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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should DH stay for whole of induction?

46 replies

crazymuseummumtobe · 30/01/2020 19:15

I'm due to be induced on Tuesday at 41+5. We're trying to work if DH should start his two weeks leave on Tuesday, or I go in alone and he carries on working (he's a teacher, so lesson cover makes things a bit complicated) until Weds or Thurs when things really get underway. We're keen not to waste any of his two weeks, but don't really know what to do.

Any experiences gratefully received!

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Original poster

crazymuseummumtobe · 30/01/2020 21:22

@Happiedays - well, quite. That's an argument for a different day though... 🙄 Apparently it's 'different' for him because he's a teacher and unpaid/special leave just isn't a thing...

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Happiedays · 30/01/2020 21:29

Yes, I completely understand what your saying. Weirdly I have quite a few friends who are teachers and the things they are allowed to book off of work vary considerably. I have one that can book 'special' occasions off such as hen do's, funerals, weddings, birth of a child etc, and another where nothing is considered and you must be there no matter what. I think it really comes down to their contract and the distict. Even so, I truly believe he should be allowed to take the time before the birth of either absence or parental leave and the paternity leave should start from the day of birth.

Happiedays · 30/01/2020 21:31

As*

Original poster

crazymuseummumtobe · 30/01/2020 21:34

Thanks for your understanding. I think you can sense my frustration!

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Mamabear2020 · 30/01/2020 21:41

I was induced and baby arriger within 14 hours of contractions starting (they started a couple of hours after I had pessary.)

How are you being induced? I was keen not to stay in as I didnt think pessary would work so our hospital inserted it and let me go home, told me to come back in 24hrs if nothing had happened. Would something like that be an option as you might be less anxious and more comfortable at home, and he may be less worried going to work then?

Mamabear2020 · 30/01/2020 21:42

*arrived even

AuntieMaggie · 30/01/2020 21:43

Recently had my second induction - with my first dp came in all day every day (wasn't allowed to stay overnight) this time he came with me when I first went in and then visited but didn't stay all day. I sent him home as I figured we'd have enough time sat around boring each other once labour started and I could watch downloaded TV/read in peace I called him to come in when they took me to delivery room to break my waters but to be honest he didn't really need to be there for that either.

Happiedays · 30/01/2020 21:46

@crazymuseummumtobe you really don't have to get it. It's such an exciting, confusing, amazing time!!! Your child will be here soon and it will all be wormed out. Such an amazing experience

mineofuselessinformation · 30/01/2020 21:55

Just tell him to discuss it with his line manager at work and see what they say.
They may be able to have cover on standby if he needs to be with you urgently. (He will also need to make sure his lessons are cover-friendly for those days, and maybe email them in advance so that they are there if needed. The last thing he will want to do is being panicking about getting to you and doing emails at the same time!)
Hopefully they will also be sympathetic to him also taking you to the hospital and getting you settled - that part they can at least plan for.
Good luck!

mineofuselessinformation · 30/01/2020 21:56

P.S. he would also be wise to plan / ask for a few hours at least when you first go in, in case things kick off quickly.

bringbackspanishflu · 30/01/2020 21:56

I'd say have him there if you both want that support, you'll want some company for the duration.book it as Annual leave?

He can go back to work while you are in hospital after birth and start the paternity leave when you come go
E

Waterlemon · 30/01/2020 22:12

I’m a teacher, and was induced twice as very overdue.

Dc1 was born in under 12 hours of induction
DC2 was born in under an hour!!!
As I started labour so quickly, I really needed DH by my side.
On the other hand I know friends that took days to get going. You just cannot predict these things.

Teachers still have the same rights to paternity leave as everyone else.
neu.org.uk/advice/paternity

I’d ask him to book leave of absence to attend your induction appointment/labour (half or full day depending on appointment time) Then play it by ear. Union advice says pat leave cannot start till day baby is born at earliest anyway.

But seriously, he is entitled to the time off and shouldn’t be stressing about sorting out cover etc. The school just have to get on with it! I’d even go as far as asking DH to phone in sick on the Monday! (But I’m pretty angry and jaded atm, due to my overtime being declined, and having to involve the union)

If he waits till later in the week, he will lose those days anyway as it will be half term and paternity leave has to be continuous. He won’t be able to carry those days over into the next half term.
There is A life To live outside of the classroom walls.

Hayley94 · 31/01/2020 09:28

I would call it on the Wednesday. Especially if your booked in dinner time or later xx

Engard · 31/01/2020 10:04

I'm being induced on Wednesday have decided that husband will go to work and I'll call him once I start to feel twitches.

Last induction took 8 hours before contractions happened, that could have been time he got to spend with baby!

As long as he's contactable and can reach you in 30mins or so I see no reason why he needs to be there for the early process.

Original poster

crazymuseummumtobe · 31/01/2020 10:07

@Engard - will you go in by yourself then?

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20viona · 31/01/2020 10:17

I went in at 3am and had a couple of pessarys and nothing happened until 9pm when they broke my waters and baby was born 11.50pm. However I wouldn't of changed it for the world to experience the whole thing together and it's bloody boring waiting around.

LittleDragonGirl · 31/01/2020 10:21

I'm not sure paternity leave has to be continuous.. I remember a friend taking paternity leave as 1 day a week for so many weeks, as he wanted to be their over a longer span of time and his Dw was pretty self sufficient. 🤔

Engard · 31/01/2020 10:22

@crazymuseummumtobe

Yes will do (unless they schedule my induction for after my husband finishing work)
We've been there before, was induced with my daughter. Got there for 9am, had observations done then induction started at 11am. Contractions started at 7/8pm. It was a lot of waiting around.

The plan is to take a book in and enjoy a few hours of peace 😆

I'll call him after my internal exam, if cervix is favourable and they can break waters he'll come straight in otherwise I'm gonna call him once contractions start. He's only 20mins away.

Lauren83 · 31/01/2020 10:26

I was induced although it was at 38.1, went in the Monday, by Wednesday nothing was getting me going so was listed for a section wed lunchtime but then that was pushed back to Thu, was discharged Friday. I'm glad DP was with me but it did mean he pretty much lost a week of paternity leave

wishful2012 · 31/01/2020 20:33

I was induced with my second and had him 6 hours later

pottypotamus · 01/02/2020 07:49

You really can't tell with how long it'll take to work. With my first at 39weeks, I was induced Wednesday evening and gave birth Sunday evening! He just didn't want to come out!

With second I was induced Friday evening and gave birth Saturday morning. At 40weeks.

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