I’m doing a bad job of this...

[Legomanships]

It’s my first pregnancy and we found out at the first scan that we’re having twins.

I feel increasingly like I’m doing a really bad job being pregnant, and spend a lot of time being scolded by H, MIL, Mum for whatever I happen to be doing.

We are 17 weeks and I’ve had quite bad nausea and vomiting since about 5 weeks...so have only put on a couple of lbs.

I work in a competitive industry which is dominated by men and feel like even though work are “supportive” the expectations are the same, come in early, stay late, take work home. This is a constant source of annoyance to my H. Especially as I’m carrying a laptop and heavy files to and from work.

Today I painted the spare room, which will be the nursery, and H sent his mum a photo and she’s text me to say it looks lovely but I shouldn’t be risking the babies.

I just feel rubbish. The whole experience is wiping me out and I’m usually very active and like to get stuff done. Obviously my H could have done the painting...I just find it hard to surrender.

Feel stupid now that I’ve done something idiotic just because I felt like I could.

I’d agree with all the comments others have made.

I also wanted to pick up on your comment about losing your identity and work. I work in a male dominated, long hours, demanding industry too. I’ve worked hard to be successful and am proud of what I’ve achieved. I’m now 29 weeks with my first. I’ve had days where I feel invincible and determined to be a great mother and continue my career, and others when I wonder if I’ll be able to manage my job post-pregnancy at all. And plenty of times I’ve been irritated by thoughtless comments from people that either devalue what I’ve achieved professionally or make assumptions about how motherhood and career should fit together.
I don’t have answers yet on how I’ll do things once baby arrives. I don’t want to lose who I am, but equally want to be a good mother (whatever that means). And there is no “right” answer.
What you are feeling is natural and other women feel the same.
You sound like a strong, capable, accomplished woman who is going to be a great Mother. It’s just going to take a bit of work to figure out what that means. And in the meantime, as others have said, be kind to yourself.

Twin pg is totally different to Singleton (I've done both). Be very very careful. This risks aren't much higher to you as well as the babies. You want to get to 37 weeks or more if you can- it's not worth the risk.

*are much higher

You're not doing a bad job of it, pregnancy is HARD slog and mine have been singles rather than twin!

As a fellow professional working in a male dominated industry, currently 32weeks with no2, you really really need to draw the line with work. I spent my first pregnancy literally killing myself with early starts, late finishes, pushing deadlines and it's got me nowhere. Promotion is explained away but I know it was down to maternity, doors are closed for me because I wasn't prepared to compromise my personal time to work constantly.

This time I'm pregnant following two miscarriages which both happened at a time when I was very stressed with work and I've said enough is enough. Go in, do your work, come home. Either work from home on laptop or leave it in the office at the end of the day - don't bring work home with you - there is no reward for flogging yourself. Xx

Congratulations on your news. My twins are now 23 and looking back I would say you are going to have a fantastic experience.

I worked far too hard in my job when I was pregnant and then after I had them I really couldn't remember why it had all seemed so important at the time.

Of course every baby is special but having twins is double the fun, love, laughter and achievement - especially when they are in bed at the end of the day!

I also found that I worried far less than friends with singletons as I was so immersed the fun and chaos that I didn't have time to dwell on things that really weren't worth worrying about.

I know it's not very PC to admit it but when I went back to work I took a much less demanding part time job (with very little responsibility) and loved being able to put them first without feeling a department was going to crash without me.

If I could do it all again I soooo would!

Dug up a Christmas tree and lugged it home on bike trailer at 31 weeks. All fine. I agree with pps pay attention to your body and not so much to the overly concerned. People who say these things have rarely looked at any of the research on risks in pregnancy!
(having said that I expect twins are a bit different for risks - but that's your judgement call to make not theirs)

But if I were you I would share how I was feeling with my husband. I'd say: thank you for being lovely and trying to look out for me but please let me do things I feel ok doing because otherwise it makes me feel like I am doing things wrong when I am not.

And well done for painting the nurse, bet it looks great :1)

Argh! I'll try that one again. Well done for painting the nursery , bet it looks great :-)

How can anyone do a bad job of being pregnant? If you feel fine and want to do things, you should do them.
I was still pushing a huge heavy trolley at work when I was 30 weeks.
Do let your oh vacuum clean, though.