I’m doing a bad job of this...

[Legomanships]

It’s my first pregnancy and we found out at the first scan that we’re having twins.

I feel increasingly like I’m doing a really bad job being pregnant, and spend a lot of time being scolded by H, MIL, Mum for whatever I happen to be doing.

We are 17 weeks and I’ve had quite bad nausea and vomiting since about 5 weeks...so have only put on a couple of lbs.

I work in a competitive industry which is dominated by men and feel like even though work are “supportive” the expectations are the same, come in early, stay late, take work home. This is a constant source of annoyance to my H. Especially as I’m carrying a laptop and heavy files to and from work.

Today I painted the spare room, which will be the nursery, and H sent his mum a photo and she’s text me to say it looks lovely but I shouldn’t be risking the babies.

I just feel rubbish. The whole experience is wiping me out and I’m usually very active and like to get stuff done. Obviously my H could have done the painting...I just find it hard to surrender.

Feel stupid now that I’ve done something idiotic just because I felt like I could.

Your family should be more supportive, yes your pregnant but that doesn't mean you can't work. If you felt up to it then what's the harm.
Don't beat yourself up about it, women have children all the time and have busy jobs and their babies are fine, your doing great and your best xx

I don’t think they’re trying to be unsupportive...I just feel like I’m making a mess of it all all the time. Every time I move my H asks if I’m ok...every time I try and hoover he takes over. Probably not something to complain about, but I feel a bit like my identity is being sucked out of me and I’m just an incubator for the grandchildren 😳

I wouldn’t do anything I thought was risky, but maybe my judgement is just a bit off

Your MIL is an idiot. Painting a room won’t risk the babies

You’re doing a phenomenal job of being pregnant, working full time and everything else. Try not to give yourself a hard time

Ask your H to help but don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.

PS pregnancy makes you tired. I once cried when I only got halfway through loading the dishwasher and had to sit down

Thanks for the support! I was careful not to stretch loads and stood on a proper platform, and was quite pleased with my efforts until I got scolded!!

I actually found staying active really helped me in my pregnancy! Definitely important to listen to your body more, because there will come a time when it tells you to (and physically makes you) slow down, but staying normal as far as possible helped me both mentally and physically. That has to be good for baby, right?

I’m probably a bit sensitive (hormonal) so taking it all to heart. I spend a good few weeks coming home from work and just falling asleep wherever I plunked myself, the tiredness has greatly improved, just the sickness still persisting.

I was the same during my twin pregnancy. I hated all the concern, (which I know was just because I’m loved and cared for!) but I felt as though people thought I’d magically become an idiot and was suddenly incapable of making decisions regarding our safety.

Whilst I lugged stuff about, worked as much as I was able to, and did a whole bunch of decorating, I did avoid the hoovering “because it was too heavy” 🤣

It’s ok to not enjoy pregnancy - I didn’t know this and felt like a freak. I’d suggest telling people that you’ll ask for help when you need it, and carry on doing what you want whilst you’re able to.

Congrats on your pregnancy, twins are fab!

Sounds like they are just worried about you. It's exhausting being pregnant but you are carrying 2 so I imagine that's even harder!
Don't feel like you have to do everything at home, let them take some of the load of you so if you are busy at work then at least at home you can't have some rest/relaxation x

You should have seen the state of me at 41 weeks, glossing the skirting boards everywhere for something to do and couldn’t get off my hands and knees DH laughed, the bastard.

Your body will tell you if you're doing too much. You are not risking the babies in any way!

It's best to keep active. You'll feel better for it and more human! You're not just a walking uterus.

I painted DD1s nursery when I was over 30 weeks, including woodwork. I'm sure you are fine and know your own limits.

With regards to work, if you are still feeling up to it then carry on as your are. Again you will know when it's time to slow down.

I agree it’s all because they love me and care, but it’s so refreshing to hear other people have had the same feelings...feel a bit less guilty about it all.

Also good to hear someone say twins are fab instead of telling me my life is doomed!! 😂

Sounds like you're doing a great job! Your husband doesn't know what it's like to be pregnant so he's being over protective but you know your body and what's right for you. Your instincts would tell you if you were putting your babies at risk so do what you feel is right. I went to the gym and tried to jog throughout my pregnancy and did so with my Midwife's encouragement! Even though my mum and MIL constantly told me off for it! I painted the babies room too and just ignored their scowling 😂

And congratulations on being pregnant with twins! It was always my dream! So amazing! xXx

I’m excited...but also feel like there’s a strange waiting period, we wait for the magic 12 weeks and now I’m sort of a bit like...what am I supposed to be doing...oh...I’ll paint this room?! 😂 Seems like there isn’t much forward planning, and the news of 2 just sort of panicked me a bit to be honest, but now I’m more used to it all...possibly.

Women are stronger than people make us out to be. Obviously take care of yourself and know your limitations but people are going to BOMB you with advice and crap like this all the time. My biggest challenge was learning not to snap at them xD

None of the activities you describe would even remotely "risk the babies". Some people don't have a good grasp of anatomy and seem to think the baby can fall out (?) if you lift a few papers. If only it was that easy to get the baby out! Labour would be a lot quicker for sure, and the delivery suite would be just equipped with small stacks of paper.

In fact it's healthier for the babies if you keep active doing your normal activities.

It's annoying when people say that though, I got it all the time even with just a singleton pregnancy. I just brushed it off but told the worst culprits to google photos of pregnancy athletes, especially weight lifters. Now they are impressive!

Literally going to go google pregnant weight lifters!!

Your doing a great job, if your not at risk or doctor hasn’t advised don’t worry.

I was painting my sons room at 8 months pregnant Was working 10/ 11 hour days and an additional commute of an hour each way ( made longer by pulling over due to vomiting ) and I am a geriatric mother ( 36 years ) not particularly fit by any imagination.

And my bub came out fine ( only 1 though two I am sure is much harder )

That being said I pushed through all pregnancy symptoms/ ran around at work and ignored the bad hips and back I had and how ill I felt and i was miserable, but I don’t do going sick and I carried that I will be fine mentality .
I really should have in retrospect taken better care of me. My body was always going to look after my son but I needed to look after my body.
I was exhausted in pregnancy and although it’s not the same type of exhaustion I am still shattered now ( though I don’t feel sick 😊)
I imagine it’s more concern for you and perhaps them worrying you are not looking after you but it’s easier to express concern for the babies ( emotional blackmail to
Make you listen )

But if you feel good while your doing it then honestly do what is right for you but don’t push though too hard if the pregnancy ‘it’s knocking you sideways because you matter too

If this helps my sister worked 60 hours a week until 37 weeks and dug a while veg patch and painted a whole house while pregnant. She was fine.
But I wasn't and was very ill in pregnancy and couldn't walk from 30 weeks really due to hip problems.
Best advice is listen to your body and take your ques form how you feel x
Congrats on pregnancy

I would just do whatever you feel up to and try not to worry about what other people say. Easier said than done I know.
I painted the bedroom and the hallway over a few weeks when I was about 30-36 weeks pregnant. As well as working and having a crazy energetic dog to look after. If you feel ok doing it, then as long as you take it steady I'm sure you will be fine.

I am currently 32+5 with twins and i have been treated the same throughout my pregnancy. I just told everyone that whilst I appreciate the support I will let them know when I need help, and I did get to 28weeks and had to start to slow down. Now I have sciatica and struggle with the smallest tasks so have had to accept the help - my husband has to help me put shoes on!

I have only gained 13lbs my whole pregnancy due to severe sickness at the start. Your babies will be getting everything they need.

You are doing a great job as growing twins is hard on your body..just listen to your body and you will know what you can and cant do.

Thanks so much for all the kind words. It’s so good to hear from people going through the same things. I think part of the problem with being a first time is I really don’t know what is and isn’t normal!

If you haven’t already, I’d definitely recommend asking your midwife / googling if there’s a twin group in your area. I’m lucky that there is one round my way, it’s been a fab support and I love being around other parents that just get the twin thing!

In my limited experience (one set, no other kids) they were nowhere near as awful as newborns as people made out they’d be. Toddler twins however, are keeping me on my toes...!

I lost weight at first and a trainee midwife commented that she thought I would be bigger.
I panicked but my consultant was cheerfully dismissive of this view, explaining that dc are parasites who strip out what they need from your reserves and people usually put far too much weight during pregnancy.
I went on maternity leave at 34 weeks, DH was annoyed when he came home and I was up a ladder with a power drill hanging a new mirror.
I also painted all the hallway and skirting boards (god knows why looking back!)
Anyway you are perfectly normal and doing great.
Looking back I will say that I maybe should have chilled more, twins are fairly full on when they do arrive.