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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Abortion im Almost 15 Weeks.

32 replies

Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 16:30

Hello My boyfriend as been saying from day one have an abortion and i agreed then i changed my mind on the morning of the abortion now im too scared and i dont want to, but he doesnt want it, i dont think he will ever move on from this. What do i do? Having a abortion at almost 4 months seem more than Wrong to me..

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 16:32

Im just so lost. Will he come around? will he hate me forever. Ive had a miscarrage at home and passed the baby on the floor and had to flush it i was around 10weeks it was the worst experience of my life. Also i cant take aniestic so ill have to have the medical abortion and again pass the baby. I cant do it.

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Branleuse · 10/12/2019 16:33

This is not something you should allow yourself to be pressured into. There is no compromise to be had here.

PlinkPlink · 10/12/2019 16:38

I agree with above.

You should not be pushed into an abortion. As a woman, you have autonomy over your body. It is your body, it is your choice.

He won't change his mind. He'll be resentful and angry.

Best prepare yourself for a life without him. One where you can raise you baby with help from friends or family.

Seriously, ditch him. He sounds awful.

ItsNearlyMorning · 10/12/2019 16:39

How old are @Helpmexx
It is tough being a single parent but even harder to live a life of regret and grief because you have been pushed into doing something your heart is telling you not to do.
At the end of the day it's your body and your choice.
Nobody else has a right to force you into making such a massive decision.
Have you been having prenatal care ( midwife, scans etc ) if you haven't please get yourself registered and get support from your midwife and GP.

greeentopmilk · 10/12/2019 16:45

Your body your choice. Don't be forced into anything.

You have an abortion and stay with him you will probably resent him and be unhappy forever or separate eventually.

You could keep the baby and he will probably leave, or stay with you and also be resentful and not a very good dad.

You need to work out whether you want to be a single parent, or stay with your partner without a child.

It's not an easy decision I hope you are ok. Thanks

Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 16:50

I’m 27, I’m not young I know it can be done alone, I’m just not in the right place, still living with mum, I’m at a new job so I won’t get maternity pay. I haven’t had any midwife care or appointments because I was just scared to tell him I couldn’t do it so o haven’t been to the hospital, I had a scan at 7 weeks because I was bleeding apart from that haven’t been back.

We have only been together around 4 months, and he’s just saying it’s the wrong time, I was just hoping he’d come around In The end of when he sees the baby.

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Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 16:50

I’m scared that I won’t be able to do it alone.

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TopOftheNaughtyList · 10/12/2019 16:51

How long have you been with your bf OP? I'm not sure if this relationship will survive. If you keep the baby he may not get over it and may resent you or split with you. If you abort the baby it will be the reverse, with you possibly not moving on or forgiving him. Is there anyone else (family/friends?) in real life that can offer you some support? This is really not his decision to make, it's yours alone, and you must not feel pressured into making a decision you're not happy with.

dontalltalkatonce · 10/12/2019 16:52

Do NOT have a termination you do not want for some guy, any guy, EVER. NO man is EVER worth it. Tell him not to contact you for a few days and get some space to think. You'll be going this alone, but you don't have to give the child his surname or put him on the birth certificate.

Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 17:02

@TopOftheNaughtyList
We have been together around 4 months, But he was my first ever boyfriend when I was 15 and we started going out again, at first when we first got together he was asking me to have kids and I said no, and now I’ve fallen pregnant by accident he’s saying he’s life isn’t in the right place and he doesn’t know what to do or if he will stay with me. And he’s mad because I said I would then got scared he feels like I lied to him. I didn’t lie, I just got scared on the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 17:03

@dontalltalkatonce
Thank you I will take some time and space from him to think

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Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 17:04

@TopOftheNaughtyList
Yes I have my mum I told her, she thought I should have an abortion in the beginning but now she’s saying no it’s too late, but he won’t stop going on, I don’t want to ruin his life.

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PotteringAlong · 10/12/2019 17:06

So you must have got pregnant pretty much immediately? I think your relationship is over anyway - he will resent you if you don’t abort and you will resent him if you do. So just do what you want to do without him in the equation.

Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 17:08

@potteringalong
Yeah, we also dated a few months then we went out with each other. As pretty much as soon as we went out. I didn’t find out for a month

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/12/2019 17:08

Your partner is not going to stay with you either way. So do you want the child or not?

Take him out of the equation.

Original poster
Helpmexx · 10/12/2019 17:09

@PotteringAlong
Thank you

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Berrylove · 10/12/2019 17:10

Think about how you felt when you saw your baby at the scan, did it fill you with joy? The only thing that matters is if YOU want to keep that baby, if you do, you WILL be able to do it with or without him. I imagine that your mum will support you best she can, once baby is well on the way he may come around, or even when he sees the baby when it’s born. Just do what’s right for you, if that means aborting then by all means do so, just don’t do anything you’re going to regret, and especially don’t do anything just because he wants you to, you will end up hating him for it and he might leave anyways.

ItsNearlyMorning · 10/12/2019 17:10

His attitude will ruin his life and honestly he's doesn't care for you if he's treating you like this.
I'm pro choice but you want this baby.
You can do it and you can get maternity pay from the government if you haven't been in the job long enough.
You'll also be entitled to some benefits once your baby arrives.
Plus child maintenance.
Be strong. Block this bastard and throw him out of your life.
Good luck. At 27 you are old enough to cope and you can always stay with your mum and find somewhere once you are settled with your child.

nurseymummyx · 10/12/2019 17:13

This happened to my friend.. She fell pregnant, her husband wanted her to get rid but she didn't. He now dotes on that little boy, he's an amazing dad and it warms my heart to see.
Do what's best for you lovey and the rest will fall into place! If he leaves, good riddance & his loss. But you never know he could always change his mind once the baby is here x

NemophilistRebel · 10/12/2019 17:14

I had an abortion when I was with my boyfriend 4 months. Meh put no pressure on me and it was my decision.

I still regret it.

It wasn’t the right time but it’s still painful

We are married now and have a child but neither of us will forget the abortion and I know DH is sad about it too

Whiskeylover45 · 10/12/2019 17:14

I'm sorry what? He got mad you "lied to him?" That's like saying I accepted a cup of tea then changed my mind about wanting it. He sounds an asshole OP. It's not his body and thus not his choice! If he was that adamant about not being a dad he could have stuck something on the end of it, instead of expecting you to do all the leg work. I agree with PP take a few days out away from him to make your own decision. If he is any sort of man he will respect that. I doubt he will because he worries you wont go through with it, and wants you round to apply all the pressure. However you are the one who has to live with whatever you decide to do, so my advice is do what is right for you and no one else. If the last termination you went through was too much, then that's your decision made. It sounds like you wont survive either way so take that out of the question and make your decision based on the fact if you are willing to do it on your own or not.

I was the same, fell pregnant 6 week into our relationship and kept it. It was difficult because like you I had just started a job, however while you may not get SMP, you can apply for maternity allowance from the government which is worked out on how many hours you worked during a period. Which is what I got. That gives you nine months to put things in place for when it ends. Sending you Flowers. Just make sure you make a decision based on what YOU want, please xxx

dontalltalkatonce · 10/12/2019 17:14

Have you told your family? I would! If you were my daughter I'd help you if you wanted to keep the baby. Forget him! You might qualify for Maternity Allowance if you have enough NI contributions and for Universal Credit once the baby arrives.

He's not a keeper and he's gone either way.

Consider the decision without him in the picture because he won't be.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 10/12/2019 17:15

What do you want?

pooopypants · 10/12/2019 17:15

What do you want OP? Forget him for a minute and think about yourself. Think about what you want to do.

You'll likely resent him if you have the termination 'for him and so you don't ruin his life' (🤨) and he'll resent you if you don't

If he was so bothered about babies, adequate protection should have been decided upon and used.

Whiskeylover45 · 10/12/2019 17:17

Sorry meant to add that keeping DS was the best decision I ever made. My now DH supported any choice I made. However even if he hadnt and I was a single mum, he would still be the best thing to ever happen to me

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