Struggling not to drink while pregnant

[plumpudding32]

I used to be a big drinker and would get through one bottle of wine on most days, consuming about 60-70 units per week. It was bad for my health (mental and physical) and for my wallet, and I’d half-heartedly tried to cut down on numerous occasions but never really did.

Earlier this year I fell pregnant with my first. I was five weeks when I found out and and haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. I’m now 22 weeks so have been completely sober for almost four months - the longest I’ve gone without a drink since I was 17.

Mostly I’ve been fine with not drinking, but I’ve really struggled on certain occasions - particularly going to restaurants, when I really miss a glass of wine or two with my meal. Over Christmas I’ve stayed with family and again have found it hard not to drink while others have been getting merry on the prosecco and wine. I just feel really flat and miserable when I can’t join in.

I’m determined to stay strong and won’t touch any alcohol for the duration of my pregnancy. I don’t doubt that I can do it, but I’m finding it such an almighty struggle and just really hard.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is really - I just needed somewhere to vent.

You have done amazingly well on quitting during your pregnancy, I’d like to add my congratulations.

As well as the health benefit to you and baby, you have now proved to yourself that your addiction is psychological and not physiological. This is very helpful and you know where to focus.

And also to agree with the PP who say to take this chance to address your problematic drinking . It’s not as simple as resetting your tolerance, it’s what’s behind your attitudes to alcohol that needs work.

I promise you, you won’t have the time or physical and emotional energy to do therapeutic work when you have a tiny baby. And for every new mum who went off drink, there’s another who felt she really DESERVED a “ treat “ after a busy day to “ relax “. Gin O’Clock and all that.

Imogen you are so right. I hate 'Hurrah for Gin' with a passion. It keeps over drinking socially acceptable.

So much admiration for you op. Well done for stopping, well done for recognising triggers and well done for admitting it, even if it is only on here! None of these are easy. I probably (read definitely) drank too much before ttc. On falling pregnant stopped altogether, im currently breastfeeding and personally not at all comfortable drinking while feeding. I can tell you it's so worth it. FASD is the only prevalent learning disability we know exactly how to stop happening, i know a few people with FASD and it's just not bloody fair for them, although i understand it's not simple for everyone to stop even for baby. We have so much information available online and through NHS now that you should be able to get support, even if it's just telling midwife you wanted a drink at Christmas but managed to abstain. You've done so well I'm honestly really impressed you've made such a lifestyle change for your baby and yourself. A bit of extra support from midwife wouldn't hurt though and might help keep you so strong to resist.

No advice sorry but I'm exactly the same. It's bloody hard especially this time of year. All I wanted was a g&t Christmas Day, but like you I don't. Will all be worth it when the baby comes-keep going!x

Well done, you've made it through the hardest time of the year for not drinking. It'll be easier in Jan and Feb when everyone is broke and staying in. I used to have plain tonic in a glass with ice and lemon, or cranberry juice and tonic which almost feels like a cocktail. Keep at it.

You’ve done really well! Keep going. I drank like you but found that pregnancy ‘reset’ me and afterward with a newborn I didn’t want to drink as was too tired and I co slept so stayed completely sober. However, a pp is right as once the new born bit is over it’s nice to have wine in the evenings as you can’t go out as much. Wine signals the end of the ‘childcare’ part of the day and the start of ‘adult time’. But, That was slippery for me and when my little ones were 2 ish I drank heavily in the evenings to relax. Better now, but motherhood can be lonely and if you like a drink that’s dangerous ...

Freixenet do a 0% alcohol one that's quite nice.

Best of luck OP - you're doing really well.

Just remember that the festive season is almost over, so other people will start drinking less within a week. That might remove some of the social temptation.

You HAVE done amazingly well in stopping drinking and staying off alcohol so far.

Unfortunately I think a lot of the well meaning posts suggesting non-alcoholic versions of drinks are likely to be either from people with no experience of problem drinking or who have unhealthy relationships with alcohol themselves.

In my personal experience (family full of addicts inc 5 with predominantly alcohol addiction) and as an ex nurse I am of the opinion that if you have a problem with alcohol you're better off not only not drinking alcohol but not drinking alcohol free (and they're usually not completely alcohol free either - which can cause issues with a physical addictive response) "fake" drinks either.

It's too tempting when you trigger the memories with a taste of something similar I think it would make it harder not easier for you.

Please confide in your midwife - they will have experience with this it's very very common and they need to know anyway as it informs your healthcare.

You need support to continue to stay off the alcohol, I would say permanently as drinking as much as you were (are you even being completely honest with us? Yourself? Is it possible you were underestimating?) strongly suggests you are dependent.

Luckily apparently not physically as you were able to stop without ill effects - as have all the addicts in my family, didn't mean they weren't addicted.

Everyone I've ever come across who has a problem with alcohol and tried to return to drinking moderately has been unable to do so.

The ones that have succeeded in controlling their addiction are the ones that have stayed off altogether.

But the ones that have succeeded also had support from others - hcps, community groups, church groups, personal therapy...

Some also did LOTS of reading on the subject there are loads of books and articles but make sure the source is well researched and reliable.

Everyone has their own thing that works for them.

I wish you SO much luck with your pregnancy you're clearly so looking forward to being a mum which is lovely.

And very good luck with continuing sobriety too.

@plumpudding32 I think @Graphista has made an excellent reply. Reading your original post you do sound like their is an addiction there so you have done amazingly well to stop bevause you're pregnant.
This needs to be the thing that keeps you going, you wouldn't give a new born alcohol so don't whilst you're pregnant.
I say this as a mom of an (adopted) child with fasd. He has massive issues (behavioural, short term memory and physically) due to birth mom not being able to stop. You ahbe taken such a massive step already and shoukd be SO proud of yourself.
I can see it from the other side too as when I was pregnant with my daughter you realise how sociable drinking surrounds you.
I think you should talk to your midwife because when lo is born and your tired and emotional it might be easy to reach for the alcohol and you need support to help you not go back to that place.
You should eb so proud of your self. Congratulations on your little one too x x x

Can i just add that herbal teas are great. They are not sweet but have a flavour that can vary from fennel to beetroot.
And yes you are doing brilliant.

Are some of these posts potentially a little alarmist? The OP has said she felt she drank too much alcohol previously and has entirely given up. Many people on this forum and other pregnant women I know, find it difficult to give up alcohol during pregnant, not because they are dependent on it or an alocholic but because they enjoy it. For what its worth, I am really missing wine, high salt foods and my 3 coffee a day habit, none of these items am I dependent on (Maybe the coffee).

Alarmist? The OP said they drink up to 10 units a day. It’s not a case of looking for non alcoholic alternatives. That’s a serious habit.

Ugh non alcoholic white wine sucks so I get how you feel. You've done very well for not drinking so far so well done! I think you're just going to have to suck it up big time until baby is born. Simple as that. Howeverrrrrrrr, and I hope I don't get absolutely crucified for saying this, I know quite a few mums (especially my friends mothers) who have been honest about how they enjoyed very filtered down alcoholic drinks once in a while while they were pregnant and went on to have perfectly healthy babies. I really believe in everything in moderation so maybe do that. I watched Broken on Netflix the other day, the vaping episode, and was surprised to see how a lot of gps advise pregnant mothers to quit smoking by resorting to vaping (even though vaping is bloody terrible). You went from drinking quite a lot daily to absolutely nothing... going cold turkey must be a shock to the system! Anyway good luck girl

You are doing so well OP, must be the pregnancy hormones but I welled up at your OP. Gosh there are so many strong amazing women on MN 💛 keep doing what you're doing, don't panic about after the birth, just take it a day at a time xx

To all those who’ve left such lovely posts - being surrounded by people drinking over Christmas has been particularly challenging on my willpower, but reading your words of encouragement has given me a massive boost just when I needed it. Thank you thank you thank you!

Such a great update. Hold onto that boost and make it work for you, you've done so well so far.

It must be incredibly hard I can't even imagine.

Have you things you can do to distract yourself in those situations?

I feel your pain OP! I was surrounded by family guzzling wine and beer all throughout Christmas. Took myself off to bed at 10pm each night in a preggo grump to avoid the bit where they were all tipsy and talking shite!

I have no advice - but serious admiration for you! You are doing so well. Do you feel better for it? When I am craving a cold glass of wine I think about how brilliant it is to not feel hungover anymore. I feel much better in myself, and that keeps me going!

Good luck to you 😊

I would echo Graohita's words - what you have described is a serious drinking problem and you have done incredibly well to stay off try booze this long on willpower alone. Hats off to you!

But I also think you need to be honest about how serious your drinking was, and that it may be very difficult to stay on top of your drinking during the postnatal period, which may put incredible pressures on you.

I wasn't a drinker but I had some very bad food habits pre-pregnancy. I managed to eat like a saint during my pregnancy but after my daughter was born slipped into bad habits and got worse. Exhaustion, stress, hormones all collided and I was soon scoffing giant toblerones in one sitting.

Alcohol is obvs different but the point is that we are often at our most vulnerable in the weeks and months immediately after giving birth.

Speak to your midwife (and partner?) now to make sure you get the support you'll need.