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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should DH stay for whole of induction?

46 replies

crazymuseummumtobe · 30/01/2020 19:15

I'm due to be induced on Tuesday at 41+5. We're trying to work if DH should start his two weeks leave on Tuesday, or I go in alone and he carries on working (he's a teacher, so lesson cover makes things a bit complicated) until Weds or Thurs when things really get underway. We're keen not to waste any of his two weeks, but don't really know what to do.

Any experiences gratefully received!

OP posts:

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DecemberSnow · 30/01/2020 19:17

My sister was induced.
Baby came within 12 hours

Friend was induced
Baby took 3 days

Everyone is different...
There really isn't an answer to your question

Soontobe60 · 30/01/2020 19:19

When I was induced it took 2 days before I went into labour but once I did, I gave birth n 4 hours!
You could go in by yourself and DH be on standby if he's not too far from the hospital.

IDontDrinkTea · 30/01/2020 19:20

Depends how easy it would be for him to leave during his working day if things kicked off really. I sent my DH to work when I was induced but he could be with me within an hour if I needed him to be

Purpleartichoke · 30/01/2020 19:20

I would want him there from the start. You never know if things will go smoothly or not. I’d want to guarantee he was there when baby was born, especially if you are incapacitated. The baby needs a parent present at all times and you may or may not be capable of serving as an adequate advocate.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/01/2020 19:25

Took 2 days for me

Narcheska · 30/01/2020 19:25

I've had 3 inductions

1st 42 weeks - within 1hr of pessary going in my waters went and I was 4cm so rushed off to delivery! We were told it would be 24-48 hrs before anything happened so I had to call my DS1 dad and he ran back from our house

2nd 38 weeks. 3 days but labour suit was shut as it was full so they purposely didn't push me too far with labour.

3rd baby was there within 10 hours but again I was waiting a bit for a room to give birth in in the labour suit. Baby actually came very quickly! Went 3-10 in 20 mins and 2 mins later she was born

Dyra · 30/01/2020 19:56

Only the one baby and induction. Induced at 37 weeks. DH stayed with me for the whole process.

First day was the gel pessaries trying to get labour started. Gels went in first thing in the morning as there was only one other induction that day (a rarity).

Labour didn't get started until early the following morning when I had my waters broken and the drip attached. I was bought down to delivery suite at 1am, but only because the delivery suite was virtually empty (only one woman in labour and MAU empty - both rarities) and the midwives were itching for something to do.

In hindsight, we felt the first day was a waste of DH's paternity leave, and he should have gone to work. However, DH could have easily come to join me within an hour of it had been necessary. On the other hand, I was very nervous and wanted him there anyway.

Given you're overdue (your cervix might be more favourable, so the pessaries alone might be enough to send you into labour), and it might be difficult for your DH to leave work at the last minute to join you, I think you might have to take the loss of a day or so of paternity leave.

Of course you might go into labour before Tuesday and all of this conjecture will be unnecessary.

Ginger1982 · 30/01/2020 20:05

I was induced at 38 weeks. DH came with me and sat about for 2 days before anything happened! Waste of 2 days of paternity leave!

halcyondays · 30/01/2020 20:12

Do you know what time they want you to come in at? I was asked to come in late afternoon then they sent him home about 9 p.m and phoned about 7a.m in the morning when things started happening.

Lunafortheloveogod · 30/01/2020 20:13

It was the second day at 38weeks for me and the 4th for my friend at 41w.

There’s no real way to estimate anything until you’ve had your first examination (you might already be dilated enough to break your waters before or after the first).. I’m assuming there’s no way he could take 3 day’s as annual leave so he’s not missing anything if it is quick and he can’t get out but at the same time you aren’t using potentially half his paternity leave with you still in hospital.

ronniemipperton · 30/01/2020 20:16

I am currently on my second day of sitting around waiting for there to be space on the labour ward for things to kick off (literally nothing has happened apart from blood pressure and occasional CTG monitoring so far). DH has been here during the day as he’s freelance; if he wasn’t and had more restrictive paternity leave I’d have encouraged him to go to work. Though obviously you don’t know in advance that it’s going to take ages before anything happens, and hopefully yours won’t involve as much waiting around :)

Finefinedandy · 30/01/2020 20:23

With my second baby my husband went home when I was in very early labour and I progressed so quickly later that night that even though we only loved 15 minutes away I ended up giving birth on my own. It was actually really intense and special for me just with my baby but I know it upsets my husband so much that he missed it.

Basically anything could happen and although it’s likely just to take a good while with your first baby you might want to think about how you’d feel if he couldn’t get back or even if you needed more intervention and he wasn’t around.

Hope it goes well for you - you will most likely take ages in labour and both be bored there but you just don’t know!

nevisbump · 30/01/2020 20:23

Had two inductions and husband didn't hang around until I was in active labour. For both I was in overnight for the induction to work and there was no way he was allowed to stay at the hospital. I would say wait until active labour to make the post of time off

smeerf · 30/01/2020 20:25

I had the pessary in the morning and baby was born 0:30 the next day. I'd say he could work the Tuesday but probably best to take the We'd onwards off.

WoollyFoolly · 30/01/2020 20:29

I was induced with my first and it took just over 2 hours. You just can't know, you need to decide which would be worse for you, being in labour alone or DH potentially using a day of paternity before it's needed.

Original poster

crazymuseummumtobe · 30/01/2020 20:31

Thanks everyone, some really interesting feedback there! His work is only 20 minutes jog from the hospital, so we'll see if we can engineer a way for him to come in with me and see me settled, then head back to work until action gets going!

And yes, fingers crossed, this dilemma won't come in to play at all! Come on, baby, we want to meet you!

OP posts:

c24680 · 30/01/2020 20:32

Everyone's different but in my case I was induced 3 times and she arrived on day 7 so essentially we felt like he had wasted a week of leave!

Do you live far from the hospital? If you don't and his work is flexible I would wait until your in labour.

DonnaDarko · 30/01/2020 20:39

I was induced. I was 'hyper stimulated' by the drugs which meant that I was in labour within an hour and having 8 contractions a minute.

DS still took 24 hours to arrive FFS.

Luckily, this was over a weekend! But DP would have just taken the time off work anyway because he was incredibly worried and didn't want to miss anything. I am really grateful he stuck around so he could fight my corner cos I was too exhausted and in too much pain to do it myself.

So, maybe he should just go in with you to begin with and then you make the decision on whether he needs to stay.

DonnaDarko · 30/01/2020 20:40

*8 contraction in 10 minutes

Still horrible

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/01/2020 20:42

He should also have the Feb half term off as well - is he allowed to split his paternity so a week before the half term and a week after?

Bert2020 · 30/01/2020 20:44

Completely agree everyone is different, 5 LONG days from start to finish for me but many of the other women were in and onto labour ward within hours, 2 didn’t make it and delivered on the induction bay.

Happiedays · 30/01/2020 20:50

Really sad by the amount of people saying their leave was wasted... Technically paternity leave shouldn't start until after the baby is born so the employer should be covering the leave in another way www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave/leave

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/01/2020 21:02

Bloody good point.

The gov.uk website also says that he is entitled to a company you to two antenatal appointments so I'd class the induction as this. He can then notify work of the baby's arrival date and subsequently, pat leave will then kick in.

WombatStewForTea · 30/01/2020 21:14

When is his half term? Guessing it might be in 2 weeks? I'm guessing he's not going to be able to split his paternity either side of half term (unless he's got a really understanding head teacher!) in which case some of his paternity leave would be eaten up by half term anyway so he wouldn't waste it as such by being with you.
Obv what would be ideal is if baby got a wriggle on and you got his two weeks + half term!

Happiedays · 30/01/2020 21:20

Really you shouldn't be on 'paternity leave' and, 'holiday' at the same time. Although is might be different for teachers... Although I could see it eating into their holiday entitlement and seeing them as discriminated against

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