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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Hardest time after baby is born

45 replies

bluemoon2468 · 18/02/2020 09:36

My sister has kindly offered to book a week off work at some point after the baby will be born to come down and help me out for a week. My husband is planning to take 4 weeks off work, so I suggested maybe some time in the second month? But I was wondering for those of you who are already mums, was there a particular week/few weeks that you found especially hard, or did it just get easier with time in a linear fashion?

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CoolNoMore · 18/02/2020 10:03

I think a crystal ball would be the most use here (and if you find one, can I borrow it?!). The first two weeks were absolutely insane for us and I thought I might die of sleep deprivation (spoiler alert: I didn't). My husband, although a thoroughly modern man in most respects, is completely hopeless at cooking, remembering when mealtimes usually happen and that in order to have food in the house, you need to shop. So, er, I'd have her in the second week if it were me... in fact, thinking about it, your husband is likely to be getting as many interruptions to his sleep as you are, so it might really be worth considering having her around to look after all three of you in those early days. I'd be interested to hear what other people think, everyone's experience differs so much.

The first two weeks are definitely crazy, by week three I felt like I could cope and by week five or six I was properly enjoying myself and felt like a person again. Then there were bumps like a suspected dairy allergy that made him wail all the time, teething, weird rashes etc that you can't predict. Whenever she comes, as long as she's prepared to fill your fridge and bring you constant tea and chocolate, I'd say she'll be a great help

flower1994 · 18/02/2020 11:30

I really struggled in the first few weeks not just with sleep deprivation but anxiety and baby blues. thankfully it lifted after a few weeks. It took me a little while to feel anything like myself again but I'd had a c section, it probably wasn't until I was able to drive I felt semi okay. it does get easier though, my dd is over 12 weeks now and although I am still tired its not as bone crushing and she is a. absolute joy.

so I think definitely the first few months even if its just to hold the baby whilst you catch up on sleep x

flower1994 · 18/02/2020 11:31

weeks(

Horehound · 18/02/2020 11:34

I was fine up until month 5/6. Now I could really do with help..

EssentialHummus · 18/02/2020 11:35

I think it’d be a few months on for me, when I could no longer run on adrenaline to keep me going. Around four months?

Selfsettling3 · 18/02/2020 11:36

With both children I would say 6 months.

ColaFreezePop · 18/02/2020 11:41

I felt I was climbing the walls at month 3.

It completely depends.

But if your sister could do one day a week from say month 3 or 4 may be more help than her taking a full week off in one go as you will have something to look forward to for 5 weeks.

AlphaIndigo · 18/02/2020 11:45

I think it really does depend on your baby.
For me I'd say about 5 months though.

Original poster

bluemoon2468 · 18/02/2020 12:04

@ColaFreezePop unfortunately she lives 150 miles away so one day a week isn't possible 😔

OP posts:

Hugtheduggee · 18/02/2020 12:45

First few weeks and months absolutely fine. It gets a lot harder once they are mobile.

Hugtheduggee · 18/02/2020 12:47

I'm sorry, it doesn't get easier in a linear fashion. It goes through easier and more difficult patches like waves. Whilst some people find the overall trend becomes easier, others (like me) find it gets harder not easier, for the 2-3 years at least.

flower1994 · 18/02/2020 13:02

Hugtheduggee think it depends on the baby truthfully. I also found everything a lot more bearable when I was getting more sleep something I I definitley wasnt in the first two weeks :(

LazyYogi · 18/02/2020 13:06

It definitely depends on the baby but many people in my bus are struggling around weeks 6-8. Suspect due to a growth spurt so babies are feeding round the clock. Might be a good time to aim for then if you have to do it in advance. If she is able to book time at relatively short notice then wait and see how you go.

Honeybee85 · 18/02/2020 13:07

The hardest time for me was the week my DH went back to work (2 weeks after DS was born).
I was alone in a strange country with a newborn and literally didn’t know anyone except DH and inlaws (who didn’t help even once) so it was really hard. You’re very lucky to have such a lovely sister who is there to help you. As others have said, it’s hard to say as each baby is different but if I were you, I’d go for the week that DH goes back to work, based on my experience.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 18/02/2020 13:10

For me the first few weeks with DS were worst- I was anemic, depressed and sleep deprived. From about 3 months he slept through and everything improved, & my blues cleared up, probably not unrelated to getting better sleep. With DD the first month was good, second time around was so much easier, but at 5 weeks she developed severe reflux and the next 6 months were really difficult. So it depends on the individual baby and the parent!

KnobJockey · 18/02/2020 13:11

If she's willing to wait, then sometime over the 4 month sleep regression would be fantastic. You're already exhausted at that point, then they revert to 45 minute wake ups and you realise you don't know what exhausted is! Plus the general visitors popping in has slowed down/ stopped, and the little one is no longer content with sitting and cuddling, so it all seems to be a bit less cheery than it was. I have genuinely found this bit (now 5 months) MUCH harder than newborn.

NotSoThinLizzy · 18/02/2020 13:15

I agree with the 4 month sleep regression. its hell on earth. Going through it just now

newname4968382 · 18/02/2020 13:17

My DH also had 4 weeks off for us we found this time important to bond as a family. So I wouldn't have wanted someone else permanently there with us. I found I dreaded it when DH went back to work so for me I would say then. So maybe sometime in the second month. Congratulations on your pregnancy btw

flower1994 · 18/02/2020 13:18

just to add the reason I've found it hard initially is because I ebf so have not had anyone to be able to take her off me atall - think an hour at most is the longest break I've had atm and of course I'm doing all night feeds so i think it depends on how you're planning to feed as well x

addyt · 18/02/2020 13:21

It's so hard to say as every baby is different!

I think if your husband is with you for the first month, then you should try it alone for a few weeks before your sister comes to stay. That way you can catch up on sleep and also will hopefully be at the stage where you want to head out a bit too.

I found 6 weeks a little challenging due to a growth spurt. There's usually another one around 12 weeks and then there's the dreaded 4 month sleep regression where babies like to cap nap and don't always nap for LO during the day. That's the bit I found the hardest, so I would've loved somebody to come and stay and help our at around 4/5 months!

Good luck with it all!!

Lilice · 18/02/2020 13:33

I would say the week when you husband goes back to work. It can quite scary and lonely to be suddenly alone all day with a new baby for the first time. The first few weeks were the hardest for me. My husband went back after 2 weeks. I had no family nearby, no support. I felt so lonely and sad. I would have been so happy to have someone with me then.

Darkstar4855 · 18/02/2020 13:34

I found it hardest when my partner went back to work at five weeks and I was on my own all day. We weren’t quite ready to start going to baby groups etc. and hadn’t yet made any “Mum friends” and all my old friends were busy working. That’s the time I would have most liked a bit of company.

Hugtheduggee · 18/02/2020 14:08

flower1994, precisely why I said it varies. Though for me, 2 kids and both times newborn and early life was easy, mobile life not so much. So I think it also depends on what you as a parent find hard. For me, I was getting much more sleep in the first few weeks than 6 months down the line.

My second at 10m still only sleeps about as well as he did as a newborn. It used to be a lot worse...

annlee3817 · 18/02/2020 14:19

Can she book it off at fairly short notice? If she can, then I'd call in the favour when I felt a real need for it. I remember when my husband went back to work DD would just cry and cry, but luckily as we were living with my parents at the time my Dad was able to hold her whilst I launched into the shower. I'd also try not to time it for the week or few days after the first jabs, they can be super clingy at that point and probably only just want you or your DH. As others said, they're all different and they move the goal posts every day :)

Original poster

bluemoon2468 · 18/02/2020 14:36

Thanks so much for all of the advice everyone! Unfortunately she has to apply for annual leave a long time in advance, meaning there's no way to call in on the favour as and when I need it 😔 It also means that I won't be able to predict exactly how old the baby will be, as it may not be born close to the due date. I think I'll go for 6-7 weeks post-duedate, meaning that even if it's 2 weeks late then DH will be back at work - I really want those 4 weeks he's off to be time for just us to be bonding as a family.

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