So bored on first week of maternity leave (just a rant)

[SaraKatie]

Just a rant really. I’m 38+4, on my first week of maternity leave and I’m so bored. I really wish I was in work, but according to the law here you have to take your leave two weeks before your due date, and mine is the 30th.

I can’t do a lot of the really active things that I’d usually do, like a spin or xfit class, but I have been keeping busy. I did a c section class (my baby is measuring very big and I’ve been told I might have to have one), did a painting, finished my Christmas shopping, been to my doctor’s appointment, met a friend for lunch, yet I’m still climbing the walls with boredom. I can’t seem to get to sleep at night until 1am at the earliest, and I’m woken by my husband going to work at 7am and nothing will let me get back to sleep. I don’t nap (never could). To be honest, I’m not even sure I’m tired. Lying around watching Netflix is not for me. I’d have thought I’d be glad to rest up at this point. I’ve been carrying a baby that is the size of most people’s full-term babies for about 8 or 9 weeks (estimated 8lb 8oz at 35 weeks 😱), but yet I don’t want to rest and relax. I’m just fed up! I’ve to move house next week at 39 weeks and honestly I’m actually glad I’ll be so busy. I feel insane!

On another topic I’d also quite like to smother my snoring, grunting husband who keeps shaking the entire bed with his movements beside me! 😂

What country are you in where the law says you have to stop work at 38 weeks? Interesting.

Dont worry OP you'll soon be busy enough and not even know what day it is due to sleep deprivation 😂

Ireland.

Tbh that sounds preferable. I’m very worried about being bored during my leave. I love my career and it’s very stimulating and challenging every day, and I am always busy in the evenings as I am big into the gym, and I usually coach sports and have a lot of social events on my weekends. I made the decision to take my full whack of maternity leave, which basically doesn’t have me returning to work until next November, as I figured it’s a once in a lifetime experience (or twice in a lifetime according to my loose life plans 😂) and I’ll never get that time with my baby back, but I’m terrified I’ve made a huge mistake. First world problems, I know.

Seriously though, if I kill this snoring man beside me could I get off on a light charge due to pregnancy induced insanity? How can one man make such loud noises through a human nose and mouth? Why is every turn he makes like an earthquake? He’s not a heavy guy!

Personally, I would use this time to clean house. All the closets, all the cupboards, drawers, everything. It will keep you busy and you can get a lot done you soon won't have time for.

I remember feeling a bit like that at the start of my first mat leave. Sort of weird being at home during the day - I wasn't ill, or on holiday, it just felt wrong!

By time second may leave rolled around I fully embraced it!

Good luck with the move and the new baby!

I felt the same and for me it didn’t get any better through maternity leave tbh.
The only thing I’d suggest is doing what we did which was a lot of cinema trips and mini golfing.
Also enjoy your baby, winter babies are amazing!

God I love the sound of snoring. Never sleep so well as well my oh snores his head off!!

Pre kids I was a really busy over achieving career/gym/social life/ never sit still person. I worked up until 3 days before my planned c-section.

I wish I'd taken maternity leave prior to the birth just to have more time to adjust to the gear shift, and to get used to a huge life change before the real work started.

My first baby was born. Beautiful but had some issues that meant feeding him was a round the clock, can barely leave the house kind of task.

I went from being in control, successful, busy, respected, free- to what felt like the polar opposite in the course of those three days. It was a huge shock to my system and I had no time to even think about myself or my mental health or emotional wellbeing.

OP, if you are like me, you might find the newborn days equally jarring. I recommend you use this time for self care, and get to know yourself and what you are like without being as busy and productive in a traditional sense as you were before. I wish I'd taken time to reflect that the life I'd been living was going to change forever.

I've kept busy by cleaning and tidying the house. It has been hard going from working full time to nothing though.

I listen to hypnobirthing tracks that send me straight to sleep so I can get some naps in the day.

You need to sort out the snoring now, it will be so much worse when you have a newborn keeping you up as well. Try earplugs for you and your DH should address it on his side as well - maybe nasal strips or a mouth guard?

I was so bored during the first 8 weeks after my baby was born all she did was sleep. God I would love those days back 🤣 5 months old and alert chatty needy teething is now the norm. Seriously make the most of these day's.

Prepare prepare prepare. So make sure you have lots of clean clothes for you, tops and bottoms, knickers, socks etc for when you get home with baby, so you don't have to do washing and rummage for stuff , make sure you've got the things you'll need for the baby strategically positioned in various places around the house. Cook and freeze food to eat. Practice doing your make up with one hand in ten seconds. In fact, practice doing most things with one hand. Make sure you've got lots of pillows. Sleep because the day you have the baby, you're not going to have a full nights sleep again for possibly YEARS. Enjoy watching a bit of telly with your husband in the evening, (again might be a loooong time coming). Enjoy the peace and quiet.

I spent the first week of maternity leave cooking and filling the freezer with meals. We have no family around us and those meals kept us going for MONTHS. If you end up with a very clingy/non-sleeping baby like I did the first time around, you will quickly realise there is no such thing as "time to do the cooking" and, particularly if you breastfeed, you will always be hungry!

I'm sorry to tell you that looking after a baby is often very, very boring. It's also lovely and exhausting and rewarding and stressful, but the relentless feed/change cycle of the early days is boring. And then when they're older you have to entertain them, which again is lovely but also quite dull sometimes.

Get earplugs or set up a spare bed for your husband because you will want to look him when he's snoring and you've been awake for hours with the baby.

Do everything in the house that needs doing or will need doing, because you soon won't have time.

If you have the freezer space, would strongly recommend some batch cooking. I did this in the run up to DD2 being born, and we've only just finished eating them at nearly 3 months in. Absolute life saver when you are too tired to even think. Write what it is on it though as you won't remember once baby arrives.

But it is hard going from pre baby lifestyle to maternity leave in my experience- still find I am missing the mental challenge work provides. Babies aren't demanding on that front.

Make the most of this time and relax because as soon as your baby is here it’s a huge shift. No one can get you ready for the changes you are about to experience. It’s a lot. Guessing it’s your first.

Sounds like you do a lot which is great - but you may struggle a bit during maternity especially those first 3 months or so as it’s not as mentally stimulating with a baby. Try to enjoy the newborn phase it does go by so quickly though not in the moment haha. Lots of Netflix & chill or books!

Have you done any research into baby classes in the area? Highly recommend this if you haven’t as you’ll definately need social interaction after a few weeks whenever you feel up to going out. If you have a hobby where you can do it from home that’ll also help or a part time business that’ll also keep you going once the baby is here! I’m so glad I have my business I started back 4 weeks after as I was going crazy & needed some normality. In hindsight I should have taken my time as it effected my healing but other than that I’m so glad I have this.

You won’t get much rest once the baby is here unless you have a lot of help / childcare so go & enjoy this time! I’m glad I made the most of it all before baby arrived but even now I still do selfcare everyday 😂

My babies are always late so I spend the final few weeks still working, this time around I wrote three book chapters. Clean everything so you can leave it for a few weeks, batch cook, compile a list of films you want to watch or books you want to read in the first few weeks.

It's a classic but - batch cook.

Get down to Poundland for their clear tubs, cook up some family sized lasagne, chilli and rice, stews and veg etc and portion up and freeze. 4 weeks time You will be ever so grateful.

Ha e you investigated everything you'll be doing once your baby arrives? Baby groups, bf cafes, mum and baby fitness cLasses, baby swimming etc

That would be great except ... we don’t have a house. 🤦‍♀️ It’s currently still being worked on by builders and electricians. Hoping to get into it next week. At the moment we are staying in my parents’ freakishly clean house (my dad is seriously into cleaning), and I think that could be adding to the feeling because there’s nothing to clean and my mum keeps cooking even when I say I will (she knows I’m terrible), so there’s nothing house-wise I can do! Disaster.

This really sounds like me! Good idea, I know that life is going to change drastically but I’m not sure being aware of this fact is the same as actually realising the reality of it, if that makes sense?

With dd I went on mat leave at earliest point.. Mainly because it was leading to Xmas in retail. And my employer was being awful.
So I had weeks and weeks of finding things to do. Obviously Xmas passed a couple of weeks. Jan was crap weather. So I cleared every wardrobe, cleaned every cupboard and drawer. Windows the lot.
Then Feb I was exhausted my iron levels plummeted. Had to have infusions. So after ds sch run I slept loads in day.. Or met friends.
It dragged.
As it was I didn't return after leave..
And after dd born I was rarely bored.

Now. Due dc3 have 5 weeks left. And no ch ace of being bored with dd.
And she naps right on sch run for ds so I can't nap too. Unless dry and he walks home.

Have you read some baby manuals? Useful to prepare and consider if/when you might want to try starting a routine. If baby co-operates, a good routine is invaluable for giving you some time to yourself especially in the evening.

I was signed off at 32 weeks and had to rest, the boredom was unbelievable. Use the time to research local baby groups, classes and anything that gets you out of the house once the baby is here. If breastfeeding look for places you'll feel comfortable feeding until you get the hang of it.

I plan to print out all my photos and organise them, something I would never do while working.

Thanks for all the suggestions! I know it’s not a real problem and I’m privileged to be able to take leave. I just feel like I’ve lost so much of myself and it’s really strange. I physically look different, obviously, but I also can’t do the usual exercise that I’d do. I compete to a high level in an extreme sport, and I obviously can’t do that at the moment... and now that I’m not working it’s kind of like what do I have left? I know it’s temporary but it has been a shock to the system this week.

OP- I totally understand how you're feeling. I've felt like this on and off too during my pregnancy - especially when I was off for 2 months due to HG and couldn't do anything.

I tried to just not follow those thoughts as much to be honest and just relax into this life change. You're still you, even if you can't do things like work / sport / whatever you usually do. It will come. This is a different phase in your life, but you won't lose yourself entirely just because of the baby.

And everyone says that once the baby is actually here, your priorities click into place and it should all work out somehow. We aren't the first and we won't be the last to be feeling overwhelmed by this change. Have trust in yourself and your abilities and try to see it as a phase. You'll still be you.