Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I'm pregnant is my life about to end?

28 replies

Poppet626 · 08/12/2019 07:26

Hi, i found out yesterday that i'm pregnant. I have taken two tests which were both positive. This was not planned. One one side i'm happy because recently i've really wanted a baby but not yet, .me and my partner wanted to wait a few years because i really wanted to travel and just be me for abit longer and enjoy just us two as a couple for abit longer and the thing is before anyone says, you should have thought about this, i did take procautions. Yes i came of the pill about a month ago but only because it makes me feel so dreadful, i was waiting for an appointment with my doctor to discuss other options and in the meantime was using condoms. This time the condom broke so in got the morning after pill less than 24 hours later and i'm still pregnant. Everything just feels really surreal, i havent told my partner yet as im nervous to, i know he doesnt want this. Basically i had an abortion when we first got together and i just dont think i could do it again, for one i found it a horrible procedure and knowing i do want children i just dont think i could do it. I know it sounds selfish but im heartbroken that i wont be able to travel, ill be even more broke than i am and that my life is gonna change. Im so full of all these mad feelings, i cant even sleep it feels like im dreaming. I think the reason im dreading it so much is because you hear so many parents say how they have no life now that they have kids and im honestly petrified, i dont know what to do. Im sorry if i sound selfish, like i said one side of me is happy, the other is an emotionl wreck. Would you say that having a kid ended your life and your dreams?

OP posts:
Dontunderestimateme · 08/12/2019 07:35

Definitely not. It added a lot to mine. Babies can travel, it just takes a bit more effort. It will change your life undoubtedly, and may well be tough at times but I don't think there are many parents who feel having DC has ruined their life. Don't forget that people who are happy with their life and not struggling are far less likely to post on here as they don't need to.

fee1234 · 08/12/2019 07:51

I've taken my 6 month old on two trips abroad, first when he was 10 weeks and second when he was 16 weeks. On most airlines they travel for free and many hotels don't charge for babies. Very portable at that age and I was breastfeeding so milk wasn't an issue. You can 100% still travel, I just made sure I knew where local pharmacies etc were before we went, and took out travel insurance for peace of mind.

Besidesthepoint · 08/12/2019 07:54

Plenty of people travel with children. Yes, you need to be organised but you can still travel half the world.

Hairyfairy01 · 08/12/2019 07:55

Your life isn't ruined, it has only just begun. All will be fine.

Lweji · 08/12/2019 07:59

Definitely not. I have and so many women I know have good careers with children.
You'll need more discipline and focus to make your efforts count. Be more strategic.

As for travelling, you may or not be somewhat restricted for a few years, but if you intended to have children anyway, it just switches a bit when you do it.
I'm just as happy travelling now when DS is older than when I was younger. You don't have to take children to every trip, but you may find out that you want to.

It looks like this baby really wants to be here Wink and you seem more afraid of your partner's reaction than of the pregnancy. Tell him asap and discuss it. No point in getting stressed out about a reaction you're only imagining.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/12/2019 08:16

Your life will change,
Let’s not pretend it won’t. But your life won’t end. First months will be shock, the broken sleep, the endless feeding, the inability to just pop to the shops without organisation. But you will get in a rhythm and yourself back. Of course you can travel, again just more organisation needed.
No one can deny that you can’t be selfish with a baby, there are of course pay offs- the unbelievable love you will have.
Practicalities:
Re money- can you afford mat leave/ childcare/ take a career break.
Re: abortion, don’t feel pushed into anything in either direction it’s your body. How many weeks pregnant was your last abortion?

snowflakeeel · 08/12/2019 09:01

Yes, your life will change and you will adapt and can make it work around what you love. Some people like routine with a baby whereas we took our baby with us on our adventures and baby fit in with our travels and slept in a sling when needed, fed when wanted etc. When our daughter was 12 weeks we started walking up mountains again and returned to camping. They enjoy all sorts of outdoor pursuits now as we continued with our lifestyle (adapted of course) and they are now part of it and love every minute.

We kitted the nursery out second hand and friends were keen to pass on their baby/child bits and pieces. We are expecting number three now and the only thing I have bought for the baby is a new mattress. It really is incredible how little you need for a baby. These companies can see a new mum to be coming a mile off! Use facebook groups and eBay and there will be plenty in charity shops if you're happy to search.

We find our children motivate us to get out and do more these days because they are so active.

Loopytiles · 08/12/2019 09:02

Unless you’re wealthy, get married and/or plan to continue working full time!

Loopytiles · 08/12/2019 09:05

A key issue is whether your DP will stick around: is he reliable?

MarleneandBoycie · 08/12/2019 09:06

Taking a baby on a vacation is not traveling. OP, in your position I would not hesitate in having a termination. You say you are broke and if you would be heartbroken at not being able to travel then it sounds untenable. For what it’s worth , I agree with you, travel and having children when I could afford them would be my priority too.

Wildorchidz · 08/12/2019 09:09

in your position I would not hesitate in having a termination.

She has terminated a pregnancy with her dp already. She doesn’t think she can do it again.

MarleneandBoycie · 08/12/2019 09:10

But she asked a question. In her position I would terminate

Hairyfairy01 · 08/12/2019 09:16

She didn't ask if she should terminate or not.

Autumn2019 · 08/12/2019 09:17

No - having a child has not ended my life or my dreams. It has made my life more meaningful. Babies can travel too, you just need to plan a bit more. Good luck x

averythinline · 08/12/2019 09:25

your imagined life of just hopping on a plane. staying out late . .mooching round bars/clubbing /nice restaurant dinners whilst travelling, backpacking through jungles /quadbiking through deserts
yes realistically that is unlikely to happpen for lots of years....

otherwise it can be easy to travel with babies but a pain with toddlers - but yes you can still travel but it is very different experience and yes children are expensive but a chunk of that is related to wages.childcare impact

your life wont end but it will be different to that ......I can understand why you wouldnt want another termination - been there ....but I wasnt ready - and it was the right decision for me- had DC when I was in a better place - and there are pros and cons but overall am glad I waited-

Loopytiles · 08/12/2019 09:27

Most people don’t have the funds to travel for months with a baby or DC, due to the financial and employment risk and (later) stuff like childcare and school places. A few manage it!

marinova · 08/12/2019 09:27

Ours was planned but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I was terrified my life would be over too, no more going out on date nights and nice holidays. My little boy is 10 weeks old now and I can not imagine life without him. We already have two holidays booked. It is tough on the relationship but by working as a team it has made us stronger. I wont lie there are days where I am so tired I could cry, however it feels more like my life has just started, not ended.

Morgan12 · 08/12/2019 09:38

I was in the same position when I got pregnant. Was a total accident, I hadn't missed a pill. Thought my life was over, but the truth was that it hadn't truly started until the moment that baby was in my arms. You are in for a hell of a ride that's for sure, but you will love it. Good luck!

DerbyshireGirly · 08/12/2019 09:45

I also had a huge panic a few days after finding out I was pregnant, even though we very much wanted and planned it. It's a huge thing, your life is going to change massively and I was so scared I made the wrong decision. I'm six months pregnant now so I can't talk about life as a parent yet but things are good at this point. I'm excited for what's coming but I can still be myself, get dressed up and go to bars on a Friday night, I'm just drinking 0% beer instead. We've booked a holiday for next year with the baby, at first I thought I'd miss bar hopping all day and night but now I'm just so excited to play in the pool with baby and take them to the beach for the first time. You adjust to your "new normal". I still feel like myself but with a bit extra but at first I thought all that was gone.

On the flip side, if you do terminate you have nothing to feel ashamed of. But maybe give yourself a few days to see whether this does genuinely feel wrong in your core or whether you're just a bit freaked out because your life is going to change so much.

lauryloo · 08/12/2019 09:59

i think what you are feeling is perfectly normal x

Ash39 · 08/12/2019 10:17

How old are you OP?

Aozora13 · 08/12/2019 10:52

Life is never the same once you have kids but that doesn’t mean it’s over, just different.

Sure you probably won’t be putting your life into a backpack and travelling the world on a whim for a while (although there are some bonkers people who do) but travel isn’t just for the young. And although it’s easy to moan about the drudge side of parenting, there is so much joy too.

InterstellarDrifter · 08/12/2019 11:04

i Just adapted dcs into my life. Yes there’s compromises of course but my dcs have gone to lots of interesting places and travelled loads.
If those are your passions op then you definitely end up finding ways to fit it in.
Take advantage of free stuff and save for the bigger stuff.
I often bundle the dcs into the car, take a packed lunch and go and explore places.
My dcs have grown up being fascinated in the world around us and love going to see the animals at the local farm to snorkelling in the Pacific Ocean.
It’s not just about physical travelling though. Read books to them, watch documentaries and you can nurture that love for travel in them too.

FenellaMaxwell · 08/12/2019 11:07

Your life as you know it has ended. Yes. What is to come will be completely different. It’s hard and awful a lot of the time. It’s also so, so much better.

Merename · 08/12/2019 11:08

Even people who have a carefully planned pregnancy freak out about the things you are when they find out they are pregnant. Your life and plans do change, and that is hard. But it sounds like you know where you stand regarding termination, so you will gradually adjust. 9 months and all the physical changes, is a good process to help you get mentally ready. All the best to you Smile

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.