Does breastfeeding mean I won’t be able to leave the baby?

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I’m hoping to try EBF when my baby arrives, but am worried about how it will curtail my flexibility after the birth.

Will it mean that I have to be with the baby most of the time? Or will I be able to express milk so DH can do feeds if I’m away working for the day or the occasional weekend?

I’m also worried that EBF will mean DH will bond less with the baby if I’m doing all the feeds.

These questions probably sound silly to experienced mums but I’m new to all this and have no idea what I’m doing. Can anybody help?

Largely right at the start while you establish breastfeeding it will mean you need to be close by. But once you get into the swing of things you should be able to express and your DH do some feeds, providing all is going well.
How soon are you expecting to want to go to work/ away for the weekend? I ask because as your baby gets older feeds need to be less regular so if for example you were thinking of going at about 6 months for a work day then that would be easier than when baby is 3 weeks and cluster feeding.

In my experience at first it meant that I was always with my baby but I think that would have been the case even if I formula fed. Once she was a few weeks old I either expressed or DH gave her a bottle of formula. The only thing if you go away is that you have to pump enough before you go but also pump while you’re away. What kind of age are you thinking you’d go away tho as once they’re weaned they’ll stop feeding as much and it won’t be such an issue.
I think the main thing for dads bonding is to make sure they’re doing a lot of the other things for the baby so you could feed the baby then give them straight to your DH for winding and cuddles etc.

Thanks for the replies. I’m thinking I might take some days and a possible weekend away from about two months after the birth. Although that could completely go out of the window depending on how everything goes! I just want to be prepared for every eventuality. Do you think a mix of BF and formula feeding would work better than EBF in my situation?

For me it meant that I didn’t really spend any significant time apart from my babies in the first year or so (I went back to work at around 11 months both times which was the first time they were left all day). It’s wasn’t quite as you imagine - I didn’t actually want to be away from them (apart from the odd escape to the supermarket on my own which was amazing). You can express and some people do, but it can also be a bit of a faff and can mess with supply (feeding is a supply and demand thing on a slight lag, so pumping for the afternoon and then missing a feed later can mess with supply the following day(s) deepening on how sensitive your body is. Some people express on a strict Gina ford style routine but I found that a bit odd (pumping while DH gave the milk I pumped yestwrday. I didn’t really pump at all in the end, just figured I’d feed straight from the source. Once you get to solids there are plenty of options for food if needed. Mine wouldn’t take a bottle by that age and I remember having to go to and have a wisdom tooth pulled. When I came home baby had been munching on petits filous! You will work it out but it’s not always the bind you imagine. And it’s not mandatory to leave your baby at all until you want to

I'm convinced I got more rest overall breastfeeding. I co-slept and the baby helped themselves! My partner slept in the spare room. Meant no waking up fully in the middle of the night to warm up bottles and faff about. When you're breastfeeding you produce wonderful hormones that help you fall back to sleep more easily and the oxytocin is intoxicating. But, it can really hard too at times and can take a lot of practice to get the hang of the latching on at the start. There is so much support, take every bit you can get. Personally, I found not being flexible about using a bit of formula in the early days when I was having trouble (baby had tongue tie) kept me breastfeeding. Everything is your choice and you do what feels right, trust yourself xx

I breast fed my DS for 10 months. He is nearly 26 years so a lot of BF advice will be different now. I had to go back to work full time when he was 10 weeks old (maternity leave was different then) and I expressed and the nursery gave him it in a bottle. It was hard work but i managed it. I'd had an emergency C section, we were both touch and go and breast feeding was the one thing i felt good at after a traumatic birth.

I think it's easier to breastfeed than sterilise bottles and have to plan bottles and the majority of babies thrive better with BF but you've gotto do what's right for you and your baby. I know some mum's that BF their babies into the toddler stage and that wouldn't have been right for me.

I did try to go to the shops when my DS was a few weeks old, I left him with his dad and suddenly breasts filled. I phoned home (from a phone no-no mobiles then 😂) and he was screaming the house down! So you need to stay close when they are tiny but you'll soon get a pattern going and be able to get a bit of time to yourself. You can always do a bit of breast and bottle.

I loved BF, it was a lovely peaceful time spent doing something with my baby that no one else could do for him. Enjoy being a mum OP and listen to your instinct.

It really depends how well it's going and when you want to be going out! Certainly for the first weeks it would be very difficult to be away from the baby because feeding on demand means literally that! And they do demand very often. Obviously women in the US return to work very early (eg six weeks) and pump, but that means they're pumping several times during the day as well as feeding through the night.

It also depends whether the time you want to be at work is something like 4-5 hours, or 10 hours as that'll make quite a difference!

It's sensible to be prepared to be flexible. I was planning to EBF and thought I'd merrily express some milk so DH could give bottles whilst I went out. What actually happened was my milk was severely delayed by medical conditions/difficult birth so I ended up combi-feeding, which I hadn't even realised was a possibility in advance! Never really got on with expressing so I gave up with that. I found combi-feeding was brilliantly convenient and flexible (after 12 weeks I BF 3-4 times a day) and worked very well for our family. I breastfed for 3.5 years in the end.

*I found being flexible.

To begin with you will need to be with her almost all the time, although you probably would be anyway as I assume you wont be going away for a weekend without a newborn.

After a few weeks you can introduce a bottle of expressed milk for your partner to give her when you're away. If you want to do this regularly, it is probably worth investing in a good breast pump.

Your DH will still be able to bond with the baby - feeding isnt everything. He can bond with her by doing bath time, nappy changes, play time and cuddles.

Ask around and see if there is a breastfeeding support group anywhere local to you. The advice you can find there is invaluable for a first time breastfeeding mum.

It depends on you and your baby.

DC1 : I expressed daily which dh fed dc. I went out for the first time when he was 8 months old. When I got home, he wasn't a happy baby and hadn't coped well with me being away.

DC2 : no time to express and was not consistently offered a bottle, therefore he refused anything but the breast from me. I went out every month without fail, I didn't go far but I went out for a few hours regularly.

I found being consistent helped and managing expectations, dc1 wasn't used to me going out. Dc2 wasn't used to having a bottle but would settle between feeds mostly and therefore a meal with friends locally was possible

Good luck I hope this helps!

It also varies whether you'll want to be away from your baby. Some mums can't bear to be apart whereas I was desperate for some time away from mine and needed some 'time off' each week. You may not know which you are until your baby is here though (I'd thought I wouldn't be able to bear to be away from mine in advance!)

I was able to express loads and did so from early on. It meant I had a stock in the freezer and DCs got used to a bottle now and then. It isn't as convenient as popping them on the boob obviously, but then neither is making up formula. Depends on your supply I guess.

good advice from others - see what works for you, but try to remember that the early weeks/ months are 'the longest shortest time' as they say. Its bloody hard to have any perspective when you are feeding on demand, being woken up over and over again and you feel like your old life of freedom and independence is a distant memory.... But in the end, its not actually a long time that you really are tied to being with the baby 24/7, even if it feels like it at the time! Personally, I did combi-feeding with no 1 and expressing with both after a few months, and it worked out fine.

Why might you need to be away only two months after the birth? To be honest, at that stage I think it would be difficult even if you were formula feeding.

Some women can produce huge quantities of milk via a pump and others can barely produce any. Some babies struggle to latch at the breast, others refuse bottles even when you’ve tried ten types of teat. Some mums don’t want to be away from their babies at all, others need a regular break... none of things are knowable in advance sadly. I’m a planner and motherhood has beaten that out of me - I don’t think even one aspect of being a mother has been as I expected it, but we don’t have a typical situation.

I wanted to EBF my twins but they were born by EMCS and fed by tube, small preemies who struggled to latch at all when we could try. I pumped from the outset and when they wouldn’t latch I kept pumping two hourly until they were 7 months and they still had to be supplemented as my supply crashed after prolonged hospital stays for one of the twins.

If I could go back I’d try to have a much more flexible mindset about all of it. I should have accepted that bfing wasn’t going to happen and quit pumping sooner. Looking back it wasn’t the right thing to keep going but it felt so important at the time.

Do what’s best for your baby and for you and take it as it comes. Definitely don’t plan any trips away until your baby is here and you’re settled and know how things are going and how you’re feeling. I’d be surprised if you felt up to a trip away at two months old, but some mums are.

I think it’s a mistake to assume that bottle feeding would mean you would be able to spend more time away from the baby. Ok practically it might be easier to do so, but the baby will still want the same things from your presence and may not cope with long periods separated from you for a while.

And no, breastfeeding did not stop my husband bonding with our son, because he put in the effort to do things other than feeding (I had a bottle refuser so even expressing wasn’t an option) in the early stages and the things they could do together naturally developed as time went on

No one can answer this op, I'm sorry. Your ability to express and how much, is not something that can be predicted. Everyone is different.

Yes it can mean you're tied to your baby, doing all the night feeds etc. No way round that fact.

I found mixed feeding worked very well, I did try just to EBF but found it hard work so my DS had FF once a day, it meant it was easier to leave him with DH and personally, and I know everyone is different, I did need time away on my own. There is not always a huge amount of info on mixed feeding but it can work well.
And all babies are different, I left my DS with my DM when he was 10 days old, at that point he was only having breast milk. I was just ten minutes away so could easily get home if needed (I wasn't ).

I bf my DS until he was 18mo. The last 6months he only bf at night. Sorry to say I had no nights out or long trips by myself in that time as I just wasn't able to express enough. Babies are so much more efficient at getting milk out! I did have trips to shops etc maybe when he was 6months plus but was never away for more than 2hours or so just in case (he bf on demand). Boobs would fill and leak and he would end up stressed or out of sync I. E may refuse naps etc. I hope you have better luck OP

Hi OP, have you looked in to combination feeding? I am expecting twins and have been given information on this; a mix of direct BFing with expressed milk or formula from a bottle. I’ve been looking in to it as I’ll have two mouths to feed so really want DH to be able to help as much as he can.
My babies aren’t here yet so I’ve no personal experience of it but it’s an option I’ve been reading up on that sounds like, if it works, will be wonderful for me and our living situation! As other PPs have said though don’t count your chickens - my niece was a complete bottle refuser and would only BF until she was 12 months old. Maybe look in to your local BFing support groups also so you’re aware of where they are for help when baby arrives?
Good luck!

Hi OP,

I’m like you - I want to exclusively BF for at least 6 months but I’ll be going back to work after about 16 weeks (I work from home mostly so can’t do this flexibly but will have to go out to the odd meeting and leave baby with family and therefore express). I also have a couple of weddings about 3 months after due date where baby will be left with family so again I need to express for that. My current plan is to BF for first 3 months at source but express where possible to get a supply in the freezer although I’m worried baby might not take bottle if I wait until 4 months to use it so I might try using the expressed stuff through the bottle a few times in the first 3 months so it’s not completely new when I introduce it later on. I’ll be speaking to a BF expert though to get advice and tips xx

*so can do this flexibly

I wish there were more information on combination feeding because I think a lot more women would start breastfeeding if they had proper guidance on this. The all or nothing approach can feel very daunting in the beginning, even if you then adapt to it.

Anecdotally there seems to be a window where starting bottle feeding won’t affect your supply and where the baby is more likely to take a bottle but there’s just so little information.

@hjbows88 that sounds sensible - thanks!

Your DP can bond in other ways - bath times abd nappy changes for example