Social services referral

[Ajlaisy]

My partner and his ex girlfriend had a very toxic relationship and before breaking up he threw water over her whilst his baby as in her arms she phoned social services (which was already involved as she smokes weed and admitted this to the midwfie) and he was stopped from seeing his daughter he had to go on an anger management course which he did and go on a drug course even though he hasnt smoked cannabis in over 4 months and doesn't touch any other drugs after this he should be allowed unsupervised contact again, i am pregnant from a previous relationship due to give birth in 4 weeks, today he received a phone call saying that they will be referring me to social services but without him there would not be an issue I have a decent job house and car, are social services going to take my baby away when I give birth to her, what is going to happen, if they spoke to me and said if you carry on seeing your partner she will be taken away I would always chose her but I'm freaking out right now that I'm not going to be given that option. I don't feel he is a threat to me or my child, can somebody please advice me on what social services will do at all

They will tell you if they think he is a danger and why and if that danger doesn't reduce and you dont act to safeguard your child I.e not having him around her or ending the relationship they will tell you that you are prioritising the relationship over the safety of the child. This is the ultimatum. If you continue to do do with documented and monitored risks then the child will be removed from your care to a safer home.
However couples can be put on a plan and change and achieve the objectives of the plan and the child won't be removed.

@CodenameVillanelle

Yes but you wouldn't actually say "you need to leave him, you cannot be with him" you would say "if he stays we will step things up to x or the plan will continue etc." Afterwards you might say "obviously if you get back together with him we will have to escalate things" but you won't say (at an early stage) you need to LTB or shits gonna get ugly. You expect people to understand statements such as "we have no concerns about you but will become involved while he is in the picture" and respond to them appropriately.

If I were you I would ask the allocated social worker or the police(its either claire or Sarah's law I forget which relates related domestic abuse) to disclose any history that may put you or your unborn baby at risk. As pp have said it's very unlikely that the incident you know about was the only one and you need to be fully informed to make a decision.

Personally I think I would be ending the relationship - your baby is not his and he has bought social care into your life. If they have significant concerns about this man then your child may be placed on a child in need or child protection plan if you are not seen to be acting to protect your child. This is why you need more information on the history.

Why the fuck are you with a man who would throw water over a woman holding a baby?

Sorry this man has brought so much drama into your life in the short time you've known him. It sounds like he's made things quite stressful and difficult.

Do you want your baby growing up with all of this? Do what's best for your child and dump the drug using abuser. He's not even the child's father, I don't know why you would risk social services involvement or the worry of losing your child over him. At the end of the day, he's not important, your baby is.

Becoming a parent means putting your children before yourself.

Time to start acting like one.

Hard to say exactly what social services will do as only they are in the know of all the facts but I echo what others have said above - just leave this man and put your baby first.
I also wanted to point out that having a decent house/car/job will not protect you if ultimately social services find a reason that your baby will not be safe in that environment. Social services do not just take children away from poorer/unemployed families - they could take children away from the royal family if they had a good reason to!

If you break up with h8m, there will be no need for social services to be involved with you or your baby,

How long have you been together? Is your baby’s father going to be involved? Sounds like a very messy and complicated situation.

Might be an idea to cool things with this new bloke and concentrate on your baby... doesn’t sound like you have the full story about what happened with him and his ex...

I am also a social worker and fully aware of procedures . Nobody on this forum can categorically tell the poster "no it won"t happen". You hAve neither knowledge or authority and a vulnerable poster could take you at your word.

Complete failure of PCF 1 , please don't give the profession a bad name

Apply for Claire’s law. Social services would not be involved “just” Because his ex partner smoked cannabis.

@anothermurkyday yes ss do tell you to leave a partner that is a threat to a baby. My daughter was told its either him or the baby will be taken (to legally live with us) As it was she didnt hesitate. He had fooled her into thinking they were all against him and he hadn't done anything wrong. The forensic evidence proved otherwise when it went to court but fortunately she had left him before then. He could have still had supervised contact if he had abided by the court's suggestions to do anger management etc but he refused and we havent seen him since. OP ss dont mess around. Please take this is a huge red flag that this man is not to be trusted. They havent just been in his life for 5 minutes. He has played down what he did to his ex which I'm sure my dd ex will do with his new gf. We were told that any further children with new partner would immediately be referred to ss. It's very serious. Please just move on with your life and enjoy your precious baby who does not need someone else problems ruining both your lives. Also to add sorry, if you decide to stay with him you will face a lengthy and intrusive battle with ss. They will be in your life constantly and you will have to show them you dont leave your baby unsupervised with him. Though that's a whole other nightmare x

Ok yeah sorry I shouldn't have said NEVER what I meant was, don't wait for them to spell it out in the exact phrasing. It might be too late by then

when i break up with him
See, you already show how capable you are at putting your child's happiness and welfare before your own in just this statement alone.
I doubt social services will leave you alone after the baby is born. You are likely to be watched with regards to your competency in making decisions that keep your baby safe.
There's lots of levels and assessing that they will do but if you show that you have a great support network and that your child is not at risk, they will back off.
Work closely with your health visitor after your child is born and this further cements that you are more than capable of providing a safe and loving environment for your new family.
Just focus on being pregnant right now, try to plan for the arrival and put the threat of social services to the back of your mind.
You are more than capable of parenting your child safely.

This all sounds really chaotic op. You say you have a decent house, job and car so you're obviously switched on enough. Would it be fair to say you make poor decisions when it comes to men? Maybe you need to look at the reasons why that is.
When it comes to this, very new relationship, do you want to be with a man who throws water over his partner while holding his child? A man deemed not safe to have unsupervised contact with his child?
Is he worth social services investment with your own child?