How important is it to not tell anyone your pregnant before 12 weeks?

[Cluelessandpregnant]

I don't want the world to know I'm only 5 weeks pregnant because it's a risky time and if I loose the baby I'd rather not have to explain to everyone I'm not pregnant anymore but this is my 1st time and my husband knows/understands this less than I do.
Has anyone had a bad experience of telling someone else too soon?

I’m currently 6 weeks exactly and I’ve told my mum, one close work colleague and one of my best friends. I think I’ll have to tell my boss as I’ll need some time off for my booking in appointment but I’ll wait until just before when I’ll be just over 8 weeks, but other than that, I’ll consider telling my wider family at 12 weeks but won’t be telling anyone for the considerable future. I was thinking to just wait until I’m showing.
I’ve experienced the untelling and it’s awful. I’m terms of social media, I’d wait until past the 20 week scan for that and just see how I feel.

I would explain that there is a significant amount of risk before the 12 week mark and that you'd actually be stressing a lot of friends and family out by them knowing it too early. It's best not to think too much about it before the scan to limit the sadness if it all goes wrong.

I told both sets of parents at 9 weeks and then miscarried a few days later.

It's So personal isn't it.

So many people say "I told parents/friends" because I'd want them to know anyway if something went wrong. But when I had my miscarriages I didn't want a single person to know, I didn't want to discuss it at all. So for me I keep to twelve weeks. To be honest id wait even longer but my husband is excited and it's his news as well and so we compromise.

I told everyone immediately because i had to cancel a huge family holiday with a wedding. Was a very high risk pregnancy and i wasnt cleared to fly.
With my second we did the same simply because i couldnt keep it to myself. I was so happy that i just blurted it out everytime i saw someone

We told immediate family and close friends pretty much immediately. Waited until the scan to tell wider circles.

Its really personal, and the 12 week thing isnt a rule you HAVE to go by.

I told friends/family by 9 weeks or so.

We told lots of people first time then lost the baby. I felt stupid for sharing with so many people that I felt uncomfortable having to tell about MC. I am pregnant again, not going well as have had bleeding and measuring 2 weeks behind where I should be, which is concerning. I've only told my best friend and my parents. I won't share with anyone else I don't want to go through what I did last time if the worst happens as I found it only made an awful situation worse - but I know everyone is different x

The whole world knew about my first pregnancy because it was so ridiculously early into my relationship with my now DH that it was a great source of gossip - I didn’t actually mind, I would have gossiped too if it was someone else!! I then went onto MMC but I didn’t really regret everyone knowing because it meant everyone was really sensitive around me and opened up to me about previous losses, which was nice.
Next 2 pregnancies I was a little more cautious who knew but not overly so. I wanted people to know. If there had been a bad outcome they would find out and be kind and sensitive again. I find the stress of secrets and white lies much worse than the worry of telling someone i’ve miscarried.
Having said that I haven’t been in the awful position of having to make a decision about continuing the pregnancy due to medical reasons, I’d imagine that would be very hard if all the world knew.
It’s a very personal decision that should be respected.
What I don’t like is when the OH dictates what the stance should be though, that annoys me. Poor woman is stuck hiding sickness etc just because OH doesn’t want people knowing - but that’s another topic!!

I suffered multiple miscarriages and was very superstitious.
In my mind I was continuously miscarrying over the period of about 7 years.
I thought that if the words left my lips to anyone, it would happen .
Plus it was boring.
I had people comment “what! Again!”
So I would miscarry on the Saturday and be back at work on the Monday as if nothing had happened.
Didn’t tell anyone until after snout 16 weeks on my success pregnancies.

It’s just how I handled it.

I used to inwardly cringe when people announced joyfully at 5/6/7/8 weeks. I felt that they did it with utter arrogance and zero consideration that a single thing could go wrong for them.
That was my warped mind at an extremely difficult time for me though. Not at all how I actually feel about it many years on.

We told family and close friends very early as we had Ivf and an early 6 week scan. My view is I would only tell people early (before 12wks) if I would feel comfortable telling those people if I had had a miscarriage.

You should probably tell who you want to support you if there was a problem with the pregnancy.
Close parents / siblings/ best mate / close colleagues/ gym teacher.

I didnt tell everyone until my second scan at 20 weeks . I told our parents at 9 weeks because we'd run out of excuses for me to not drink and then told siblings at 16 weeks. I'd do the same next time as long as I'm not showing as I've had 2 miscarriages.

I told my mum and my husband parents after our 8 week epu scan and we saw a heartbeat. We also told his nan who isnt doing very well at the minute and I confided in one very close friend who would be my support incase anything went wrong outside of the family. Other than that it's been kept quite quiet, I have my 12 week scan tomorrow and intend to start telling people from next week onwards should everything be ok. I told people I'd be comfortable discussing a miscarriage with if the worst should happen xx

I had to tell everyone as I was so sick and looked so pale it was obvious.

Interestingly while at A and E after some bleeding a doctor said it's not actually after 12 weeks which is the safe time but 16 as it's very unusual to miscarry after that.

I think you just have to do what you're happy with.

It's totally up to you. I told close family and friends very early on, in a "don't be too excited" way. Mainly it was because I didn't want to lie about not drinking and feeling sick. To be honest I had miscarried, I wouldn't have particularly wanted to have to tell them, but I couldn't have pretended to not having morning sickness for weeks and I think it is good it would have forced me to tell people and accept some support if the worst happened. I never made any big announcement (e.g. on facebook), in fact I saw an old school friend recently who I hadn't seen since the summer who was very surprised to see I was about to give birth! I told work colleagues mainly after the 20 week scan.

I only told my line manager at work before 12 weeks. I had some bleeding that was being monitored with weekly scans in my second pregnancy, so wanted to rearrange my work hours slightly to accommodate the appointments plus they'd have needed to make arrangements to cover my work if I miscarried or was absent for other reasons related to it so we were able to plan for the possibility of that happening. We didn't tell anyone else.

My first pregnancy had ended in a loss just after
the 12 week scan but we knew from the scan that it was just a matter of time and I'd needed a week in hospital and two lots of surgery following it. Not having told anyone previously made it easier to let family know as we didn't feel we were going to make them as upset as if they'd already known about it but it made me feel stressed about work.

Just think about who you would want to know about your pregnancy if you got told something at your 12 week scan that wasn't good (no heartbeat, likelihood of serious health problems or disability for the baby, baby unlikely to survive to full term pregnancy etc.). Think about how you would feel telling those people and how they could help you. For me, telling someone who could be helpful in a practical way but not someone I was emotionally connected to was best for me.

And another constantly running to the toilet. So pretty early!

I told my Mum the day I found out and my husband told pretty much all of his family before the 12 week scan (he was very excited!). We also told some close friends as we went away with them for the weekend and it was pretty obvious as I wasnt drinking, was feeling really sick and not going in the hot tub! I also told a group of girlfriends, again the same reason- a weekend away with lots of drinking (obviously not for me!) And a hot tub!
I only told my manager at work and somehow managed to hide the sickness/nausea.
I was a bit concerned about how many people my husband had told but they were mainly close family and I figured that if I had miscarried I would want them to know anyway. But obviously everyone is different and there is no set rule of what you should do or who you should tell before you have had your 12 weeks scan.

I've been pregnant three times. First one ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks. 2nd and 3rd times we maintained the same policy of telling immediate family as soon as we knew and then anyone else as and when it came up. So a lot of people asked why I wasnt drinking at a wedding when I was 10 weeks with DC2 and I just told them. Couldn't be bothered lying and nobody believes any of the antibiotics stuff anyway.

Because I was open about having a miscarriage 5 more of my friends told me they had too and they were glad I'd opened up the conversation so they felt able to too.

I hated telling people good or bad news, hate any kind of announcement so for me news leaking out by telling a couple of people and telling them it wasnt a secret was infinitely preferable to waiting which would have felt like a much bigger deal.

I personally prefer not to tell anyone that I wouldn't want to have to tell bad news to. So told a very close friend at 6 weeks, then family and other friends at 12 weeks with DC1. Because we then had a bad experience (risk of congenital issues needing further tests) we chose not to tell anyone other than a close friend with DC2 until after the anomaly scan.

We told our parents and siblings on the day untested positive. Harsh round of ivf and they knew we were testing. Also knew we would need support if it didn’t work out. I guess if you did miscarry (I sincerely hope not) would you want the support of someone else as well as your partner? I get it why people done tell though

I had a miscarriage since I wrote this post. The only saving Grace is I didn't tell many people so I don't have to explain what has happened too many times. Glad I told who I did as they've been very supportive. X

Oh OP,that's really sad news,I'm so sorry x

Oh OP I’m so sorry. Remember to look after yourselves and each other and just rest for a few days to let your body recover. I pushed myself too hard after my second one and just worked worked worked until I had a nervous breakdown and ended up on sick for 2 weeks. My 4th one i took the time off straight away and didn’t do hardly anything apart from stay in bed for 2 weeks. I did see a Friend a couple of times for a coffee, chat and cuddle and I also spoke to my Other Half who was away working at the time, which helped us both tremendously just talking to each other. I wouldn’t say my recovery was any quicker this time round. It took me 5 weeks to fully miscarry but my mental state is as much better this time