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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Told my best friend I’m pregnant, now we don’t talk...

33 replies

Emma2503 · 23/02/2020 10:37

I had the gruelling task of telling my best friend I was pregnant and due before her wedding, I was MOH and telling her broke my heart. I reassured her and told her I’d do everything up until the point I couldn’t and I wanted to try and still be at the wedding.

Naturally in the beginning she was shocked and had to take time to think about it, which I fully respected and after time, we started speaking again, but she turned quite spiteful (whether she knows or not) and started bitching about one of her other pregnant friends who now can’t attend her hen party, she’s also started talking down to me and putting more stress and pressure on me because she’s been told she shouldn’t be stressed with the wedding.

We’ve now hit a point where we just don’t talk, I’ve grown bored of the way she was talking to me and I guess she’s run out of negative things to say to me.

Obviously I don’t want to lose our friendship but this has got me wondering if she was even a friend to begin with. Has anyone been through similar?

OP posts:

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Chanel05 · 23/02/2020 11:07

Unfortunately, some people can be very near sighted when it comes to their wedding. I fully respect that it's the most important thing in the world to the bride and groom but it isn't the centre of the world to all others. When I was planning my wedding, I kept that at the forefront of my mind having lost a lifelong friend because I couldn't attend their Friday wedding or Friday hen do because of work!

It must be hard for her since you were the MOH but I think it's out of order to be rude to you because you are pregnant. You cannot stop living your life because it doesn't suit someone else. I'd stay friends but keep this strop of hers noted. Wedding or not it is a strop and the world hasn't stopped turning because your pregnancy doesn't suit her ideal wedding photos.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

CoolNoMore · 23/02/2020 11:10

I find this situation a bit grim and am looking forward to seeing what other people have to say. I was due the day before my oldest friend's wedding, so I phoned her up, she was very happy for me, and I had a great time at the hen do (until 21:30 when I went to bed ). I gave birth the day after her wedding and happily informed her that hers was the only wedding anniversary I would never forget. She gave me online access to all the photos, so I got to experience it in some way. I'm gutted that your friend is behaving like this, but I'm not particularly interested in weddings, so maybe my opinion is way off mark. Your baby is much more interesting and important than any wedding in my view! I think you've been very tolerant. Much more than I would be.

Bezalelle · 23/02/2020 11:26

Are people honestly so inward-looking and selfish that they would be annoyed at a friend for being pregnant? I actually find this astonishing and really sad. OP, you've done nothing wrong. Your friend sounds like a nightmare. The amount of bridezilla behaviour that goes on sometimes makes me ashamed of women.

MisssC3025 · 23/02/2020 11:36

Obviously I don’t want to lose our friendship but this has got me wondering if she was even a friend to begin with. Has anyone been through similar?

Hi OP just jumping on as this infuriates me! This part you've written sums it up. Your gut is always right. She isn't a good friend! It's very selfish. If she was a true friend she would be over the moon for you and would support you as you would her.

How dare she need time to think about it and then go cold on you. If it was me I wouldn't waste my energy on her..you don't need people like that around.

I honestly don't know what else to say. I don't even know this girl and it makes me angry. Could be pregnancy hormones! But no that's not nice!

Good luck in your pregnancy and try not to let this get you down. Your little baby is way more important. 😊

Delbelleber · 23/02/2020 11:38

I agree with bezalelle

anjahaa · 23/02/2020 11:40

That's awful that your friend would behave that way.

My best friend found out she was pregnant a few days before my hen do, I was over the moon for her. She still came along and had fun without the drinking. I made sure she went back to our apartment at a reasonable time so she wasn't too tired. Made sure she had a dress she felt comfortable in the wedding day as she wasn't ready to tell anyone else by that point and made sure that she had plenty of chances to sit and rest up throughout the day.

I don't remember ever feeling any spitefullness or upset towards her.

Is it worth speaking to your friend about how you feel? She might not realise, and if she does she might have a reason (although that doesn't mean it's right)

user1493413286 · 23/02/2020 11:48

Why was she shocked and needed time to think about it? One of my bridesmaids had her baby a couple of weeks before my wedding and my main priority was her and baby being safe and well; she did make it to the wedding and yes part of me would have been disappointed if she hadn’t have come but I would have completely understood.
Peoples lives don’t stop for weddings and babies cannot be planned around these things. I hope after the wedding when her bride hysteria calms down that she realises how awful she’s been

Youngatheart00 · 23/02/2020 11:52

Is she off with you because she feels you’ve thrown a spanner in the works of her wedding plans, or could there be more to it? Could she be struggling with infertility? Or perhaps she’s lost other friends to becoming mothers and is feeling like she will be left out. I don’t condone what she’s doing but it is worth considering if there’s more to it

user1464279374 · 23/02/2020 12:14

I had a similar situation with a friend but there was no wedding involved. Unless she's a real bridezilla I also wonder if there's more to it than simply the wedding...

One of my best friends (who I'd even lived with) basically refused to acknowledge my pregnancy throughout. She never visited when I gave birth and the one time we were meant to meet up afterwards she cancelled last minute. We never spoke again after that.

It still baffles me and upsets me to this day but because we were so young when I got pregnant (24) I don't think it was fertility issues (although maybe she had issues she never told me about). The only thing I've ever been able to surmise is that our relationship dynamic had been her being the 'grown up' on a clear timeline and I suddenly leaped ahead a few stages!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 23/02/2020 12:24

Ooh this is a tough one! I've kind of been on both sides - my best friend at the time who is one of those annoying "I just have to look at my husband and i fall pregnant" was due to be a bridesmaid and her other children were part of the wedding party - she fell pregnant with her 3rd with a due date of my wedding day......needless to say at the time I wasn't impressed.....for the sake of holding off a month of two to avoid the wedding. None of them came as they said it was too much with a new born but they managed to fly long haul a few days later to go on holiday 🤷‍♀️
To be honest we haven't been that close since.

Then I on the other side my sister told me she didn't want me to pregnant at her wedding and it caused an awful row - at the time we were going through infertility- miscarriage and IVF. I was really pissed that she expected us to wait potentially 9 months when we were having a tough time of it anyway

So I see both sides even if it isn't a popular opinion. If you're very fertile and not expected to have problems conceiving then I think if it's a close friend or family then the polite thing would be to avoid having a due date of the month of the wedding. Not hard to say that month you won't actively ttc. But if you are going through infertility then the bride should be more understanding?

Bezalelle · 23/02/2020 12:44

needless to say at the time I wasn't impressed

I'm sorry but that is pathetic.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 23/02/2020 12:48

I think if it's a close friend or family then the polite thing would be to avoid having a due date of the month of the wedding. Not hard to say that month you won't actively ttc.

You can’t really think this. There must be satire here that I’m missing.

MisssC3025 · 23/02/2020 12:53

@EstebanTheMagnificent I agree! No one should re schedule their TTC time because of occasions! It's pathetic! No matter whether you're highly fertile or not! People just need to understand and be supportive no matter what. When I was TTC I didn't count each time of when I'd be due... we just naturally did our thing.

user1464279374 · 23/02/2020 13:04

I was going to say... does anyone really plan to a specific month or to avoid specific dates?!

fonxey · 23/02/2020 13:25

She, and anyone else who expects someone to not be pregnant on their wedding day, can take a hike. No one's wedding day is that important. It's one day, and a friendship is a lifetime or at least longer than one day.

Dump your friend and enjoy your pregnancy. What a dumb way to celebrate a marriage by losing your friends. Having a child is by far more important and a greater sign of commitment than a marriage.

CalleighDoodle · 23/02/2020 13:27

Surely there is more to it?!?

When is the wedding and when is the baby due?

Connie222 · 23/02/2020 13:30

The more I hear about people, the more I despair.

What the hell is wring with her?

partofthepeanutgallery · 23/02/2020 13:42

I'm constantly astounded at the number of brides to be who think life should stop for everyone else when they get engaged and that everything should revolve around them, right down to how others spend their money, time, attention, focus.

Awful behaviour.

erised · 23/02/2020 13:59

I feel there must be something deeper. My sister fell pregnant before my wedding and was matron of honour, I'm now pregnant and due just before my other sisters wedding... There's literally no reason why it should cause problems.

I'm going through something similar but there's no wedding. Told my best friend I'm pregnant in December and she took it hard, saying she didn't want to lost me yet she's pushing me away now. Only talks to me if I talk first, if we're with other friends she mostly ignores me and hasn't mentioned my pregnancy since December. It's now always me trying to make the effort and I'm tired of it. If she doesn't want to be apart of mine and my babies life that's fine, I'm leaving the ball in her court and not stressing about it anymore.

Just let her deal with it in her own time.

ser91 · 23/02/2020 14:08

My best friend did something very similar for her birthday (not a special one either). But basically my pregnancy stopped her having each of her friends drunk for an entire weekend as she has become accustomed to.

I, like you, said I would do the bits I could but wouldn't be all day drinking with them (obviously). She went cold for weeks and there were snide remarks on the event itself. I decided to be the bigger person, not bite and let her deal with her own crap. I think it says more about the other person than you.

I hope it all sorts itself out. Xx

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 14:15

No one should re schedule their TTC time because of occasions

Then why agree to be MOH? Sure, don't stop TTC if that's what you want but don't agree to be MOH if there's any chance you won't be there.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 23/02/2020 14:28

I don't see the issue with having an opinion on it - I'm also astounded by the way people think their pregnancies trump everything else

And yes if I was maid of honour at a wedding booked a year or so in advance I would have had enough respect not to ttc the one month which would have given a due date the month of the wedding. It's really not that hard

MisssC3025 · 23/02/2020 14:40

Hi @itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted
I know we're sharing our opinions and of course people are going to take to it differently.. but It's her life and she has chosen to fall pregnant. This time has clearly suited her and her partner. No one is saying "pregnancy trumps everything else" it's just this is what's happened and if you're both really "true" friends then you'd support each other either way. @Emma2503 has clearly stated she will be there for her friend as best she can. True/real friends would respect that. If she got a little upset about it but left it there then fair enough... but why go silent and become bitchy... how's that right? That's what's puzzled me.

damnthatanxiety · 23/02/2020 14:47

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted you don't seem to realise that it is not just the month of birth that can incapacitate people. You would need to prevent getting pregnant at all as morning sickness, a separated pubic bone, gestational diabetes, HG or a host of other things could happen pre birth and then a whole host of issue could occur after birth. No, it is being completely U to suggest that people stop their lives for your wedding.

Also, you seem to forget that pregnancies are not always planned. What would you suggest? A termination so as not to inconvenience the bride?

BeautyAndTheBump1 · 23/02/2020 14:57

Madness, I'm newly married and if one of my bridesmaids / MOH told me they were pregnant I would be ecstatic for them. Some people are just selfish and think the world should revolve around them.

A wedding is 1 day. Why should you put your life on hold for that 1 day, what does she expect you to do not try until after her wedding day? Then what if you had unknown fertility issues and you've wasted all that time?!

She has shown her true colours!

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