however struggle with getting him to rest as he insists that it is his duty to look after me now that I'm officially in the third trimester!!! He will find the role reversal a challenge but he has no choice in the matter!

OP posts:

ClientQueen · 05/03/2020 22:36

I was shattered so don't be worried if he is! I think I spent 3 weeks napping, watching an episode of Buffy, napping, eating, napping... the cat was in his element
They said it was because it was a long op, I went down at 10am and woke up at 4pm. Walked at 5pm, discharged 1pm the next day
Surgeon said I was wilful and stubborn

Booboostwo · 05/03/2020 22:37

Great news, glad it all went well.

Funniest symptom by far is the vibrating bottom...I kept thinking I had sat on a phone, but no it was just my nerves going all funny and vibrating my bottom!

Cantchooseaname · 06/03/2020 04:57

That’s great news- keep up the physio.

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 06/03/2020 11:59

Just found out that it was CES. He should have been referred for an urgent MRI when he first reported bladder issues!!!!

OP posts:

Booboostwo · 06/03/2020 14:51

That is very frustrating. I got turned away from two A&Es over the course of 5 days, while my symptoms worsened and while MN posters had correctly diagnosed me. It's easy to get lost in what ifs but perhaps it's more healthy to just focus on the future.

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 07/03/2020 11:58

Update...he's probably coming home today.

Whilst on one hand I'm thrilled because I've missed him sooooo much, I'm also terrified. He'll be with a catheter for some time and is obviously still not steady on his feet. I will help him as much as I can but this is going to be easier said than done when 28 weeks' pregnant and still working full-time. I just don't want to let him down.

OP posts:

octoberfarm · 08/03/2020 03:32

You won't let him down, OP. You're there for him every step of the way, even with everything else going on, and that's what matters. Hope he got back home safely and that you're doing okay - be kind to yourself

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 08/03/2020 03:51

@32octoberfarm Thank you. Sadly tonight I'm having some very dark thoughts which I feel very selfish for having after all OH has been through.

He's home but in a bad way - he can barely immobilise and of course is very reliant on me. As well as being 28 weeks' pregnant I have two boys and am elderly dying dog to look after too, and I have to go to work on Monday (I work ft as a SEN support teacher). I'm barely sleeping due to having to help him but mostly with anxiety.

He might never get back his bladder function or be able to properly walk again. I know he will always have a level of permanent pain.

I feel like I shouldn't be bringing a baby into the world. It's not fair on anybody. I feel like adoption is going to be the best option potentially but I know that my OH won't agree to this.

I have got a mw appt next week but I want to cancel. I don't want any more bad news. I want to almost forget about the baby.

So sorry to be so down. I'm just angry, scared and tired.

OP posts:

cultkid · 08/03/2020 03:53

Hey this is such a sad update
You sound so tired
can your mum take the boys?
Can your dog go to the vet to be looked after for a few days so you can rest and be with your husband?

Sending you strength

octoberfarm · 08/03/2020 03:56

You have an enormous amount going on, and things coming from every angle. I know it's hard and you must feel so incredibly overwhelmed and sad, but try to put off any big decisions (or even the pressure to come up with solutions) for a few weeks until things have started to settle a bit and you have a better idea of what things will look like moving forward. You have a few months left before the baby comes, so you don't have to figure this all out tonight. Or even this month. You're not being selfish at all - you're scared and it's all so unfair and it's too much for you to have to cope with alone. Things will get better as the new normal starts to settle, and you know where you stand. It'sjust such a lot to deal with right now. Do you have any real life support you could call on for some practical help? I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 08/03/2020 03:58

@cultkid Mum has Stage 3 cancer so can't really expect her to do more than she's already doing. No way I can afford vet care for dog sadly. I have to go to work Monday as need the money but terrified he'll have a fall or worse.

@octoberfarm - no idea where the 32 came from in previous post!

OP posts:

Skierrdery · 08/03/2020 03:58

If it's a toss up between the elderly dying dog being euthanized or you giving your newborn up for adoption, which one is winning?

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 08/03/2020 04:02

@octoberfarm I wish I had some practical help but we don't. Mum's poorly and both dad and brother are autistic. Fiancé's family live almost two hours away.

Can't take time off work as desperately need the money. We both work ft but on low wages.

I was selfish to get pregnant I guess but never knew this was going to happen. OH never thought he'd be a dad so was sooooo thrilled when he found out but right now it feels like a baby is the last thing any of us need.

OP posts:

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 08/03/2020 04:05

@Skierrdery The dog I can just about deal with - it's everything else. Of course we will put her to sleep when it becomes the right thing to do.

OP posts:

PixieDustt · 08/03/2020 04:08

The recovery time can be anything from 4 months - 32 months isn't it?
Your OH might recover quicker than you think.
It must be a scary time for you OP but you'll be able to do it.
What is it that makes you think you can't do it with a baby?

lightlypoached · 08/03/2020 04:08

Hey, dark,thoughts in the depth of night when you've had a nasty shock is hardly surprising. It's hard to see right now It but it will be all be just fine, and you will cope. Your baby will be beautiful and much loved by you both. Your DH will recover and be there for the baby.

Take one thing at a time, one day at a time. You have plenty of time before the baby comes.

The next couple of weeks will be hard going no doubt but nothing a strong mother like you can't deal with. And you have family. Ask for help, and take it. Lean on parents of your other DCs friends to give you some support during the week. Ask for parental leave if you need it.

Try writing down all of the things whirring round in your head, put them in a list and get them out of your head. Put that to one side until tomorrow. Make a cup of herbal tea and drink it. Stroke your bump and talk to your new baby, she's part of you right now so you are not alone. Lie down and gradually tense and untense each part of your body, starting at your feet, working upwards.

In the cold light of day have breakfast, look at the list and work your way through it. There will be things in there that seem ludicrous when you look back at them (cross those out), and some that you can make a plan against. Make the plan, and if you are stumped talk to your DH or mum. You are not alone.

And MN is always here 'be got this, you really have.

Original poster

RainMinusBow · 08/03/2020 04:26

Aw thanks so much, @lightlypoached. I'be come downstairs so I can have a good cry without disturbing OH.

I don't feel like I have family really, nobody's fault. My mum is ill and my dad and brother are autistic so can't really support. I used to be close to mum but can't burden her with my issues now. I don't have friends through kids as working ft I have no physical contact with schools (Dad/OH do school runs).

I want to love my baby but on the other hand feel like pushing her away. I know that makes no sense logically as none of this is her fault, but I feel like perhaps I am doing the wrong thing by her and the rest of the family.

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