How did you tell your family you are pregnant? Terrified to tell my dad.

[Paranoid1stTimer]

This is pretty sad as I am 30 yrs old but my dad was in his 40s when I was born and has always been pretty staunch and has high Christian morals (but isn't too forgiving) and I am terrified of telling him I am pregnant. It is really putting a dampener on things as my partner's family will be over the moon (we know cos they're always asking why we don't get a move on). We are engaged but not married and I will not marry until I am ready. Some people will prob think this is stupid as what bigger commitment is there than having a child together but we really wanna get married abroad but haven't wanted to spend thousands of ££s on a wedding as we are pretty strapped for cash and felt time can wait for a wedding but not for babies. Anyway, the other problem is my mum died suddenly a couple of months ago which was very traumatic for the whole family. I literally spoke to her on the Tuesday night and she was fine apart from sounding a bit tired, took a stroke later that night and she was dead on the Saturday. It was the worst time of our lives.

Now I feel this baby is a blessing as I had a miscarriage VERY early on not long after my mum died and now am pregnant again (which was a bit of a surprise as we had only decided to start trying again). It took us a while to get pregnant in the first place and I am almost 12 weeks so we want to start telling people but I feel sick with worry that my dear old dad will totally disown me and I couldn't bear it especially since he is so down and seems so alone now.

Any advice would be so great as I seriously don't know anyone else personally who has this problem. Everyone else married/unmarried/single/young/old have had their families rally round them and be overjoyed when they announced they were pregnant. To add to it, my sister in law is pregnant - which is fine with my dad cos they are married - and my brother is the favourite in the family (I am not feeling sorry for myself by the way - I have known and accepted this for many years so I am just stating a fact) so I am worried my dad will already have his first grandchild on the way so it might make it all the easier for him to tell me I am a disgrace on his Christian morals and that he doesn't want owt to do with me/our much loved and anticipated baby...

Please help with some words of wisdom - I am sure I aint alone in this. By the way, I am also pretty depressed just now which is not helping and the hormones and still grieving the loss of my mother are making me crazy...

Sorry for the HUGE 1st post but I am at my wits end and I want to be positive for my unborn child and my partner's sakes...

Thanks so much for your help xx

I told my dad at 5 weeks both times, but was absolutely petrified. I have no idea why really, soundns silly but he would knoow i had had sex (I am 26 and married, so i guess he allready knew). Throughout the whole of the first pregnancy i was scared to talk about it in fronnt of him and I even cried when i told him and askked if he was angry.

He has very high morals and from a cultural background that doesnt talk about things too openly.

sorry, but for some reaon i have a smile on my lips.
my dad would have been devasteed if i had an illegitimate child. disapointment in me sort of thing, rather than anything else. he would have loved the child to bits of course. he was very happy when i told him i was pregnant, five weeks after getting married, and poor guy, stayed in the labour room with me, because i refused tolet him go. he soooooo did not want to be there. but his little girl was scared and wanted him there. so he swallowed all his cultural moral etc ideas, and stayed with me. till the doctors said he had to leave. he was very relieved.

He might be upset and that can't be helped, but most parents get over this rather quickly. I'm sure he is going to be thrilled to be a grandparent once he gets over his shock.

I was terrified of telling my Dad, I'm only 20, my then boyfriend dumped me when I told him and I was embarking on everything alone. Catholic family, very strict etc etc.

I ended up getting my Mum to tell him for me when he was on his way to see me and he was thrilled. Shocked but really happy and excited to be a Grandparent. I'd be very surprised if your Dad is any different, in my experience of an unplanned and disasterously timed pregnancy everyone has been really accepting, supportive and happy about things. Also, if he is a Christian he should have faith that it was meant to be and that a child is a blessing. He would be anti-abortion and should have very strong opinions on the sanctity of life.

Good luck!

Paranoid, would it be worth your while asking your brother and sister-in-law to come with you when you announce your baby-to-be to your dad? The scenario I'm envisaging is that bro and sis will rally round, clap and cheer, slap you on the back, give you hearty congratulations, thank you warmly for providing a cute cousin for their own child, say they can't wait to meet the little critter and see how gorgeous he/she will be. In such an atmosphere of excitement and enthusiasm, I rather bet your dad wouldn't DARE to make disparaging remarks!
I understand your caution, tho. My father is rather austere and Victorian too. My partner and I eloped and wed offshore about four years ago and I still haven't told my dad. But I have told him about my pregnancy, and he is thrilled about becoming a grandfather --- he's had to wait such a hell of a long time for the privilege! (I'll be 42 next month.)

Well.... I told him!
And as you ALL expected, he was thrilled. Didn't even hesitate in congratulating us. I feel so daft for worrying myself sick when he took it so well.

I actually burst into tears cos I was geared up for him hanging up on me or giving me a "stern talking to" but there you go. He's not that Victorian after all!

Well, thanks again sooooooooo much for all your advice and words of wisdom - you seriously helped me A LOT with how to put it and getting support from my bro n sis in law. My brother was actually more "fatherly" than my dad!

Love you all!

Well thats fantastic, I know how nerve wracking it is to worry about your parents. I was 18, and training to be a veterinary nurse when I got pregnant. The babies dad threw me out of our home because he didnt want a baby, and I was so scared of their reaction, I didnt tell them until I was three and a half months. They wanted me to have an abortion, like my ex, I refused, but now hes two and a half, and the dote on him so much, I sometimes wonder if I imagined what they wanted me to do. I think all our parents surprise us at some point. Congratulations on your baby, It sounds as though it is well deserved.