Struggling not to drink while pregnant

[plumpudding32]

I used to be a big drinker and would get through one bottle of wine on most days, consuming about 60-70 units per week. It was bad for my health (mental and physical) and for my wallet, and I’d half-heartedly tried to cut down on numerous occasions but never really did.

Earlier this year I fell pregnant with my first. I was five weeks when I found out and and haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. I’m now 22 weeks so have been completely sober for almost four months - the longest I’ve gone without a drink since I was 17.

Mostly I’ve been fine with not drinking, but I’ve really struggled on certain occasions - particularly going to restaurants, when I really miss a glass of wine or two with my meal. Over Christmas I’ve stayed with family and again have found it hard not to drink while others have been getting merry on the prosecco and wine. I just feel really flat and miserable when I can’t join in.

I’m determined to stay strong and won’t touch any alcohol for the duration of my pregnancy. I don’t doubt that I can do it, but I’m finding it such an almighty struggle and just really hard.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is really - I just needed somewhere to vent.

Thanks @PixieN!

You’ll probably get some judgemental responses because Mumset can be quite pious about alcohol and pregnancy but I really admire your honesty. I found I was too knackered to drink much after my son was born!

I too have missed drinking. I have barely seen my friends since being pregnant (38 weeks now) but that's because I just don't feel like I want to socialise all that much without my boozy crutch.

Personally , I haven't bothered with alcohol-free versions of my favourite drinks because it's the effect rather than the taste that I'm missing! Over Christmas, I enjoyed a lot of tasty alcohol-free drinks such as Appletizer, Cucumber & Mint Presse, and some rather exotic juices. A froend also bought me a mocktails book, although I've not really used it a great deal.

I totally get your problem. I really miss the wine with dinner too. I've started doing a non-alcoholic white with sparkling water in a wine glass, which lets me feel like I'm participating in the ritual. After a while of not drinking I think it's more psychological than actual craving. The other thing I've been doing is keeping a sober journal. I've got a nice one called Sober Starts Today that I write in every day. It's got lots of positive ideas and interesting information and some great non-alcoholic drinks ideas. For me it's a big help in keeping on track and feeling positive.

Well done for not drinking so far. Probably not going to be a popular post but have you read into the evidence behind alcohol and pregnancy? There is a brilliant book called ‘expecting better’ which explains the research but basically there is no evidence of harm from 1-2 units a week which would mean you could have a small glass on a special occasion.
I found that by giving myself permission to have a small glass if I really wanted it meant that I never really did. When I told myself I couldn’t a glass of wine is all I could think about.

Tesco do a non alcoholic rose prosecco that has saved me this Christmas (23+6), I’d go as far to say that it’s as good as the real stuff and drinking it out a proper flute feels much more adult like rather than a coke etc. Like you it’s the glass of wine in the evening or with meals i miss rather than the night in the pub...but totally worth it!

I think I’d be totally fine if I didn’t leave the house until the baby’s born - but sadly that’s not realistic!

You need to be honest with your midwife. You can’t go back to drinking a bottle a night when your baby is born. If you can’t cut down then you will have to seek help to stop.

If you can’t cut down then you will have to seek help to stop.

Well, if you read my OP you’ll see I have cut down...

60-70 units per week was a lot. Its about a bottle of wine per day or a bottle of gin a week. That's very high.

If you're really struggling now without a drink, have you reflected on whether you're actually reliant on alcohol?

Maybe one to consider.

No. You’ve stopped because you’re pregnant. But you won’t stay that way forever and can’t go on drinking like you were.

Have you tried non alcoholic wines/bubbly do you can join in

I would seek some therapy now. My mother was like you and her drinking got much worse once I was out. It was a bit grim in my childhood and ultimately killed her. There’s no such thing as a cured alcoholic, it’s a life long management of symptoms. It’s great that you are sober now, I would use the opportunity to develop coping mechanisms for after you give birth.

@cornishporsche and @Bonnieconnie
That was a rather judgmental post. If you read Annie Grace which incidentally is very well researched and referenced, alot of the current myths are debunked.
bonnie I am sorry you had such a bad experience. The idea that an Alcoholic has an incurable illness is pretty much not the modern thinking. It is not the person but the addictive nature of alcohol and advertising and society. Yes it affects some people more than others, and yes for some abstention is much better than the harder work of moderation. As she writes, we dont label heroin addicts heroinics, we talk about addiction to the product. When the addiction has reached physical dependency it has to be treated medically and you cannot just stop. Op has stopped so the addiction is psychological and therefore all the triggers can be worked on. Lets not label her, give her the strength and resources to attack it. She will be able to do it with the right support. There is lots around now, Club Soda et al

I suspect you may find you have reset your drinking, when it comes to it.

We are all different, so of course I don’t know how you’ll react. But, I had a similar experience brought on by having to recover from major surgery for about 6-9 months where I absolutely had to stop drinking for a while. That enforced time ‘off’ really gave me a chance to think about why, when and how much I was drinking - and also meant I had to try out lots of social situations without drink. Most of which it turns out are fine, although of course there were some that felt hard (definitely the first time!) Overall, I drank considerably less afterwards and was really pleased to have been forced to change my ways. I didn’t drink as much/often as you say you did, but I was binge drinking most weekends.

I had kids a few years later on, and over time I have formed new patterns of healthier drinking. I think that’s the key thing to look out for. You won’t drink like you did, but you might start drinking at other times/places and so watch out for that. Especially as even cutting your drinking in half would mean you are still drinking a lot.

We had a Lindemanns non alcoholic red over Christmas, not amazing but might do the trick?!

I can empathise with what you say. I found it very very difficult. Im now 31Weeks and its getting easier, maybe time is working its magic?

On a different note my husband has a company that makes non alcoholic drinks. If you want I can DM you some links and names, there might be something in there that helps and that you havent tried xx

I also went from around 5 bottles of wine a week into pregnancy and did struggle. Mind you I had my pregnancies around Yr 2000 and in those days you could still have up to 4 small glasses of wine a week, so I did and all was fine.

Afterwards with a new baby it had somehow "reset the clock" and my desire to drink so much had waned a lot. I still drink a lot more than i should, (I'm sitting here now with a glass of champagne) but my sister was a proper alcoholic who died 4 years a go from it, so I absolutely know I am a big drinker and not an alcoholic.

@NoMorePoliticsPlease all I suggested was that the OP reflect on the issue. My father is an alcoholic who goes through phases of nothing at all for weeks, then a bottle of gin a night without batting an eyelid. On Xmas Day I measured one of his gins - he'd poured nearly 200ml of gin into his glass and saw nothing wrong with this.

I know what you mean, I miss the social side of having a glass when everyone else is especially at Christmas, but hopefully the hard part is done, once New Years is out of the way! Loads of people do
dry January and then you'll almost be on the home stretch! Imagine being pregnant with a hangover too, that in itself is enough to put me off 😂

Can I recommend a book to you? Its called Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck. It should help you with stopping during your pregnancy and might even change your relationship with alcohol for the better. I struggled too when I was pregnant. I didn't drink but boy was I miserable about it.
After giving birth I didn't drink much because being responsible for a newborn didn't allow for it but as my children got older I drank much more
That book helped me knock it on the head and I don't miss it.

I gave up drink some time ago and it took a while to adjust socially as you do just associate a summer bbq with pims or gin, or whatever. I'm beyond that now but things that helped are using the right glass for the occassion. So fake beer in a beer glass, seedlip in a high ball, fizzy apple juice in a champagne glass. The only thing i still miss is a glass of red - oddly the closest match for me is water in a wine glass.

It is really really hard and you have done amazingly well so far.
Obviously you dont intend to jump straight off the wagon when baby arrives; and I too really missed the glasses of wine with dinner and the post dinner cigarette too.

I have no other advice but wanted to say you have done so well so far, and keep it up xx

I found it hard too. I allowed myself upto a small glass a week, which I looked forward too on special meals etc.
I'm on my journey to moderation now. Some of the books recommended above are good and it will give you a positive boost. You are doing really well

I don't understand the feeling of not joining in because you're not drinking. I just pput some squash into a wine glass and crack on with the fun