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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Please make me feel better about a 28 month age gap.

44 replies

BecauseReasons · 08/02/2020 12:26

Conceived rather more easily than expected second time around and will now have a 28 month age gap between DD and DC2. Feeling a bit regretful because I'm worried it'll ruin everything and be really difficult and upsetting for DD. Anyone got any positive stories to share?

OP posts:

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latheritup · 08/02/2020 12:30

I have 8 years between my brother and I and I wouldn't change it for the world. It meant we both got to enjoy our early years without an annoying sibling around and then as we both hit adolescence we became super close. By the time he went to university I essentially became an only child but it was great!

cliffdiver · 08/02/2020 12:32

2 years 4 months between DDs.

We referred to DD2 as 'our baby' when I was pregnant and there was no resentment from DD1 at all when she was born - even though DD2 was quite a high needs baby and spent about 20 hours a day attached to me!

Happy to answer any questions.

Iggly · 08/02/2020 12:32

28 months? 2 years and 4 months?

Are you sure you’re not actually representing your own feelings here?

As far as your eldest is concerned they won’t remember a time without their new sibling once they’re older. Yes there will be a period of adjustment but as parents, you can do everything you can to help that.

Mine are 26 months apart. I’ve invested quite a lot in their sibling relationship, we had some rough spots and still get sibling jealously but actually they love each other fiercely and play nicely together.

Tableclothing · 08/02/2020 12:33

I'm sorry if I'm being really dense, but I'm not sure what is wrong with a 28 month age gap?

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2020 12:33

My son and daughter are 23 months apart and it was brilliant. They are adults now and very close.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2020 12:35

I'm sorry if I'm being really dense, but I'm not sure what is wrong with a 28 month age gap?

My thought, too. I don't understand what you're so worried about.

TrickyKid · 08/02/2020 12:37

So 2 years 4 months? That's fairly standard isn't it?

Wavingwhiledrowning · 08/02/2020 12:37

There's exactly two years between our first two, and 2.5 years between the 2nd and 3rd. First two are inseparable. They argue, just like all siblings, but they're super close and have an absolute blast together. We always joke at Christmas and birthdays that presents are essentially pointless, because they're favourite toy is each other. No idea what it'll be like when the youngest is old enough to join in.
I really think the actual age gap is irrelevant, it just depends on whether they get on. There are only 18 months between me and my sister, and we've never, ever been close. Now essentially estranged, which is a shame, but we're very different people.

Mammyloveswine · 08/02/2020 12:40

4 data short of 2 years between my two! It's not been easy but it's been ok!

28 months is ok, by the time baby is crawling etc you'll have. 3 year old who will understand a bit more!

In the early days the older sibling doesn't get too bothered by the younger one as they don't do a lot!

Original poster

BecauseReasons · 08/02/2020 12:40

She just seems to little still. There's a 23 month gap between my sister and I and, according to family legend (obviously I don't remember) I totally lost my bond with my mum once my sister was born. Dad was far and away my favourite growing up but I don't remember the time when my sister arrived or before it. Apparently I was quite close to my mum back then and haven't been since. Concerned that something similar may happen to my relationship with DD.

Also, DD was very high needs and screamy as a baby- I couldn't put her down at all for months. Now she's much more settled but I'm worried in case the second one is line she was and I can't play with her anymore because I've permanently got my arms full. Don't want to end up resenting baby number two if things go pear-shaped.

OP posts:

SuperMeerkat · 08/02/2020 12:40

I’d say that’s a fab age gap. There’s 20 months between me and my sister and we’re really close. DH’s two have 6 years which is rubbish as they have nothing in common and activities are impossible. My DS is an only child so no comment.

Original poster

BecauseReasons · 08/02/2020 12:40

*so little, not too little

OP posts:

mamabear2409 · 08/02/2020 12:42

There's exactly a year and a week between my DD and DS and no regrets! It wasn't planned - I was about to start contraception tablets but figured I was pregnant in the nick of time! Felt awful during pregnancy as I thought DD would feel as though I've forgotten about her but honestly she loves her baby brother a lot! She's always calling out for baby - I swear she even says it in her sleep. She can get a bit rough with him so in the midst of teaching her kind hands. Forever praying they'll grow up and be the best of friends

Original poster

BecauseReasons · 08/02/2020 12:43

@cliffdiver Thank you. How did you balance the needs of baby 2 with the needs of your toddler without toddler feeling pushed out? Did you make an effort to spend one on one time with your toddler? How did you make time with your toddler? Do you feel like it affected your bond with your toddler in any way?

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GaaaaarlicBread · 08/02/2020 12:44

I can’t say from experience of having two children as I’m currently expecting DC1 , but there’s 2 years 4 months between myself and my brother and it was never an issue , and we are very close .

Spam88 · 08/02/2020 12:45

2 years 7 months between mine. Youngest doesn't like to be put down so the sling is a lifesaver. My eldest is amazing with him though 😍 absolutely adores him.

Jessie9323 · 08/02/2020 12:47

I'm going to have 15 months between mine when my current baby is due in may!

smeerf · 08/02/2020 12:52

I aimed for a similar age gap specifically as I've read so many people raving about how well it works. It's the exact same gap as DP and SIL and they have an amazing bond now. I think you're just scared by the horror stories from your family.

Bluerussian · 08/02/2020 12:55

I'm sure it will be fine, hopefully the eldest will be out of nappies by then and soon be going to play group sometimes. I'd have thought it was a normal enough age gap though my preference would have been three years but - so what?

Congratulations on your pregnancy, hope all goes well.

troppibambini · 08/02/2020 12:55

I would have thought that's a pretty ideal gap.
When dc3 was 13 weeks old I found out I was pregnant again...
I cried and swore a lot.
They are the closest two brothers could possibly be (5 and 6 now) we call them the krays
It will be fine op.

EvaHarknessRose · 08/02/2020 13:05

23 month gap here. I used to squeeze into the playhouse and read books to dd1 while feeding dd2. Dd1 was fun for dd2 to sit and watch and prompted her first laugh. She's like an auxiliary extra parent to dd2 who never has to think for herself.

Original poster

BecauseReasons · 08/02/2020 13:10

Thanks for the reassurance.

@Bluerussian 3 would be my preference too, but I really didn't think it'd happen so soon- I've not even had a post-partum AF yet and we weren't actively trying! I thought I'd be OK with the gap being this size but then it happened and I started having doubts. We are planning to potty train DD in the early summer (we've had some success with wees and poos, but aren't really promoting it yet). I do wonder though if she'll regress when the new baby comes?

OP posts:

bitheby · 08/02/2020 13:11

What's the problem? I have two siblings. Exactly the same gap as yours down to my sister and another 24 months to my brother. It was great growing up with us all close in age. And being the eldest it meant I got to boss them about and play games my way!

eyemask · 08/02/2020 13:18

Two of mine are less than two years apart. Slightly tough in the beginning but as they've got older the benefits have really started to come out. They're into the same things and they could chat to each other all day bar a few much needed quiet time slots. I think what you're having is the classic 'omg I'm pregnant shock my which most people have even if the baby is planned and the age gap is your way of justifying it. It will all be okay.

cliffdiver · 08/02/2020 13:19

How did you balance the needs of baby 2 with the needs of your toddler without toddler feeling pushed out?

If they were both crying and I knew that DD2 was fed / didn't need a nappy change then I often prioritised DD1 emotional needs. DD1 has always been 'wise' though and understood DD2 needed to be held a lot as she couldn't sit / amuse herself. It was also in her best interests for me to keep DD2 quiet

Did you make an effort to spend one on one time with your toddler?

This was hard, as DD2 was EBF, which meant I could not leave her. DD2 hated the pram, so I wore her a lot but this was good as no buggy to push meant I could always hold DD1s hand etc when we were out.

How did you make time with your toddler?

We still did everything we did before - days out etc and I became a pro at playing one handed whilst holding DD2.

Do you feel like it affected your bond with your toddler in any way?

Honestly, no - not at all. It probably helped that DD2 arrived in her Moses basket on top of a brand new trampoline.

They are 8 and almost 6 now and generally get on very well.

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