So scared - should I terminate?

[Fracshun]

Hi ladies - I have been searching the web (and crying) all day. I'm at my wits' end. I've just found out I'm pregnant, 5.5 weeks. It wasn't planned, but it wasn't unplanned either. I was stupidly very relaxed and que sera sera about falling pregnant - we want a baby, but thought we would just see if we were lucky enough to get one rather than charting and tracking and scheduling sex etc.

As such I wasn't very educated on what I needed to do. I have just been reading about neural tube defects and taking folate and now feel completely terrible. I wasn't taking any prenatal vitamins (have always been suss on multi-vitamins, and feel like so much of what is marketed to preg women is just a play on mother's guilt by unscrupulous corporations). But now I clearly understand that I should have been taking folate already (apparently the first month is the most critical) and feel like an utter twat and am so terrified that I have caused my baby to develop irreversible birth defects.

On top of that I was drinking over Christmas a load and just feel like utter sh*t about what kind of mum I am already to be honest. I am at the point where I feel a termination and trying again might be better than bearing a child who I have caused a life of difficulty for, but feel just as awful at the thought of losing her (him?).

Any advice or thoughts? I feel lost...

The month before I found out I was pregnant I took up a vigorous exercise routine, was drinking and not taking vitamins. Like you I spent a lot of time feeling guilty and worrying. My baby isn't here yet but nothing looked abnormal on either scan and I no longer give that first month a second thought. I think plenty of people are in a similar boat to you. We were actively trying for a baby but had had no luck for 18 months and I was fed up with "doing everything right" without success so I ditched the vitamins and got back on the gin, and then it happened!

You’re being a little hard on yourself... I was the same as you, I didn’t prepare, didn’t take vitamins whilst trying to get pregnant (I literally fell pregnant a month after coming off contraception). I’m 14 weeks now and so far (touch wood) all is ok. Please don’t beat yourself up. This literally is no indication of what kind of mum you will be. You wanted this baby and I imagine you will feel even worse if you terminate (and really there’s no reason to). The first trimester hormones made me completely anxious so I know where your fears are coming from. Just please talk through all this with a professional before making any decisions hun x

I didn't realise until I was pregnant at about same time as you - also a bit que sera sera.

She's three now and absolutely fine.

Women all over the world get pregnant unexpectedly every day OP, you'll be fine.

I didn't take any vitamins until my first scan at 12 weeks.
I also had a few binge drinking sessions before I found out I was pregnant.

Some people do everything 'right' and baby isn't healthy. My LO is healthy and thriving (now 8months old).

If you want to have the baby you'll probably be fine. Go get some supplements today.

What? I never took any supplements back in the 80's as I was 21 and completely ignorant, I had a perfectly healthy baby. So do hundreds of other women all over the world who don't take them.
Don't you think you are having a bit of an overeaction?

You are being ridiculous, there is no need to terminate.
We weren’t actively TTC and didn’t take any prenatal vitamins before BFP. I conceived in Dec 18 and drank heavily as was over Christmas.

All was fine, my 16 week old is snoring beside me.

Just take the supplements now and enjoy your pregnancy.

Ditto Megan, had no idea I was pregnant until I was 3 months gone, smoked, got pissed and smoked weed.
My son is a 40 year old marathon runner and has a degree.

My surprise first baby was conceived in Christmas party season, I was convinced they were a hangover until I realised I shouldn’t still be feeling shit and being sick 5 days later. I drank A LOT and never took vitamins until late on.

They are 11 now and just left the house to go to school early as they are on early practice, great at sports, doing well academically.

These things are important but also overhyped, our parents were drinking and smoking and certainly never taking folate during pregnancy. You really need to relax and don’t even think of terminating!

Neutral tube defects are uncommon. Taking folic acid makes them less likely, but it's not like everyone who forgets them with definitely have a baby with an issue. Many people drink before they realise they are pregnant and even more don't take folic acid, the vast majority have healthy babies.

Dont forget the first 2 weeks are before you're actually pregnant, so your baby is really only 3.5 weeks old

You're being hysterical op. It will most likely to be fine. I'm the real world outside of mn, not all babies are planned. Many women do not take vitamins that early (11w for me).

The drinking is way too early to have an effect, as far as I know.

It will be fine

You are definitely having a major overreaction! What do you think women hundreds of years ago did when there was no Pregnacare???? Terminating a pregnancy because you haven't taken your vitamins and had a drink before you found out is totally ridiculous. I went out and got smashed the weekend before I found out I was pregnant - all is well, my 8 year old is happily sitting on the sofa having his breakfast right now. I also didn't take any with my daughter as I was sick as a dog the first 15 weeks. She is also fine. If you want to carry on with the pregnancy you will need to take a look at your attitude as you are going to find pregnancy hard if you continue to catastrophise everything like this. Good luck xx

You’re overthinking this.

I fell pregnant before Christmas 2016. I found out I was pregnant the first week of January. Had no idea- was using contraception. The first I knew of it was when I turned my nose up at a gin and tonic and instinctively thought “that’s weird.”

In between falling pregnant and finding out, I went on a three week bender, drinking, using drugs, taking prescription drugs, climbing in and out of and working locks (I was on the boat), smoking, and eating all of the things you “shouldn’t” eat.

I hadn’t taken any multivitamins and I worried myself sick about those first weeks when I found out I was pregnant.

My 3 year old is currently sat in front of me eating his breakfast. He’s absolutely, absolutely perfect.

The number of women I know who were actually taking the prenatal vitamins is far fewer than those who didn’t- all the babies are fine. Don’t worry.

I was on honeymoon when I found out I was pregnant (around 4/5 weeks) and had just done a wine tram tour the day before..

Hadn’t been taking any prenatal vits etc.

We had taken the same approach as you (not trying/not preventing) - it just happened quite quickly!

I really really think you should stop being so hard on yourself. Start taking your folic acid now and eat healthy etc. It’s still so SO early days the embryo is so tiny at the moment, it will be fine.

It sounds like a wanted and planned baby - I think termination would be a massive over reaction.

I know people that have found out they were pregnant so late on, some basically in labour, and all were fine. So try to stop panicking and Start enjoying your pregnancy!

Congrats!!

Congratulations OP, try not to worry. Most women don’t find out until this stage or thereabouts and I’d say the majority don’t take folic acid in that first month - only those who are trying and being conscientious.

As for the drinking, again this is extremely common in the first few weeks - you really don’t need to panic about it.

Start taking the folic acid now and be happy :)

I didn’t take folate at first either - we were “trying” believing I’d need IVF, but nobody told my reproductive system so we got very unexpected twins. They both have disabilities but nothing to do with folic acid or anything I could have done differently.

I understand the panic but if it’s overwhelming to the point you’re genuinely considering termination then I would see your GP for reassurance and some extra support if you need it.

Binge drinking this early in the pregnancy would almost certainly result in spontaneous abortion if the baby were harmed. Developmental defects due to drinking occur when it's more fully formed

People had babies for millennia without taking folate. It's probably going to be fine.

Millions of healthy babies are born the world over without their mothers having taken folic acid. Calm right down.

As everyone else has said you need to take a breather and calm down. You're not a terrible person for not taking vitamins, you're not going to have caused any damage by drinking before you even knew you were pregnant! Millions of women do a lot worse knowing they're pregnant, you'll be absolutely fine.

It's probably the shock of it that's hit you, when I found out I was pregnant and saw a list of 'don’t do's I could cross 95% off them off that I'd done them in the previous two weeks and felt awful. Currently 38 weeks with a perfectly healthy baby.

I didnt take any folic acid before getting pregnant and when I found out although i did start i suffered with such bad sickness that I would throw up after taking them so stopped. I tried to eat healthily when I could stomach any food but the baby will just take everything it needs from you anyway.

I am 33weeks pregnant with healthy twins so they have suffered no ill effects from me not taking them.

I do not think a termination is the solution here. As others have said you may do everything "by the book" on the next pregnancy and that baby could have some form of defect.

You just need to take care of yourself, try to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. Good luck OP and congratulations.

I'm medical and see lots of women in early stages of pregnancy. The vast majority have not started taking prenatal vitamins before they miss a period. Just start them now. The risks of neural tube defects are low - they just happen to be risks we know how to reduce. Many women also drink in the first few weeks before they know they're pregnant. You're overthinking this.

I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. The 6 weeks prior I had taken no vitamins, been to multiple bottomless brunches, eaten blue cheese and pate (was over Xmas period too, like you), had been on Xmas nights out etc...

I now have the most brilliant two year old Boy you're being daft x

No, don't worry! I had no idea I was pregnant until 5 weeks. I was smoking at the time, drank heavily on various occasions at festivals and concerts and hadn't taken any vitamins at all until the day i found out! Baby is doing just fine now 🙂

I am a midwife and can tell you that you are definitely being hard on yourself. I've seen many babies born healthy to mothers who haven't been aware that they're pregnant and had been drinking regularly for months. Just start taking folic acid now, no other vitamins necessary if you eat a balanced diet.

Wishing you a great pregnancy

Try not to panic or overthink. My pregnancy was a complete surprise and like you I found out in my 5th week. I hadn’t been taking any vitamin supplements up until then. I also had drank a bottle of wine on the weekend before I found out. Everything was good at my anomaly scan and there have been no complications so far.

You will more than likely be completely fine :)

@Fracshun you definitely don't need to worry! As everyone else has said, think about people in the past or in other countries who never supplemented with folate!? And how uncommon neural tube defects are! 5.5 weeks (really only 3.5) is so early, and I've heard that the baby doesn't start taking anything from you till 6 weeks approx anyway. I have a friend who was 9 weeks before she found out and she had been drinking a lot and was super worried but her 2 year old DD is absolutely fine and adorable. There are just SO many instances of this kind of thing and babies all being fine. Drinking and not taking folate in the early stages are definitely not reasons to terminate a pregnancy, imo,if you would otherwise want the baby.

We get folate through our diet too it's not solely from supplements, they just advise to supplement as a precaution. And I've read that if drinking in v early pregnancy it'll either cause a miscarriage or have absolutely no effect so you don't need to worry about birth defects at this early time if you've had a few Xmas drinks. So many women don't find out till week 5/6 or later.

I understand though, I'm currently 6+2 and I find everything to worry about under the sun! It's a difficult time but also a magical amazing one! Have faith, it's so early, your little bean is fine. If you want a support network PM me and il send you a link to one of the early pregnancy threads x

I got pregnant on a holiday, where we spent two weeks drinking and smoking, it was unplanned, I had even been at a party two days before I took a test having shots 🤦 no vitamins, and hadn't even heard of folate. Once I found out I took the required pregnancy vitamins and all was fine. So many people fall pregnant without planning to, please try not to worry, worth having a chat with a midwife at your doctor's for some reassurance