So terrified of labour?

[pizza97]

Morning guy, apologises for the most ridiculous thread I feel all this pregnancy has done to me is just cause me to worry 10x's more than I already do!
So my worry lately is labour, I'm absolutely terrified of it! I've heard so many horror stories, all I keep thinking is I won't be able to handle it, and it's scaring me a ridiculous amount! I'm aware I have no choice but I'm just so worried, any advice??
Thanks in advanced! X

Have you looked into hypnobirthing?

Hypnobirthing is great. Don't be scared, it's a natural process and you'll smash it. Whatever kind of birth you have it you will have done the most amazing thing x

Don't be.
People are so quick to go 'oh I had the most horrific birth'. FWIW I had a lovely birth, yes it hurt it's going to hurt but you get through it because your body is bloody amazing!
I was pushing for about 2-3 hours in the end. Was I exhausted, yep! But I'd do it all again tomorrow.
The way I looked at it throughout pregnancy was, well this baby has to come out somehow.
I do feel if you're so anxious like this talk to your MW and I personally think sometimes labour can seem worse too people this anxious.

How far along are you? I find nearer the end when you are a bit uncomfortable you don't worry about the labour as much you just want to be back to normal and very excited to meet your baby.

I have had two children. Neither were easy but wasn't awful either. Even though they were long labours the actual painful parts were not that long.

Also remember birth stories passed on are usually the more dramatic ones, not the regular ones. Similar to wisdom teeth stories. As soon as I found out I had to get a wisdom tooth removed everyone remembers as story of some horrific extraction. Reality was fine.

@LBB2020 what is hypnobirthing?
And I'm 20 weeks. But this worry has just hit me all of a sudden, like there's no way I'd be able to deal with if I'm such a frantic mess this pregnancy over everything and anything hah

I remember at ante natal my midwife saying that everyone worries about the labour but it’s the 18 years after you need to worry about! It really made me laugh.

She said worst case it’s 24 hours of your life and never insurmountable.

I was worried about labour and the pain was worse than I expected. But then I had an epidural and all was right with the world. Baby was delivered by caesarean in the end as turned sideways but it wasn’t really scary. Just a relief to be past the childbirth part.

You’ll be fine OP. Everyone loves to make childbirth seem like this dramatic thing. It’s like a competition to find out who had the worst experience. Just listen to your midwife, take the drugs you want and it’ll be over before you know it.

P.s in labour, time goes reaaaaally fast. So 24 hours feels more like 4!

You do have a choice!

After doing extensive research I have opted for an ELCS. It's not the 'easy option' and carries its own potential risks, however, a potentially long and painful labour isn't one of them.

Maternal choice matters and you have be comfortable with whatever you decide. I'm not trying to sway you towards a c section but I think it'd be beneficial for you to read up on the pro's and con's of both types of delivery and go from there.

Never feel that you don't have a choice as that isn't true.

I love giving birth. Big time. I've had all my babies now, and the thing that makes me consider more (fleetingly) is being able to give birth again.

It's the most incredible, bizarre experience, and sometimes I'm sad for DH that he won't get to experience it. The pushing stage is amazing. Like you're just sitting in your body and it suddenly starts doing everything without you. It's a reflex to give birth - who knew! Once you give over to it, it's pretty amazing.

Yes, it is painful, but the pain is different to normal pain. Psychologically, it's not a warning, like burning your hand or cutting your knee, so I find it quite manageable.

The only time I didn't was when I had an unexpectedly fast first labour and was told I had 12hours at least left before baby arrived. I panicked thinking I would die of pain before then, and the second I panicked, I was suddenly in unmanageable pain. DH brought me back down, and DD1 was born 20 minutes later!

I've had 3 completely unmedicated vaginal deliveries because I never needed the pain relief, despite being in pain (I know that sounds bizarre). 2 fairly standard births (though back to back) and one breech twin birth. I was fortunate in that I only ever had a graze (with my second), but nothing else. Though I do attribute that in part to being able to move freely etc due to lack of pain relief.

I just wanted to share this to demonstrate that not everyone thinks of labour and childbirth as this horrible traumatic pain they had to endure. And I know other women who view it positively, too.

The trick is to stay calm. Easier said than done, but breathing is really important, and the better you breathe, the easier it is. As PPs have suggested, htpnobirthing may be good for you

@pizza97 please look up the positive birth company or another hypnobirthing course. I'm 37 weeks and honestly excited about birth! I'm doing the Positive Birth Company digital pack because actual courses are too expensive and it was only £39. It was recommended to me and so many people say how much it has helped them in the lead up to labour and during labour with the breathing techniques.

Hypnobirthing sounds strange but it's just mindset and breathing! Definitely have a look if you're feeling nervous 😊 all the best x

I was also going to suggest hypnobirthing. The idea is to learn how to put yourself into a relaxed state during labour and reduce your fear of labour. It emphasises that labour is a natural process and not to be feared. This leads to you feeling in control of the process and contractions seem less painful. It worked really well for me.

You can attend classes or 1-1 sessions, or buy a book and/or CDs.

I think it really helps to educate yourself about birth so you know what's happening and feel a bit more in control. Hypnobirthing includes a bit of that and you could also do your own reading. I read loads about complications, how to reduce the likelihood of interventions and C-section etc and found it really helpful to have that information as my birth didn't go to plan and hypnobirthing went out of the window! It was still a positive experience and I believe that was because I understood what was happening and why.

You never know what labour is going to be like. You know that it will end though. Ina May in her guide to childbirth book has a sentence about pain that really resonated with me - it's not something that can be re-experience. You can think back on an embarrassing experience for example and feel embarassment/shame again but you can't think back and re-experience pain, only the other emotions you might have been feeling like fear, confusion. I found it helpful to approach preparing for labour as being able to manage my emotions as I believe that's a source trauma post partum rather than the actual physical sensations you'll feel. I did try and prepare pain relief techniques but didn't end up using them properly.

It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be . I had no pain relief either . I think ppl are very quick to tell the horror stories but there are many who also have straight forward births and you don't get to hear about those as much

Hypnobirthing is relaxation techniques such as visualisation and breathing etc.
You hear more bad experiences than good, it’s painful and hard but also incredible! Easier said than done but try not to get yourself worked up about it x

Read the positive birth book. It’s really good. Full of practical advice.

I don’t get why women are insistent on sharing horror stories especially with first time mums. It’s so not helpful and it’s more a therapy for them but traumatises the other mum!! As you can see from above for every horror story there will be a good one. If someone starts to tell you an awful story be brave enough to say I’m sorry I don’t want to hear that at the minute. Years ago the whole village would be around the birthing mum giving helpful advice and encouraging her. Now it seems who has one up manship on how many stitches .

Surround yourself with positive stories. Read helpful books. Attend antenatal/nct classes to get first hand information and be prepared. It’s your body and your baby and you can totally do this.

Don't listen to people's horror stories. I was the same as you. But I had a 34 hour labour which ended in emergency cecasarean (wouldn't progress past 9.5cm), but I was amazed at how I coped. I only had gas and air. Just take it one contraction at a time and follow your instincts. I loved labour and am not scared at having to do it again.

I literally cannot thank you all enough, you've made me feel 100x's better! Everytime I put something on here I always get so much support this network is truly amazing!

I'm sure you'll be fine
I wasn't scared at all on the run up as I just thought that it'll all work out and what will be will be
The birth was the easy part
The sleepless nights and days on the maternity ward are what I remember with dread, but you'll just get through it because you have to.

It’s understandable to be worried about something you have not experienced. As others have said read up on what to expect and positive birth stories.
I had two lovely births particularly my second . It does hurt but it’s also amazing at seeing what your body can does.

FreakyToes I'm interested in how you found requesting an elective caesarean? For various reasons I think it would be the best option when the time comes but everything I've read indicates the NHS will strongly try to dissuade you!

@Semele5069 I did a lot of research before falling pregnant and knew that it was the road I wanted to go down.

I mentioned it to my midwife at my booking appointment and she said that they are fairly supportive of maternal choice but that it would be the obstetrician that would have to sign off on it. She said she will arrange an appointment for me to meet with the consultant to discuss it, during which they will go through the pro's and cons of ELCS and VB.

From what I've heard (anecdotally), unless there's is a medical for you to have a c section then most trusts do try to push you in the direction of a vaginal birth. However, you have to be strong and stand your ground.

As the NICE guidelines state, maternal request should be granted. As long as you can demonstrate that you are aware of the risks involved and consent to them carrying out the procedure in full knowledge of the possibilities then they should proceed as per your wishes. If they won't then they should refer you to another consultant who will.

I haven't met with the consultant yet but am armed with all the info I need. Bottom line is, don't be pushed into doing anything that you aren't comfortable with. You have to show your understanding and advocate for yourself but ultimately, it's your decision.

I can recommend the Maggie Howell natal hypnobirthing cd and book, helped me stay calm and focussed. It doesn't take the pain away, but helps you to kind of go with it if that makes sense, it also helped me stay calm in the last few weeks of pregnancy and helped with my breathing during labour. As PP said, everyone is quick to share a bad experience, less so on the positive side

@FreakyToes thanks for that, really interesting! I hope you get on ok with your consultant and get what's right for you.xx

I won't lie, it hurt like hell and I thought I would die. But I didn't. I have a low pain threshold in general.

My mother is epileptic and dislocates her shoulders when she fits. She would take childbirth over that pain all day everyday.

The point is, however much it hurts you will get through it! And there will be a baby to meet at the end of it ❤️

I also recommend the positive birth company. Their digital pack was the best money I've ever spent. And the Facebook page / there blog with all the positive birth stories was god sent. We even ended up having our own story published on the blog! It's been the most empowering experience on my life and now that I'm pregnant with #2 we will use it again. Yes, we - DH and I. It helped him immensely too.

Read "The positive birth book" by Milli Hill. If anyone starts telling you awful labour stories, walk away. Remember, a lot of people do this more than once, start looking into positive birth stories. You are going to get to meet your baby and whether that's vaginally or c-section it will most likely be one of the most amazing days of your life!