How important is it to not tell anyone your pregnant before 12 weeks?

[Cluelessandpregnant]

I don't want the world to know I'm only 5 weeks pregnant because it's a risky time and if I loose the baby I'd rather not have to explain to everyone I'm not pregnant anymore but this is my 1st time and my husband knows/understands this less than I do.
Has anyone had a bad experience of telling someone else too soon?

I didn’t make it widely known but I told my mum pretty much as soon as I found out because we’re close and I would have told her had I miscarried anyway. I wouldn’t have been comfortable telling lots of people though - precisely for the reasons you outline. I imagine it would have considerably added to the disstress of a miscarriage to have to explain it to Sandra in the office and Rita in the corner shop. If you prefer to keep it quiet until 12 weeks then your husband should respect that.

Everyone knew from 5-6 weeks. I had such horrendous sickness I couldn't hide it.

We told close family and friends from 6-8 weeks. It’s our first baby and we were SO excited I couldn’t wait until 12 weeks! These were the people that I would want support from in the event of a miscarriage anyway, so couldn’t see a reason not to tell them.

We didn’t tell colleagues/wider family/acquaintances until after the scan because if we did miscarry, it would be awful answering polite pregnancy queries with that news over and over!

DSis knew same day we did. Everyone else at about 6-7 weeks.

Another one with HG so pretty much the world knew before 12 weeks as there was no hiding it (not envy). I also work in a heavy job with hazardous parts so an early risk assessment was essential. It just made everyone feel I was pregnant for ever ! Congrats OP

I told my parents and grandparents at 6 weeks then miscarried at 7 weeks

I made it to 12 weeks and told everyone, then bloody miscarried at 14. Bit of a pisser! I certainly wouldn't make it public before 12 though.

I told my sister because we are really close and I’d tell her even if I’d experienced a loss, as I would want her support, and then also my best friend - I would have rather maybe have left this till a little bit later but there was an event where my not drinking was very obvious and she kind of guessed, and was also able to help me keep it hidden from others at the event. Event was my hen do and organised activities were all pretty cocktail/drinking focused so did need to be a bit stealthy.

Told other close friends/family members at about 13 weeks after scan and screening results. I’m 17 weeks now and we still haven’t made it widely known/put anything on Facebook etc and I’m thinking I’ll wait till after the 20 week scan before we do that.

I told everyone. I didn't have bad experiences.
I didn't have miscarriages but I wasn't worried if I had to tell people that happened.
It seems to be very important TO YOU to not tell people.
Nobody can tell you what you should do. Your life not ours.

First time I told people at about 7 weeks as it was Christmas and had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Second time I waited until after the first scan. My advice would be to tell the people who would support you if you miscarry or have to make any difficult decisions, it's good to have support but not everyone needs to know everything.

Congratulations and good luck with it all!

My family knew between a week before my period when I had my positive test and 5 weeks.
I would have rather the support if something bad did happen then have to go through it alone.
To me, personally you can lose a baby at any time so, I don't feel the need to keep it to myself 'just incase" because there is always that chance.

My mum lost a baby just before her due date. I'm now pregnant with my 3rd, my mum is always the 1st person to by the baby I'm pregnant with a blanket or bear, when I'm around 6 weeks, last time I told her 'you shouldn't buy anything so early.. Just incase' which she replied, what will be will be, you're pregnant and enjoy every day. Who out of everyone I know I would think she would be the most fearful of me letting anyone know early or something happening.. she makes me view my pregnancies in much positive way, when she's been through something so horrendous.

I hope all works out for you and baby. Easier said than done but try not to worry too much or over think everything.

I had to tell at 7 weeks because I couldn’t walk. People were much more restrained than I thought and understood that it was early days.
We then had bad news at 20 weeks (although it worked out in the end!) so things can go wrong at any moment but you just have to be optimistic.

I bounced down the stairs and told a room of about twenty people (mainly staff) after I tested with my first. If I’d miscarried it would have given them greater understanding and they were people I trusted to be kind.
The babies I lost were much later at 19, 24 and 29 weeks. I couldn’t have hidden the pregnancies, if I wanted to. Waiting until after 12 weeks would not have made the slightest difference in terms of ‘being safe’.

Tell who you want, when you want.

It's not a set rule it's just that people don't like to tell until after the scan. The people we told before were the people we would have wanted there for us had something gone wrong. two ladies I know miscarried that were due at a very similar time to us in their first trimesters. When we told people it came with a warning of its very early days. There is no right or wrong just do what's right for you.

I've known it happen a few times that a couple have, excitedly, told everyone and then had to tell everyone there wasn't going to be a baby yet.

They did go on to have families.

The '12 week' mark for telling people is because the risk of miscarriage drops fairly significantly. Obviously the risk is there throughout pregnancy for something to go wrong, but once the placenta is fully formed and early anomalies ruled out, the pregnancy is much more likely to have a happy ending

I'm going to wait until the anomaly scan if I possibly can. The idea of everyone knowing, then having to explain that something has gone wrong fills me with horror.

It’s a silly made up ‘rule’. It’s not important at all. It’s completely up to you. Telling people or not telling people cannot make anything good or bad happen to your baby.

Think about how you’d feel if you sadly lost baby & who you would want support from. If it were me, I’m a very open person & world fully talk to anyone about having a miscarriage. I don’t think it’s something to hide. But equally, I understand the emotional trauma & that some people are very private.

I’d imagine most people would want support from immediate family & close friends. So maybe consider telling some of them? I told my parents at 6 weeks, in-laws at 8 weeks (when we saw them, would have done earlier), close friends & work at 8 weeks. I was very sick, it was impossible to hide anyway!

I told friends and family around 6 weeks (mum straight away actually) employer at 12 weeks, very supportive workplace though

After 3 losses I announced to close Friends and family that I was Pregnant early on at 5 weeks It meant I got the support I needed when I went onto miscarry for the 4th time. Work also knew early on because parts of my job involve moving and handling. It also meant I got the support I needed from work and felt able to take a couple of weeks off to rest

I told immediate family soon after getting positive tests. I had a mc at six weeks with the first and was glad of their support. I hadn't told work but did tell my boss about the mc and had a few days sick leave. Second time around I had a private scan at about 10w, so told best work mate and boss soon after so I could get out for my 12w appointment and scan without making an excuse.

I didn't post on social media until after our 20w scan, but for people I saw frequently I did it on an individual basis. Most of those people I would have told about a mc and wanted their support, whether that was friends, family or work colleagues. Although tbh once I got to about 16w there was no passing it off as a big lunch any more anyway!

The 12w 'rule' is a bit outdated and it contributes to the silence around miscarriage. Some people are very private and don't share until absolutely necessary which is fair enough, but you shouldn't keep the news to yourself simply out of a feeling of obligation.

I told people early and then miscarried. But after I miscarried I told more people anyway as it was cathartic for me to talk about my loss. I'm 10+1 and I'd say about 12 people know. I wouldn't announce it on social media as such but I don't believe that the 12 week rule has any impact on the outcome of a pregnancy.

My poor friend waited until the 20 week scan to announce, she had had many previous early miscarriages and wanted to be sure it would all be ok. She miscarried a few days after announcing so then of course not only had to go through the horrendous grief of a late miscarriage but she also had to explain to everyone what had happened. I felt so very sorry for her.

I’m glad I didn’t tell anyone before my 12 week scan because I had two missed miscarriages only discovered at that scan. No bleeding or cramps and early scans showed a strong heartbeat, it was devastating and I’d have hated having to tell social media.

I always think just tell whoever you'd want to support you if a miscarriage happened.

I've had 3 losses and for me it was awful having to tell people even family so all my healthy pregnancies I've waited until I've had a scan and know it's "ok"

Should also say I’d have hated even having to explain to people in general. Barely anyone knew so I was able to maintain my privacy which is important to me. As a general rule I wouldn’t tell anyone you’re not happy to know if you miscarry.