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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Missed miscarriage 10 weeks baby died at 6

33 replies

Mrs173 · 10/02/2020 11:16

Wondering if anyone can offer advice. Found out at private scan that baby was measuring small and no HB (6 weeks when I should have been 9) had to wait almost a week for an nhs scan and now waiting another week for nhs to confirm even though I already know. I called the EPU to find out what my options are After my next appointment. After a lot of research I am pretty set on wanting an MVA as it’s been 4 weeks since baby died and my body hasn’t recognised it. I personally don’t think I can deal with the pain and trauma of blood loss at home from a medical management but I have been told wait time for mva is almost a month - that means it will have been 2 months if my body doesn’t recognise it while I am waiting. Any advice on what I can do? Can I go to another NhS hospital? I think the long wait is the fact they only do it once a week. GA freaks me out but I would still rather that only the wait for that is another 2 weeks. It feels like it’s already been dragging on so long and the anxiety of waiting to physically miscarry is awful. Paying privately isn’t really an option for me an DH but feeling so hurt at the waiting and the unknown. I want it to be over so I can move on - being in limbo for almost 2 weeks already has been awful. We were so over the moon to find out and would like to TTC again when I am healed emotionally and physically.

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Urkiddingright · 10/02/2020 11:21

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers. I had two MMC in 2017 so completely understand this pain, it’s horrible.

I would advise surgical management. I made the mistake of choosing medical management the first time because I’d never been under GA before and it terrified me. I haemorrhaged, went into shock and needed surgery anyway. Opted for surgical the second time and it was far less traumatic. The surgery is straight forward and quick which lessens the blow, you don’t have to see any ‘gore’ and the bleeding is minimal afterwards.

They recommend you wait one cycle before TTC again so they can date the pregnancy more easily but I didn’t wait. I was pregnant after two cycles, had my 15 month old DS after the second MMC.

I wish you all the best, be kind to yourself Flowers.

Urkiddingright · 10/02/2020 11:22

Sorry, I meant to say I would advise against medical management.

Delbelleber · 10/02/2020 11:31

Sorry you are going through this.
I had mmc a few years a go. I started bleeding brown blood at 11weeks, went to epu and found out the baby had died at 5 weeks. It took about 4 days to properly start bleeding and passing clots. I had to go to hospital as I was passing too much blood and the doctor removed the sac which had got stuck on my cervix.
I tried to get on with things and went back to work but my body had other ideas and my back locked up, forcing me to rest at home. It was the worst time of my life. My periods took some months to get back to normal but I was extremely stressed and obsessed with ttc.
So that's what happened to me, I can't advice about medical management of it. I think your body will let it go naturally soon and you just have to be patient and rest when it happens. Flowers

Mrs173 · 10/02/2020 12:18

@Urkiddingright thanks for your reply and I am sorry you have been through this too. I really don't want to choose medical management as I don’t think I’d cope with the blood like you said! but I am just not sure I can face the wait for surgical (another 2 weeks for GA and 4 weeks for MVA) my body has shown no signs yet of starting itself off. It feels so unfair to have to wait so long.

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Mrs173 · 10/02/2020 12:28

Thanks for sharing your experience @Delbelleber and I am sorry for you too. I haven’t had any spotting or bleeding at all and it’s been 4 weeks so I’m kind of done with waiting for my body to recognise it. I want to try and move on and feel like I need the physical part over as soon as possible. I don’t think I’d deal well with leaving it happen naturally after all this time already waiting. I’d be worried about what’s a normal amount of blood or not! Most people I have read seem to “get back to normal” quicker after surgical procedure too.

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Zoey36 · 10/02/2020 13:20

So sorry to hear this. :(
I also had a MMC at 10 weeks but baby measured 6+4. I miscarried at home during the week wait for the confirmation scan.
In one way, I'm glad because I got to see the 'baby' and that was a bit of closure for me (although I know others would NOT feel that way - we are all different). But if I were to have another miscarriage under those circumstances, I would do anything to get an appointment for surgical management. It was very traumatic and I still have flashbacks to the physical event which just will not go away. Not that any form of management for miscarriage isn't traumatic, but I would be wanting to lessen the trauma as much as possible. The wait for the second scan was bad enough, but I know they have to follow the rules but to then wait again for the surgery is insane. Do you live by another hospital or trust that could do this faster? Seems mad xxxx

DerbyshireGirly · 10/02/2020 13:25

BPAS can treat you for free. I had the medical management through them due to issues with how the NHS were treating me and I can't fault them. It was all sorted fairly quickly.

www.bpas.org/more-services-information/miscarriage-care/

steppemum · 10/02/2020 13:58

I had similar to you. I went for a scan at 10 weeks, to be told there was no HB and baby was 7 weeks.

I misscarried at home, it wasn't great, but was manageable.

It happened again a couple of years later, and this time I needed surgery as it hadn't miscarried.
I was overseas, and did not want to have treatment in the country we were in, so we flew home for surgery.
I started to miscarry on the plane on the way home Sad That was pretty traumatic.

I guess what I am saying it that for me both time nature took over and made thedecision for me. That may well happen to you too.

(and by the way I have had 4 MM but also have 3 healthy children. I did not wait after mm, just started trying straight away)

LilMrsS · 10/02/2020 15:02

@Mrs173
Sorry for your loss.
I had a MMC and so glad I opted for medical management not surgical. I must admit the midwife's really had me scared about what to expect and I heard some awful stories as usual but I must admin I managed well. Took 12 hrs to start after tablets and I was able to be at home comfortable as possible and also plan other things instead of it happening natural when I was at work or something??
The pain was like a mild period and I didn't soak through a pad within an hour as I was lying down and just visited the toilet 3 times. Was a weird time but if you have support at home from OH then it's very private and peaceful❤️ were strong enough to bring these little lovelies in the world and were strong enough to get through that. Obviously every one different some medical conditions might not give people an option but if nurse says it would be safe I'm glad I did. Staying in a hospital just wasn't for me made if feel so clinical.

Hope this helps

Salamander91 · 10/02/2020 17:07

I had a mmc in january and had the surgery under general on 30th jan at what should have been 10 weeks 5 days but was actually measuring 6 weeks. I was lucky that the wait was only 2 days at my hospital but it also took a while to get confirmation of the miscarriage because there was some growth between scans so even though I knew it was a mmc I had to wait weeks for repeat scans. The wait was hard but it did give me time to grieve so I did find that by the time I had my surgery I was relatively calm and accepting of what was happening. I'm 11 days post surgery now. I did get an infection so had 1 week of antibiotics and heavier bleeding than is typical but its still the option I would choose over medical. I'm sorry for your loss xx

Mrs173 · 10/02/2020 17:42

Thanks @Salamander91 for your insight. I feel fairly similar now in that I have already waited 2 weeks from initial scan to now for them to confirm it and I am accepting of what’s happened and would like it over ASAP. I’m just surprised that my hospital can’t get me in any quicker than a few weeks so it’s almost as if surgical is even not an option for me.

Thanks @LilMrsS for a different but much valued experience. I agree that it is much more clinical and had it have happened naturally without a two week wait since finding out I would probably be ok with the at home aspect of it but I really want the least traumatic version for me which I think would have to be the hospital. DH has been such an amazing emotional support but I think he would be awful to have around if I was to miscarry at home! He would be panicking and not making it any easier!

@steppemum you poor thing having that happen on the plane. That must have been really traumatic. I guess nature may well take over and take the waiting and decision out of my hands - it just feels like it might never happen knowing my body hasn’t recognised it for 4.5 weeks already. Glad to hear you have had 3 healthy children - brings hope!

@DerbyshireGirly thanks so much for that info. Despite my excessive googling over the last 2 weeks I hadn’t read that was possible. I did get in touch with them today but they couldn’t get me in for a consultation until Sat 22nd and then said there was a wait for surgical after that? Did you have to wait between consultation and surgery too? I have booked it for now but they Have said they will try to get me in sooner if they can. So fingers crossed they contact me sooner rather than later.

Thanks too @Zoey36 and sorry you have also been through this. I’m willing to travel anywhere to get seen and dealt with ASAP but I’m not sure if I am allowed to just call and self refer to another hospital? My EPU also said that in their case they won’t accept confirmation from any other hospital and insist on doing their own scans so if other hospitals are like that then it would be the same wait. Crazy to make you wait when you had a positive test longer ago than the baby has grown :(

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DerbyshireGirly · 11/02/2020 15:49

@Mrs173 I had the medical treatment last year, I can't remember exact dates but there was a bit of a wait - nothing too excessive. For various reasons I kept having to go back and forth, do remember to take your hospital paperwork and any scan pictures with you. Mine were filed with the NHS so when I went to BPAS it made things difficult as they needed to confirm that the sac wasn't developing, which obviously they couldn't do without an earlier scan or any records. They treated me really well though, couldn't fault them.

Also just wanted to add a handhold - sorry you're going through this, it's truly shit. And when you're ready, there's no reason this should affect your chances of a healthy pregnancy. I'm nearing the end of what has so far touch wood been a very uneventful pregnancy and was lucky to conceive quickly - I wish the same for you when the time is right xx

Mrs173 · 11/02/2020 16:09

@DerbyshireGirly can’t thank you enough for your first post telling me about it. They called me today and did my consultation on the phone and have been able to get me an appointment for this Friday! I’ve got to travel a few hours but I’m am so grateful and relieved to have an end in sight. Thanks for the advice and reminder to take my notes with me. I have my scan reports printed from my NHS appointments so hopefully that will suffice.

And thank you - looking forward to trying again and hoping that next time is meant to be. I’m so pleased to hear everything is going well for you and I understand your cation throughout but what an amazing exciting time for you! Thanks again xxx 🌈 👶🏼

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Ect90 · 12/02/2020 23:47

Hi guys I am so grateful to have found this chat, but I am so sorry so many of us have been through this.
I was scanned on Tuesday at the EPU when I should of been 10+3 after some pink spotting on the Saturday, I genuinely thought everything was going to be fine but she scanned me and measured me at 6 weeks. But because it is smaller than 7mm I have to go back in a weeks time, they only told me that after a second trip today to be rescanned. I understand they have to check for growth but I just know there isn’t going to be any. I am pretty sure of my dates.
I have decided for medical management, I don’t know why really but I don’t like the idea of general but I have a feeling I might miscarry before next week. The epu have given me a sick note for 2 weeks but I feel guilty for being off but I know I can’t go in I just keep crying. I feel guilty for wanting this pregnancy to end so we can try again. Honestly we are devastated . It’s an absolute mixed bag. I would just appreciate any advice really of how you guys managed bleeding wise and what I should expect over the next couple of weeks physically and emotionally. 💛

Mrs173 · 13/02/2020 08:00

Hey @Ect90 I’m sorry you are going through this at the same time as me. I was rescanned yesterday to get my confirmation and I was 10+4 yesterday but baby only 6 weeks so weirdly we are the same day and same situation but I haven’t had any bleeding or spotting the entire pregnancy. I just chose an early 9 week scan cause we were too excited to wait for the 12 week.

I can’t give any advice about bleeding as this is my first miscarriage and It hasn’t physically started yet. I think I’ve decided on surgical because I’ve had no bleeding but I might have made a different decision if I had been. I’m having mine tomorrow under a local anaesthetic as I also don’t want a general. Give yourselves time As it is hard to process a loss. I decided to work the whole time as I wanted the distraction But everyone is different and for the first week I did still have random bursts of secretly crying. We cried a lot the first week - my sister had a baby 4 days before we found out we had miscarried so that’s been tough too. But this second week I feel a lot more practical about it - some might not but I’m not any less sad but I really have stopped crying and last week I never imagined I would. Tomorrow after my MVA I am sure I will feel pretty sad and empty again but we want to try again too. Don’t feel guilty for that! We will always remember our little bean that never made it to earth but we would love children and hope that next time we will be lucky enough to meet them and raise them. Be kind to yourself it’s such a hard time. Xx

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Ect90 · 13/02/2020 08:29

@Mrs173 Thank you so much for responding. It’s just horrible, but I find some relief in knowing you are surviving this so I can too. Awww that must be difficult because you will obviously love your sisters baby and be so happy for them but the pain can be tormenting. I think that’s why I have stayed off work, because I work with babies all day long so that i think will be a trigger for me. i hope all goes well for you tomorrow and you are supported by your family and friends. Keep us updated on how you are feeling and your recovery. Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy very soon 💛

Secondsop · 13/02/2020 12:09

So sorry for you ladies who are going through this and hope the end is in sight soon. I opted for medical management after waiting 2 weeks for things to happen naturally, but that was my 3rd miscarriage so I knew what to expect. I’m really posting to say to @Ect90 - please take whatever time you need both emotionally and physically to recover. I found for my most recent one (2 years ago) that physically the bleeding was managed within a day and then tailed off like a period, but I didn’t feel like myself for a good month afterwards.My first miscarriage which happened naturally was quicker to bounce back from, probably because my body was doing everything for itself and hadn’t needed help.

Also: I got pregnant again within a few months after the first miscarriage, and have 2 children now, and I am now expecting again at the grand old age of 44, 2 years after the last miscarriage that I had truly thought was signalling the end for me. There is hope.

Foxd0g · 13/02/2020 12:24

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear of your loss - it's a traumatic time and the waiting is absolute hell!

I lost a pregnancy in a similar way last year - August time - found out a private scan, referred to NHS with almost 4 weeks of waiting (and knowing, but still vainly hoping) before they could confirm the pregnancy wasn't viable. They knew it, I knew it, but there was nothing they could do due to protocol.

I also opted for MVA as I didn't want a general anaesthetic, and they told me only one surgeon did it so I'd have to wait, but I begged and pleaded and they managed to fit me in for early morning surgery.

If it's helpful for you OP I can let you know about my experience of the surgery?

After the surgery, I had a period 30 days later, TTC the following month and fell pregnant straight away. It was horribly anxious at first and I could scarcely believe it could work out! But now I'm 23 weeks with a baby boy who checked out perfectly at his 20-week scan. I have my fingers crossed for the same outcome for you Thanks

Mrs173 · 13/02/2020 12:34

@Foxd0g thank you for your message. Yes please share how you found it. I am worried about damage etc affecting future pregnancies and am so so thrilled for you to be carrying your beautiful baby boy! I can only imagine the anxiety of being pregnant again after going through what we have! Flowers

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Foxd0g · 13/02/2020 12:55

@Mrs173 I think the risks of an MVA causing any damage really are minimal.

I think the risk is less than an ERPC under GA and the technique is considered more 'gentle' as it uses suction rather than a blind D&C process - at least that's how I understood it!

It's a technique that's been around many years and I really do think the risks of it affecting future pregnancies are super slim, so don't worry.

So for the procedure I was admitted on to the ward and got into a gown, was allocated a bed. I was definitely anxious but the nurses were reassuring and lovely which helped, and my DP was with me and stayed with me for the whole process. You will be allowed to have someone with you, even holding your hand during the procedure.

They brought me some painkillers and pre-op meds, I accepted all but the morphine as I don't like the idea of being 'out of it' - probably I'm a control freak or something! They also inserted a pessary to dilate my cervix and soften it, and I had to wait and lie down for a while until that had done its job.

I was taken through for the surgery and had an amazing nurse alongside me. The room was quite sterile, which you should prepare yourself for, as obviously being awake you can see tools and equipment etc., which is perhaps alarming if you don't expect it.

I was on a bed and had to put my legs in stirrups, and the surgeon who I'd met the previous day came in, along with a colleague who was observing the procedure to learn it (which I did agree to beforehand).

They inject the cervix with the local anaesthetic which I didn't find too bad, then they start the procedure. I personally did find it painful and asked them to stop once. BUT it lasted probably 5 minutes in total, so although I found it painful the pain is short lived.

It was quite odd in that the surgeon and his colleague were talking quite clinically to each other but my lovely nurse (who held one hand and my DP the other) again prepared me for that.

I had a bit of cervical shock once it was done and had a sort of fainting episode which the nurse helped me through and moved me, as I couldn't stand, into a bed and wheeled me back to the ward. That's not a common reaction though - it was a vasovagal response due to nerve in cervix and doesn't happen to most people. Anyway, I was fine after an hour and eating tea and toast before being discharged!

You will probably feel exhausted and drained and emotional. Definitely take time out if you can to look after yourself and don't put any strain on yourself! Bleeding for me was not super heavy constantly, it stopped and started and lasted probably three weeks, after which point I'd been given a pregnancy test to do and it was negative.

A week after that, my period arrived and was definitely heavier than normal but manageable.

The procedure is very quick - that's the positive! It happens fast and you don't see anything, although of course you'll bleed afterwards (so don't forget to bring pads to the hospital! I forgot and had to wear the big chunky nhs ones!).

I was tired and emotional for a while, but my body recovered quickly and period returned as normal.

You can do this - hope this helps and doesn't scare you! Thanks

Mrs173 · 13/02/2020 13:10

Thanks heaps for all the info. It definitely helps for me knowing what to expect. I’m actually going to a BPAS centre as my NHS hospital wouldn’t do the MVA as the wait time was a month and would only offer D&C user General anaesthetic in 10 days time. But hopefully they have a similar process. Planning on having a very chilled weekend with DH most likely full of Netflix and duvet days! Xxx

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ElodieC · 13/02/2020 15:30

I'm sorry for your loss @Mrs173.
I had an MMC in January, like you i went for a private scan at 10 weeks and baby measured only 7 weeks and no heartbeat... We were heartbroken. We then had our NHS scan scheduled 4 days later so we went and told them. They confirmed with a scan the diagnosis. I was then sent to the EPU (same hospital luckily).
I chose an MVA as I couldn't even imagine being send home to bleed out my baby. I had it the next day. So 5 days after first scan and finding out. It seemed still a very long time knowing baby was dead inside...
I would recommend the MVA but i don't think it is for everyone. It is not too painful, at least not for a long time, 5-10 minutes i would say as indeed the cervix is numb but nothing else! And as you are awake and feeling everything live it was really emotionally hard.
I felt perfect physically right after. Was sent home an hour after it was over. Bleeding on/off for 2 weeks not too much, and cramps only during 2 days, not straight after though started 3 days post surgery.
Now it has been 5 weeks post surgery and desperately waiting for my period to return. I did a pregnancy test that was negative so i'm hoping to get these any day now as we want to try again straight away.
Can some of you share how long after surgical management of miscarriage you got your period back?
Thanks and good luck to all!

Mrs173 · 13/02/2020 15:50

@ElodieC thanks for sharing your experience. My MVA is tomorrow now and it’s been just over 2 weeks since I found out which is a long time to walk around with it inside knowing what’s happening. I’m actually going to a BPAS clinic who have agreed to do it as my hospital were making me wait a month! I got the feeling they didn’t like surgical management but I just didn’t want the medical management as given the choice I felt I could emotionally deal with the surgical better. I feel pretty ready for it now and we like you just want to try again now. Hoping your period and next cycle start ASAP and sending you all the luck for a Healthy & successful pregnancy.

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Ect90 · 13/02/2020 16:37

I am really grateful for everyone sharing their experiences. There is more information on here than most websites. I am ready for it to be next month already so we can move on.
Thank you @Secondsop for your advice I had told my manager but I hadn't told my team because I am new in my job, but I have told them today, mainly so I won't be asked why I have been off when I return. I don't like being fussed, and I know if someone asked me I would be a rabbit in the headlights and cry 😥
It is really reassuring to hear you have gone on to have successful pregnancies. I can not imagine how anxious pregnancy will be after a miscarriage. I am trying to decide now should I have an early scan with the next pregnancy or try to wait it out. I don't want to feed the anxiety if that makes sense, but then I wouldn't like to wait until 12 weeks to find out. But anyway I need to get this next couple of weeks out of the way first before racing ahead.
That's a really good idea about the Bpas there is one much closer than the epu to us, I would have never realised you can access there services for a miscarriage, it makes perfect sense, and tbh I can imagine everything is handled more sensitively than the EPU I have experienced.

Mrs173 · 15/02/2020 19:54

Just updating In case anyone comes across this post while desperately searching for information and options in a scary time. I googled and mumsnetted the hell out of every post personally!

Yesterday went very well and overall I’m very glad I made the decision for the MVA. The BPAS experience was overall very good except I kept having to explain that it was in fact a planned pregnancy and a miscarriage as each time I went in a room for the different consultation parts they kept pushing contraception on me!!

The procedure itself (my person experience only - everyone is different!!) the cervix injection part not painful at all but the suction part I found very painful but as it was so short lived I didn’t ask them to stop. It was a very strange tugging sensation!! Then it was all over so quickly. A day and a half on ive still not had any bleeding at all yet - it could be still to come?

Looking forward to TTC again now! Best of luck and hugs to anyone having to go through this. 💜 it truly sucks 💔

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