Advice regarding overbearing mother in law post birth

[MrsRose2018]

Hi ladies,

I want to start my saying my relationship with my MIL is complicated! We “get on” but relations are tense and under the surface we don’t really like each other (lol).

My first child is due 18 July, and my MIL who lives in Birmingham (we live In manchester) has asked to come down on the 1st August for the weekend! Is this unreasonable?

I think it is as we will have hardly settled into a routine by that point and she’s a demanding house guest! Also I don’t want any interference in my parenting.

However she’s the momma of My DH (who I ADORE) and the grand momma of this baby! Also my mother who lives 10 mins away will ofc be floating around during those two weeks! Should I let this go? Ask her to come but get a hotel or ask her to wait a bit?

Discuss 🤔 x

My first child was 2 weeks late . You might want to tell her that if you've not had the baby say a week before 1st August then she might not want to come

Realistically you dont know when you're going to give birth. Ive been asked to agree to visits before my baby is here, and ive just told people to wait until the babies here, then we can make plans.

Whatever you feel comfortable with do.
I am a first time mum and when it was time to introduce dd to the in laws after 2 weeks I was so nervous and anxiety through the roof. I didnt feel ready. And that was only for a few hours.
I just was scared I would do something wrong or baby would be upset and I couldn't settle her. So it is absolutely when you are ready. And you dont have to make q decision any time soon. Wait till the baby is born and let her know then. You don't know how you will be feeling.

Baby could arrive later also and if it's set in stone the date she's staying won't be good.

Congratulations by the way

Goodness, thank you all for your responses!

This is obviously a very divisive topic and I really appreciate all your perspectives!

I’ve been away with work for a week and haven’t seen DH at all. This MIL update was via text 🤦‍♀️. I don’t want to get into things with him tonight as I’m shattered and have missed him so following a very brief FaceTime we agreed:

• yes she can come in the 1st PROVIDED I don’t have a C, I’m not late and mamma and baby are well. Otherwise she will need to reschedule.
• MIL needs to stay at a hotel and we can come a fetch her for family time

Again, thanks for all you help! It’s been useful seeing the other side of the coin but also knowing that I’m not being unreasonable

Also, lol at the dog comment

I see nothing wrong with this - and because she lives further away I imagine she won't see the baby half as much as your mother / other people will?

She may also not be demanding as normal - if she asks for something (a cuppa etc) just tell her to 'make herself at home' and go and make one.

I would also use it as the perfect time for grandma to be helping with night feeds whilst mummy & daddy get some well earned rest :)

I'd let her. You might be thankful for the help when baby is born.

Hotel is wise. Last thing you want is someone on your sofa when you just want to be comfy in you own home.
For anyone saying you are unreasonable I dont really understand their logic, your not having a planned section and could be giving birth anywhere up to 2 weeks after your due date.
Think it's more then reasonable to expect some time to yourself before having to entertain guests in your house for a whole weekend.

Hotel is wise. Last thing you want is someone on your sofa when you just want to be comfy in you own home.
For anyone saying you are unreasonable I dont really understand their logic, your not having a planned section and could be giving birth anywhere up to 2 weeks after your due date.
Think it's more then reasonable to expect some time to yourself before having to entertain guests in your house for a whole weekend.