So scared - should I terminate?

[Fracshun]

Hi ladies - I have been searching the web (and crying) all day. I'm at my wits' end. I've just found out I'm pregnant, 5.5 weeks. It wasn't planned, but it wasn't unplanned either. I was stupidly very relaxed and que sera sera about falling pregnant - we want a baby, but thought we would just see if we were lucky enough to get one rather than charting and tracking and scheduling sex etc.

As such I wasn't very educated on what I needed to do. I have just been reading about neural tube defects and taking folate and now feel completely terrible. I wasn't taking any prenatal vitamins (have always been suss on multi-vitamins, and feel like so much of what is marketed to preg women is just a play on mother's guilt by unscrupulous corporations). But now I clearly understand that I should have been taking folate already (apparently the first month is the most critical) and feel like an utter twat and am so terrified that I have caused my baby to develop irreversible birth defects.

On top of that I was drinking over Christmas a load and just feel like utter sh*t about what kind of mum I am already to be honest. I am at the point where I feel a termination and trying again might be better than bearing a child who I have caused a life of difficulty for, but feel just as awful at the thought of losing her (him?).

Any advice or thoughts? I feel lost...

Thank you all so much for your replies. I think you're right, I am feeling shocked and very emotional.

I love this baby so much, and I didn't even know how much I wanted it until I found out it was there. I can hardly bear the thought of doing something wrong to it, but realise you're all talking sense and I am being a bit unhinged. I think I'll book in to go see the psych, I clearly need to manage my anxieties so that I can be as calm as possible for little one. I'm also going to the doctor in the coming days.

Thanks again everyone.

I had a friend Years ago who didn't find out she was pregnant until 6 months into the pregnancy. Never took any FA or anything and now has a perfectly healthy 10 year old son. Please don't stress I'm 9 weeks pregnant and most days I'm bringing my FA back up so now I've opted to try taking in the evenings.

Hun I think that the chance of having a baby without NTD if you take folic acid in very early PG is something like 99.98%. The chances if you haven't taken folic acid drops to about 99.95%. Statistically, it is hugely uncommon.

I think you are right - all the stuff that says you should take it is driven by pharma wanting to make a buck. Yes, there is research showing we can minimise risk, but look how small the risk is either way! I have had similar freak outs so have done reading too. Don't worry your little heart - you are going to be a top mum, and it sounds like a good idea to manage your anxiety, because the best thing you can give your bubba is a happy and relaxed you. x

Take a deep breath and enjoy your pregnancy. You have just had your first experience of what is a lifetime of worry about your DC!! Wishing you all the best.

I’m just going to echo everyone else. My first DD I did everything “wrong”at the beginning. Second DD everything right - folic acid etc for a year. She’s disabled (not neural tube defects though). So many things can go wrong whether you did or didn’t drink or take vitamins. And do many times it goes just perfectly! Unless you have other reasons for wanting to terminate, this isn’t one.
Remember, many millions of babies will have been conceived while mum was tipsy!

Didn’t take any vitamins or folic acid, went out got hammered (tequila/champagne/white wine), threw up for a few days after with the worlds most epic hangover. Turns out I was over 4 weeks pregnant at the time. After I found out I couldn’t keep the vitamins down as I felt so sick!! So my son didn’t benefit there either.

He is now 3 years old, v bright, v active, fluent in 2 languages, tall for his age 👍🏻

@Fracshun there's nothing wrong with you! Don't feel you have to see a psych necessarily, you're just dealing with a huge amount of information and a big change and it's very natural to get anxious. See your doctor, book in with the midwife, take your vitamins, get your bloods done. And continue with life knowing you have a little baby growing! I just don't want you to feel bad for freaking our or like something is wrong with you. You just need to do things that help you relax and feel more in control xx

Don't be so hard on yourself! How were you meant to know you were pregnant? I found out I was pregnant at nearly 8 weeks! ( somehow didn't have any symptoms until then! ) but like you, I was drinking, on funfair rides etc just days before I found out and now I'm almost 32 weeks with a healthy girl so honestly don't worry 😊 Good Luck!

Hi OP, Im in your position too, found out at 10 weeks, and had drank on about five occasions (including sisters wedding, friends 30th birthday and my housewarming!), and obviously didn't take vitamins til 10 weeks. Id also been in china and ate all sorts () and spent three days climbing a mountain.

So I completely understand your worries, I won't try and belittle them, I have even had fleeting thoughts like yours.

What's made me feel a lot better is when we were telling family/ friends - try and be open and talk about your worries.

My grandma and my nan each discovered one of their pregnancies very late (70s, families already complete, 'pill failure' babies!)

One aunty is a heart nurse, first in the family to go to university, very successful and put together, great family life, emotionally intelligent. She found out about her own first born at 7 weeks after 3 weeks travelling America and drinking lots of beer etc, he's 17 now and is such a lovely lad and thriving.

The other aunty I'm not as close to but she went to university, did teacher training, has a family etc.

I found people's stories on mumsnet of 'my baby's not here yet but' or 'my 8 month old is fine!' not very reassuring but these examples from a long time ago and much more extreme really made me feel a lot better.

My gran said during her pregnancy with my aunty that she didn't discover until 5 months she'd been craving and enjoying Babycham throughout!! 🤣