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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

unwanted positive termination advice needed

53 replies

percyingle · 03/09/2007 09:50

Have just done test and apologies to those trying to conceive but this is the worst possible thing that could happen to me for several reasons financial, age, but mainly due to the horror experience i had giving birth (nearly three days labour with emergency c section) i truly thought i would die.

It feels so different from the last time when i knew i would have the baby whatever happened even though then our circumstances were far from perfect.

This time i just feel fear of the birth.
i really cant contemplate doing it again. I need advice on terminations, what happens?
will my doctor accept my reasons?

i do feel very guilty for feeling like this and am having bad dreams but the idea of leaving my child motherless is overwhelming.

have doctor appointment in two days and
would appreciate advice from anyone who has been in similar situation.
tia

OP posts:
DollyPopsOut · 05/09/2007 12:16

Oh and I would still push your GP to get you someone to talk to about your first birth. It sounds as though you had an awful time and it would be helpful to sort that out and allow you to move on from the dreadful experience. Best wishes XXXX

Blu · 05/09/2007 12:33

PercyIngle, you poor thing, this all sounds very traumatic for you.

I hope that Marie stopes will be able to help you talk through things in a way which makes it all clearer in your mind.

Of course you know now that there are two very separate issues - whether you would terminate to avoid risking the horrific birth experiecne (including your PND difficulties), and whether you wnat to be pregnant / have a child per se.

If you are confident that you simply do not want another baby - that is your decision, and I can tell you from my own experience that termination when you fell sure that you do not want to be pregnant, and have no personal barriers to early termination, can be a straightforward experience, with no lasting feelings of regret or guilt. OTH I think that if you would, in your heart of hearts, like another baby but can';t face the process, then you would risk longer term problems. In any case, it may be helpful for you to get more help in dealing with your terrible memories of what happened.

In the end, would you be
a) simply relieved not to be going ahead and having another baby,
b) feeling 'I wish I could feel happy enough about childbirth to have another baby?

Or - would you be thinking of a termination even if your last birth experience had been happy?

If not - there are all sorts of sources of help and support. Counselling of the post-traumatic-stress kind, working with a doula, attaching yourself to a midwife service that sees the same patient throughout - the brierly practice in S London, fofr e.g, attached to kings, and NHS, specialise in working with women who have mental health / depression problems (and your PND would qualify you).

But if, in the end, you simply don't want another baby, then the birth problems are not especially relevant to your decision making, perhaps.

Good luck.

You have a right to feel all you are feeling - don't clamp down your thinking with guilt and self-duobt.

lololola · 05/09/2007 18:16

hi percyingle, just wanted to say so sorry you feel so depressed. i had a termination when i was twenty five, it was absolutely the right decision at the time and i honestly have no regrets. i cant stand all these anti abortion types (usually men have you noticed!, they dont have to have the baby!) sometimes life is just too hard to face another baby, and a termination in the early months is safe. you do have to think of your current situation, and although you are not too old, you will be nearly 60 when this baby is a teenager. take care, lots of love. lololola. x x

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