Help! We can't agree on names!

[sel2223]

I'm English, OH is Turkish and we've agreed to go for a Turkish name for our first baby.

While we are finding girls names easy, we simply cannot agree on boys names at all and it starting to cause a bit of tension.

I want a modern sounding name with no special letters/characters which will work in both Turkish and English. My faves are Eren, Evren, Koray, Adem or Zakil (Zak for short).

OH hates all my names! He wants a strong, traditional name like Mehmet, Hamza, Hayat, Sercan or Ali....I don't like any of those.

Help! Anyone else on a totally different page to their partner when it comes to names? How did you agree? I feel like we've already exhausted Google and can't find a single boys name we both like!

We were like this. We wrote our top ones down and pinned them on our notice board, and we'd repeat them. Some grow on you. In the end the one we went with was a short version of one we actually wrote off! Don't worry, something will come along you both love. The baby can't stay nameless forever

Are you going to find out the sex? If you are then I'd wait until you do that and only worry about boys names if you need to.

@sirmione16 thank you. That's a great idea about pinning a list up somewhere to see if any names grow on us. We'll try that
.
@Kinsters no, we're not finding out so need girls and boys names.

My husband is English, I am not. We have agreed in advance that baby will have first name from my country and the second one from his as the baby will have English surname and grow up in the UK and we wanted both cultures represented in our child's name. Our deal, in case of disagreements, was that he'll have the last word in choosing the first name if it is a girl and I will if it is a boy. Luckily, we didn't disagree but I feel this deal would have prevented a bigger drama if we did.

My mum and dad when they was having me decided if I was a boy my mum would choose the name and if I was a girl my dad would choose my name...

Don't worry yourself though something will come up you both like.. We only chose the babys name about 3/4 week ago and I'm nearly 35 week.. (hubby thought he had a say but in all honesty he didn't really haha)

so you compromised on picking a Turkish name but hes not willing to compromise on anything?

That's not fair

Me and my other half couldn't agree at all until one night he called the baby a name and I point blank refused then around a week later i had a dream and my nan was calling him that name so that was that I feel like my nan chose very sad but I've been feeling guilty about her not being here anymore and not meeting my son xx

As a Turkish, I needed to ask, how old is your OH? All the names he is suggesting are 80s and 70s names.

As far as I understood you’ll be living in the UK, so I would also save the poor kid from being called with a name his friends cannot pronounce properly.

Thanks everyone, OH did suggest that as I was the one to suggest the girls name, he gets to pick the boys name but I couldn't agree to that as I literally hate every name he suggests. Am I being unreasonable? I do kind of feel that by compromising on it being a Turkish name, I should get the final say on the name we choose but OH disagrees and thinks it should be a mutual decision.

I wouldn't want it to be a name he hates!

@Altmosphere I know, they're so old fashioned! Some are family names that have been passed down through several generations and OH wants to keep the tradition going.
I feel strongly that it must be something modern sounding with no special characters that is pronounced the same in Turkey and The UK.

@laurapb88 maybe it's a sign. I recently lost my grandma too so understand how you feel.

What does everyone think of 'Aslan'? It means lion in Turkish and is the name of the lion from the Chronicles of Narnia.
It's the only name we both don't hate but I am slightly worried it would get shortened to 'ass' in the UK!

Hi OP. We had this problem, but with Irish names. I wanted something people could actually spell given they’ll grow up in England, but Irish DH kept recommending very traditional names (some I couldn’t pronounce!)
You just have to be fairly firm - my rule of thumb was ‘if we both don’t like it, then it’s not the name’. It did take us a while and we had a little list we’d go back to every now and again. We’ve managed to pick now, finally! But like others have said you are already compromising but agreeing to Turkish names so his compromise must be that they are names you both love!

I think you’re right @sel2223

Your son will be living here, he needs a name that fits in.

It sounds like you are compromising a lot. I think Aslan is cool but I’m not sure it’s a name I’d have the guts to give to my ds. Will the child already have a Turkish surname? Does it need a Turkish first name too?

FWIW me and dh never agreed on names (we have 3 ds) and it was always a struggle to find a name. So good luck.

Thanks everyone.

@MrsEG wow, I can imagine! Irish names are beautiful but the traditional spellings are often so hard to spell/pronounce. I'm pleased you managed to agree in the end xx

@zippyswife I'm not sure I've got the guts either....maybe as a middle name.
The surname is Turkish but fortunately short (5 letters) and very easy to pronounce.

Short term we will be in the UK but longer term it could end up being Turkey, hence the need for a name that will work in both countries.

Aslan will no sooner get shortened to 'ass' than (say) Astrid. It's actually less likely to because the S is voiced, isn't it?
Brits (IMO, being one) worry far too much about abstruse potential shortenings/'nicknames' spellings of initials etc. It's a peculiarly British puerile trait to make fun of people's names like that, but the more we pander to it (or potential cases of it), the more it'll go on.

I like it more than any of your other names and also like it for the Brit cultural reference.

How about
Tomas
Teo
Danyal
Emin

No parent should have to use a name they hate.

I think as he is choosing the theme/ethnicity of the name he needs to be a little more open minded and more understanding of your need to choose a name that is comfortable to you. I personally would find it quite hard to find a name from a very different cultural background as I lack the life experience of hearing the names being used. I would want to take my time and really research all the names from that culture.

@CatteStreet blunt but true....I definitely think us Brits worry too much and I've seen all sorts of weird and wonderful names/spellings in recent years so I probably shouldn't dwell so much on the 'what ifs' of years to come.
I'm pleased someone else likes Asian lol xx

@Newcottage20 thank you for the suggestions. I love Teo but the surname starts with the letter T and I'm not a fan of double letters if you know what I mean....and Danyal is out as my nephew is Daniel.

I've always like the Turkish name Kenan. It has Irish origins.

If you are not married, then the tradition is that you pick the first name and baby gets your surname.

@Newcottage20 I definitely don't want a name either of us hate. I'd love us to find one we agree on.

Aslan is fantastic! Such a cool name.

Ah, I just spotted that you are giving the baby his surname .

In that case, of course you must choose the first name, that’s only fair.

How is it a comprise if he gets to choose the last name AND the first name?

@ItsReallyOnlyMe I like kenan!

@IM0GEN we have postponed the 2020 wedding due to me falling pregnant but are now planning it for 2021. I don't want to give our child one surname then change it less than a year later.

@stanleywalkersthirdwife thank you, I'm pleased you like it. It's definitely growing on me....I love the chronicles of Narnia!