Hardest time after baby is born

[bluemoon2468]

My sister has kindly offered to book a week off work at some point after the baby will be born to come down and help me out for a week. My husband is planning to take 4 weeks off work, so I suggested maybe some time in the second month? But I was wondering for those of you who are already mums, was there a particular week/few weeks that you found especially hard, or did it just get easier with time in a linear fashion?

In all honesty I needed all the help in the first week. Anything after that and it would have felt like more work having someone else in the house.

Hugtheduggee oh I'm not getting at you or anything, just offering a different view to the OP so she doesnt envision years of horror haha, she might also be lucky and have a great sleeper from the start! my little lady was not in that category unfortunately x

Right now. Mine are 8, 5 and 3 and I would kill for some help.

I think it’d be a few months on for me, when I could no longer run on adrenaline to keep me going. Around four months?

I second this. I flew through the first few weeks in a flurry of anxiety - I barely slept just pumped and cuddled a baby constantly. DP went back to work and that was tough but I feel like, in hindsight, having someone to stay with me that week would have prolonged the anxiety of being on my own with DS most of the time and delayed us finding our feet with our own little routine etc. I properly hit the wall around 4 months, sleep regression hit, new baby novelty has worn off with most family and friends so it feels like there's little support available. I'd plan to have an extra pair of hands around this time if I were you.

I agree with month 4. If you have a bad sleeper, the deprivation will really be building about then. Baby will be fussy and you'll have lost the early adrenaline rush and cuddly cuteness of the early months.

Month 4 and 8 have been the worst with both of mine.

I found the eight week vaccinations really tough, so if your husband can be around for that day I imagine it would be helpful.

Defo depends on the baby. My first super easy, slept a good stretch of the night from 5 weeks.

Baby 2.. screamed blue murder for 3 hours every night 7pm on the dot from 2 weeks old.nothing could stop it. We would just pass him between us until (out of pure sleep deprivation and exhaustion i would cry). Little did we know was down to dairy allergy and reflux. So those were the days when an extra pair of hands would of been truly life saving.

So you never know what it will be like. I would say maybe when your other half is back to work, you might feel a bit of reassurance having her there for that extra week to help out x

Depending on how much leave your husband has, would you consider him taking less leave and then having a day a week off? Every Wednesday would be great! Personally I found 2/3 weeks enough time for DH to be off initially, although obviously depends on the birth. DH also bonded more at 4-6 weeks when you are getting smiles and more awake time, rather than the very beginning when it was eat, poo, sleep!

I struggled most at 5/6 weeks. The 4 month sleep regression was hard but lasted months for us!

@BendingSpoons he'd be taking the 4 weeks off under shared parental leave, not as annual leave, and parental leave has to be taken as blocks of time. He's also saving up most of his annual leave so that we can use that after the baby is born as well 😊 one day a week off is a good idea!

Sorry to hijack but can I just say how much of a relief it is to read everybody saying 4/5 months. That's where I'm at right now and it feels so hard. I've been worrying so much that it's getting harder rather than easier and beating myself up for getting worse at this but it seems that it's quite common for people to start to struggle around 4 months so that's such a comfort to me.
And yes, OP, I agree with 4/5 months. Novelty and adrenaline keep you going until then and now I feel ready to crash (I know it'll get better though and it is really lovely as well, just exhausting!! Dont want to make you worry!)

It does get better beyonce. Ime their sleep goes funny at around this time, and they stop being quite so newborn-like. It gets easier. DD is now 2.5. At four months every nap had to be outside in the sling while bouncing. In January. She’ll now pick up her sleeping bag and take herself off to the cot with a book.

At the time I thought this was it for life.

@BeyonceKnows,- my little one is 5 months next week- the end is in sight! Best thing I've done is teach her to self settle and nap/sleep in her cot. If you haven't done it yet, then I really recommend it. The days not quite as pressured if you know you have an hour long lunchtime nap coming up that your hands will be free for.

The constant nighttime waking has literally just stopped one night this week. Still up a couple of times, but nothing like before.

Thank you @EssentialHummus
@knobjockey mine sleeps perfectly in the day. Perfect naps. And she's quite good once she gets to sleep at night but she fights sleep all night long. From 8pm until midnight it's a battle (Sorry again for the hijack).
OP, I'm pretty certain mine is one of a kind, dont worry... I'm sure yours wont be a terror like this one
Also wanted to say how kind of your sister, sounds like you have a good support network around you

13, years.

That's good Bluemoon, you get the help at the beginning and he still has leave left. DH also took shared parental leave, although in our case once I was back at work, and it worked well.

I would say between the ages of 12 and 16 when you take the whole childhood into account.

The first few weeks were the easiest for me, now sitting with my 2yr while he splashes about in his milk from his cereal 😐

@BeyonceKnows I know, I feel so lucky! She's actually doing the same thing for a friend of hers who's just had a baby, so she's using a huge chunk of her annual leave this year just to help out new mums when she's not even a mum yet herself!

@BendingSpoons yeah, so glad to be able to access more than the standard 2 weeks paternity leave, and so thankful for the change in law a few years ago! DH took a bit of convincing - he's keen to stay home longer but he feels that it'll be looked down on in his company as most dads just take 2 weeks, but I managed to convince him that systems don't change unless someone makes the first move! His boss is a single gay guy who doesn't like kids so not sure how well it will go down 🤷‍♀️ fingers crossed he's not an idiot about it!

Spoke to DH about using his annual leave to take one day off every week after he goes back to work for a couple of months, and he actually thought it was a great idea, and suggested Wednesdays so I never go more than 2 days without help. Thought that sounded amazing!

I breezed the first 8 weeks or so. DH went back to work 5 days after the birth. It was around 8 weeks that I felt I could do with a hand.