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Original poster

Pre birth assessment with social worker

45 replies

Sophietrophie89 · 04/12/2019 15:47

Hello this is my first thread.

So today I had my first appointment with the midwife. This is my second pregnancy but with a new partner. We both have a wee boy each. So we kinda knew what we were in for with this appointment. Everything was going well until we were asked if we had ever been involved in the justice system - like been in court or convicted. Unfortunately my partner has been convicted for domestic abuse with intent to injure. Unfortunately his ex is known for fabricating lies and this one was a biggy (we have found out she has lied about quite a few things about ex's and money too). He was wrongfully accused of something he didn't do. But that's in the past. He has to disclose that today - the midwife has told her us she has to follow that up with the social work and we will probably have an assessment. My partner is really worried now. He thinks they are going interrogate us and cross exam what we say. No once has he ever given me cause for concern that he's abusive or would hurt me or the boys.

So I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through this when pregnant? If anyone knows what actually happens?

Thank you

OP posts:
puds11 · 04/12/2019 15:49

Was he convicted?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 04/12/2019 15:51

Puds it says so in the OP.

MrsJoshNavidi · 04/12/2019 15:52

Are you 100% sure he didn't do what he was accused of?

MrsAgassi · 04/12/2019 15:54

Was he accused or convicted? His ex may have made false allegations but if he was convicted surely this was in court with a judge, jury and evidence?

AlternativePerspective · 04/12/2019 15:54

He has a conviction for domestic violence and you are havin a child with him? Oh and yeah, of course the ex lied, they always do.

OP, given most abuse starts during pregnancy I would get the hell out now.

Does he have children? If so I’m guessing he’s not “allowed” to see them?

puds11 · 04/12/2019 15:54

Urgh, tit! Missed that! Thanks @Hearts

I don’t see how he’d be convicted if innocent.

AlternativePerspective · 04/12/2019 15:57

Also, if it was proved that the ex had lied the conviction would have been overturned.

What was his sentence?

QueenofPain · 04/12/2019 15:58

He has a conviction for domestic violence, it didn’t get to that stage on thin air. He must have hurt his ex partner pretty badly.

Do you really want to go down this road of ignoring what’s right in front of you?

He will almost certainly hurt you too, he’ll just be waiting until you’re well and truly stuck with him.

Blippolbblopp · 04/12/2019 16:01

He has a conviction for domestic violence, it didn’t get to that stage on thin air. He must have hurt his ex partner pretty badly

This

Alderaan · 04/12/2019 16:04

Non-judgemental response here.

Miscarriages of justice do happen and also people are capable of change.

I guess the midwife has a duty of care to pass on this information. I expect there will be an assessment but no further action if they don't deem you or your baby to be in danger.

I'm married to the most gentle man on the planet and in a beautifully loving relationship but because it mentions in my medical notes that i was in a violent relationship with another man in the past, at my booking apppontment i faced a barrage of horrible questions about my past and the whole experience was very stressful - it actually meant that my blood pressure at that appointment was much higher than it has been since!

Just try to answer any questions honrstly and calmly and remember that they're just trying to ensure your safety. I understand how invasive it can feel.

MollysMummy2010 · 04/12/2019 16:04

I don't remember being asked those kind of questions.....

Blippolbblopp · 04/12/2019 16:05

Im not 100% what could happen

Depending on what he did i assume hes going to have to really proof to social services he isnt a danger to you or the baby or if it turns out he is a danger then social services will make you choose

AlternativePerspective · 04/12/2019 16:05

And just how far into the relationship did he tell you about this conviction?

TBH, if someone i was in a relationship with told me they’d been convicted of domestic violence it would be game over for me. I sure as hell wouldn’t be waiting around to find out whether he might hurt me and/or my children let alone having a baby with him.

Hopefully once SS get involved they will do a thorough investigation and advise accordingly. IIRC in these situations the advice is often that the violent partner not be allowed in the home or near the baby and failure to do so could result in the baby being removed. But that does very much depend on the severity of the crime.

Blippolbblopp · 04/12/2019 16:06

really prove

Original poster
Sophietrophie89 · 04/12/2019 16:06

I love how you all jump to the conclusion that he actually did it. Yes he was convicted but she has tried to do this with every ex she had, I have seen the photos that she had the police take - with no bruises on her arms, I have read all the texts she use to send him when they were together and after they broke up - she had said on numerous occasions that she would ruin his life. And played a blinder in court. I was there. He apparently pushed her - no battering no punching no nothing. I have been with him for 18 months. They weren't together for long when he accused him of this.
He's a feminist and grew up watching his mum bring battered by ex's and vowed he would never do that. He is excited about me having a child with him. And yes he has a child that we get 50/50 custody of. Psychiatric reports to say that they believe that him that he never hurt her and was abusive. Unfortunately in Scotland any mention of domestic and the courts will always go down that route. I wasn't allowed to talk in court - and she went on the stand after him. Some of the things she never happened as we have proof in text. But there was no way of over turning it.

But get off your high horses - this wasn't what I was asking and should have to justify him - when I know his ex's before her and they all say he's the calmest person they've ever known and the reason they aren't together is because it has run its course.

I am actually disgusted at the way you have all reacted. And tempted to delete my thread and account

OP posts:
Embracelife · 04/12/2019 16:08

If he was convicted then it is best to go along and speak honestly.
If he is truly rehabilitated then there wont be any issues and after some appointments all will be good.

If it turns out you need help because actually he is a violent person ...... then you willbe in the system

AlternativePerspective · 04/12/2019 16:09

Miscarriages of justice do happen and also people are capable of change. bollocks. How many women talk that talk about how “he’s changed” only to end up down the same path in a year’s time. Violent partners never change.

And even if change was possible, there are some crimes which cannot be undone. Beating up your partner is one of them, and most sensible women’ wouldn’t want to take that chance, especially if there are already children in the situation.

Embracelife · 04/12/2019 16:10

So if he he has all those reports and proof etc then it s just formality isnt it? Accept this is how it will be

SnuggyBuggy · 04/12/2019 16:15

I'd engage just to be on the safe side

Original poster
Sophietrophie89 · 04/12/2019 16:15

He has bumped into her on trying to leave her house. She decided to go down the route of ringing the police 7 hours after he left. We heard the recording in court. "No he didn't hurt me and just a little scared". She smirked at herself whilst that was playing.
I have been with an abusive partner. I have friends that have too.

We have a strong solid relationship.

We were together when this incident happened. I remember him ringing me on his way home and telling me that he bumped into her and that she was being off with him that night.

OP posts:
puds11 · 04/12/2019 16:20

So he bumped into her and was convicted of assault?

Rockingdahorse · 04/12/2019 16:21

so it's gone from nothing, to he apparently pushed her, to he bumped her on the way out of the house Hmm

Racmactac · 04/12/2019 16:22

Some women do lie and make this stuff up.

If he has 50/50 of his child then the courts clearly weren't very concerned.

They will do a pre birth assessment and make sure you are aware of the risks. Given he has 50/50 of his child I highly doubt anything will
Come of it

Original poster
Sophietrophie89 · 04/12/2019 16:22

Pretty much. She had said he had pushed her.

The justice system is so corrupt.

OP posts:
Banwell32 · 04/12/2019 16:23

I had a pre birth assessment for different reasons they will look around your house ask you a few questions they like to talk to you separately. I was so worried for mine but honestly the lady was lovely and if your other child is well looked after and the police have never been called to your home I’m sure you will be fine good luck!

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