Missed miscarriage - what to do next? :(

[Booni]

Hello, sorry if this topic has been discussed on Mumsnet recently. I am new here and will be grateful for your advice. I had my 8 weeks scan done recently and everything was fine, doctor was very pleased with my pregnancy... Unfortunately my 12 week scan today showed that baby has died. It was only 7mm big and there was no heartbeat. I am heartbroken and still in shock. I was given 3 options and not sure what to do 1. wait to miscarriage naturally 2. Pills/gel 3. Having an operation. I definitely dont want to wait for this to happen naturally I am thinking either pills or operation. I am worried with pills something will go wrong and will bleed heavily at home and will surgery I was told you need to wait 3 months to start trying again? Please help

I'm sorry for your loss.

The medical management tends to have the quickest completion rate. I had opted for this route but then things happened naturally before the appointment to have the meds. The natural route meant I was at home but it took a while. I ended up taking the meds anyway after follow up scans had shown that things hadn't fully completed. The medication route was in hospital in a controlled environment.
I can't comment on the surgical route as I never went that way.

I’m so sorry OP. I have had the surgical option. I had no pain and very little bleeding afterwards. Have a look at the miscarriage boards, very helpful threads on what to expect on there

I've had both. The surgery was quick and recovery (physical) quick also. I wasn't told to wait 3 months before trying again afterwards? I was told I could try after I'd had a period but that did take 7-8 weeks.

The medical management with tablets was a different miscarriage. It was like having a heavy and painful period at home. I found it more emotionally upsetting because there was lots of blood (with the surgery there wasn't). My main reservation with the tablets was that I was told there was a chance they wouldn't work and I was worried I'd take them and need the operation anyway. Fortunately that didn't happen and everything was 'expelled' but it can happen.

Personally, I found the operation the lesser of the two evils. Was over quicker and hardly any bleeding afterwards. I don't think my period taking a while to start had anything to with the operation. I believe that's down to how quick your hormones get back to normal which can vary.

Sorry you're going through this. I know it's heartbreaking.

So sorry that you're going through this OP, it is a truly horrendous time and experience. I had a mmc at 8 weeks and had surgical management at 12 weeks. I found out that the pregnancy had ended at 8+5 and didn't miscarry in that whole time between so felt like I never would. Surgery for my was the right choice as I didn't want to deal with any of graphic element and I'd read that it can be extremely painful to do medical management.

I’ve had medical management for 2 miscarriages (after a natural complete miscarriage which I found very scary and I wouldn’t put myself through again). The first time it was all over with in 5 hours, the second time I was back for days later for another dose as it hasn’t worked. I did find it incredibly painful and the pain has been likened to labour, which I can believe. It only hurt for my though for about 40 minutes each time, basically the bit where I was actively miscarrying, once it was over the pain stopped instantly. If i needed to I would choose this option again as for me this felt like it had fewer risks when compared to surgery or MVA - however this doesn’t mean my choice will feel to you that it has fewer risks as it’s so personal. Take a bit of time to read up on your options. Each have pros and cons. So sorry this has happened to you x

Four days later*

I had the surgical management, it was actually a pretty painless experience and I hardly bled at all afterwards. My period returned after 5 weeks. So sorry you are going through this, it's a really horrible time x

I had 2.5 weeks of it happening at 10 weeks naturally then had the surgical. I'd recommend the surgical, more like a period after for a few days. Very manageable, no pain really, unlike naturally which is very random and was quite heavy. I know some people miscarry in a few days and it's done. It's different for everyone.

I'm very sorry for your news, do take some time off it's very hard emotionally, and the shock. My cycles were messed and all over the place for a good few months after.

If trying again soon is important to you and you're considering medical management (pills), check with your doctors whether this would mean you'd need to wait at all. My understanding is that the medications involved can sometimes mean that this is the case.

Personally I went with expectant management (waiting), but I can absolutely understand that's not right for everyone.

I am so sorry for your loss

I had a natural miscarriage at home and would not recommend it. There was vast amounts of blood, it was extremely painful (couldn’t get up off the floor painful) and it was obvious when the baby passed, which I found very distressing. I also bled heavily for two weeks afterwards and was very unwell.

I haven’t had surgical management, but I wish I had.

All the best to you

Medical management was a total disaster for me, I almost died. I realise that is probably a rare situation but basically the foetus retained and I started to haemorrhage so went into shock and needed emergency surgery and blood transfusions. The room looked like a murder scene, there was just blood absolutely everywhere and I suffered from PTSD and insomnia for a substantial amount of time afterwards.

I had surgical management for my second missed miscarriage and it was absolutely fine in comparison. I didn’t bleed much afterwards and I felt so much better mentally and physically. I’d recommend that option to anyone, you don’t have to see the clots and such which can be distressing.

Hi OP,

So sorry to hear what you're going through I know how hard it is. Exactly the same happened to me, I went down the route of surgery and I think that was the best option for me as there wasn't much pain or stress of going through what the tablets put you through.

They where also able to run tests to see if anything had caused the missed miscarriage and it turned out I'd had a molar pregnancy which I then had to be tested for for months after as it can cause cancerous cells. They wouldn't have known this had I gone down any other route.

Completely what you feel most comfortable doing but I'd definitely recommend surgery.

So sorry again and sending hugs ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss

I went through the same thing this time last year, I know how devastating it is. I couldn’t face waiting as nothing had happened in the last 4 weeks and wasn’t keen on medical management, especially if it would end up in surgery anyway.

I was lucky to get a cancellation slot for surgery so I didn’t have to wait long but it was absolutely the best decision for me and a fairly positive experience, the hospital were amazing. I didn’t bleed much after the first day and ovulated about 3 weeks afterwards so didn’t take long to get back to normal although it did take till 4th cycle to conceive a sticky one again, maybe I just needed longer to heal than others but am currently 32 weeks along. Take it easy and be kind to yourself x

Here’s my thread about my surgery experience if it helps

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/3504239-Missed-Miscarriage-Surgery-Experience www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/3504239-Missed-Miscarriage-Surgery-Experience

Really sorry you're in this situation

I had a MMC at around 10 weeks and quickly opted for the surgical route. I was in enough emotional distress as it was and felt I didn't want to add a tough physical situation onto it as well.

I was discharged the same day, had some light bleeding/spotting for a few days and very, very mild cramps. Then my period returned the following month and I was pregnant again very soon after. For me, that was definitely the right decision. I was terrified of it happening naturally whilst I was home alone, or worse, at work.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

So so sorry for your loss. This happened to me and I, like you, didn't want to wait for it to pass naturally. I had the pills and it was obviously a horrible and upsetting experience but only bled for a few days, like a heavier period. I was glad I took action because then it meant it was less time until we could try again. Sending you lots of love - you WILL get through this. x

You need to weigh up the pros and cons of each and decide for yourself. Personally I wanted the method that carried less risks so opted to wait a while and when that didnt happen (it actually had but sonographer told me otherwise). I went for medical management. My choice was based around the fact that surgery carries more risks and it is a blind procedure. The risks are still minimal though obviously.

Tfmr I had to have medical management as they won't operate on NHS past a certain gestation. However, when placenta wouldn't come out I was forced into surgery.

You really need to consider this in terms of what you want as I think different people will have different preferences.

So sorry OP. I have had 4 miscarriages and I would also opt for the ERPC in your shoes. It's traumatic to go through surgery and have them take your baby away. But not half as traumatic as going through a natural miscarriage in my experience.
I was never told to wait 3 months but they did tell me to take as long as I needed to heal emotionally. It has been almost a year and I am still not there. Take your time and be kind to yourself