Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Pre birth assessment with social worker

45 replies

Sophietrophie89 · 04/12/2019 15:47

Hello this is my first thread.

So today I had my first appointment with the midwife. This is my second pregnancy but with a new partner. We both have a wee boy each. So we kinda knew what we were in for with this appointment. Everything was going well until we were asked if we had ever been involved in the justice system - like been in court or convicted. Unfortunately my partner has been convicted for domestic abuse with intent to injure. Unfortunately his ex is known for fabricating lies and this one was a biggy (we have found out she has lied about quite a few things about ex's and money too). He was wrongfully accused of something he didn't do. But that's in the past. He has to disclose that today - the midwife has told her us she has to follow that up with the social work and we will probably have an assessment. My partner is really worried now. He thinks they are going interrogate us and cross exam what we say. No once has he ever given me cause for concern that he's abusive or would hurt me or the boys.

So I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through this when pregnant? If anyone knows what actually happens?

Thank you

OP posts:

isitpossibleto · 04/12/2019 16:23

If you want to keep your child you’ll leave him.

Cohle · 04/12/2019 16:25

I think you should really carefully consider whether it's in the best interests of your child for you to be in a relationship with this man.

BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 04/12/2019 16:27

Scotland must be very different to England when it comes to DA. The police didn't even speak to my DA perpetrator and that was rape, sexual assault, physical assault and long standing emotional abuse. Maybe if it's not happened very recently it makes a difference. They didn't give a shit.

puds11 · 04/12/2019 16:28

Does he have 50/50 custody of his children?

puds11 · 04/12/2019 16:29

Sorry, again. I see it says that in the post

BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 04/12/2019 16:33

A conviction for a push? Did he go to prison?

Beck2277 · 04/12/2019 16:37

Blimey I dont believe how many people have instantly gone to attack! It absolutely happens that women can be manipulative, she could have easily claimed that he pushed her and if she stands by her story go to court if the police take it seriously. He might have done it, he also might not have. The fact there was an incident of sorts means more likely to convict especially if he admitted what happened. This doesn't mean he is abusive or violent or will be a rubbish parent. In terms of staying with him and lose your kids is mad, unfortunately a lot more violent relationships exist with children still there. One push or bump or whatever doesn't mean you cant keep your child. They will do an assessment or have a chat and most likely close the case. Any concerns raised in the future will be taken seriously I'm sure. Be wary of keeping yourself safe and if you ever feel at risk get out of the relationship before you become stuck. It is too easy to stay with someone that is violent but if you have a happy relationship and he is assessed as fine to look after his other child I'm sure it will be ok. Look into clares law as you will be able to find out if there are any other reports of DV incidents with previous relationships. Sounds like a difficult relationship between the pair of them, just consider what she says and be wary of any signs but she could absolutely make false claims like a lot of people, male or female.

WWlOOlWW · 04/12/2019 16:40

What will happen will depend on a number of things.

Is the other child he has shared with the women who made the allegations of which he was convicted? Or another women ?

It will also depend if SS knows information that you do not currently know.. and your reaction to any new information.

Soontobe60 · 04/12/2019 16:41

OP, be very very careful here. If you speak to the social workers like you are doing on here, saying she's made it up, it didn't happen etc then you'll be setting all sorts of alarm bells ringing with them.
Before it went to court the police and CPS will have looked at the evidence to decide if it was worth proceeding with the case and I felt there was a strong chance of conviction. They must have had the evidence. I appreciate that you are on his side, because if you thought he was guilty you wouldn't have stayed with him. But you're hardly an impartial outsider, are you?
You do have to accept that there are consequences of you supporting him with regards to your child though.

Tableclothing · 04/12/2019 16:45

Looking at things from SS point of view:

he has a conviction for domestic violence
you have a history of being in an abusive relationship

They will be concerned that history (as it appears to them, not unreasonably based on the court's decision) will repeat itself, and that you and your baby could be at risk. The purpose of the assessment is to find out if they need to do anything to keep your baby safe.

They will be much more concerned if either a) you try to disengage, miss appointments, move house suddenly and frequently, etc etc or b) you/your partner become angry and aggressive in meetings.

In order to calm their fears, you/your partner need to

attend meetings, answer questions
stay calm and civil.

Finally, you also need to be aware, no matter how unfair it is, that if you argue and argue with SS that he has never been violent and the conviction was a miscarriage of justice (did he appeal? What was the sentence?) it may appear to them that you are in denial.

The questions SS are trying to answer is "Can Sophie keep her children safe? Would she be able to recognise abuse? Would she know what to do if it happened? Would she be prepared to leave her partner to keep the children safe, if necessary?"

MoonlightBonnet · 04/12/2019 16:50

People are being sceptical because it is rare for a domestic abuser to even come to court, let alone be convicted. In no way is the court process biased against abusers, they get away with it all the time. So it would be really really bad luck for your partner to have been innocent and then gone on to be one of the few men who get convicted.

You need to cooperate with social services and work with them.

Keha · 04/12/2019 16:53

If you do end up speaking to social workers, the focus is on how this child is safe now and in the future. Don't get into a debate about whether he did it or not. He is convicted so the social worker has to work on the basis he did do it. Instead you need to talk about why you don't think he is a risk now and how you can make sure baby is safe in future. Be honest and engage with the process. Good luck with your pregnancy

isitpossibleto · 04/12/2019 16:54

Gone immediately in the attack? The man was convicted - whether that was a miscarriage of justice or not, the conviction stands. It is the rule of law and in the eyes of the law he is guilty. Social services will not take that lightly. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be risking it in a climate where there is much risk aversion from social services.

Loopydizzylove · 04/12/2019 16:55

I know of 4 men convicted for da..... And all turned out to be manipulative exes. It is disgusting, but it does happen. As long as you and he have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about. You'll probably be on some kind of unofficial watch list in case something does happen

isitpossibleto · 04/12/2019 16:56

Also, I’d give Family Rights Group a call and see if the can recommend a decent advocate for you.

Mayhemmumma · 04/12/2019 20:15

Unfortunately as a Social Worker I often see women not believing or down playing their partner's previous abusive behaviour, the ex is always crazy.

LH1987 · 04/12/2019 20:42

Hi,

I have experience of a female in my life lying about domestic violence. It is unbelievable how convincing she can be and courts and services tend to support the female. I say this as someone who is both a female and a feminist

But in answer to your question OP, I think this appointment will just be to make sure there is no concern for your safety or the child. Just be honest and forthcoming and don't go into it super defensive. Im sure it will all be fine.

Good luck.

Ibizababyy · 04/12/2019 21:06

Have you had a disclosure from police under Claire’s law? I know you say he’s told you everything/ were there at the time but given that it went not only to trial but was found guilty then you should know 100% information rather than relying on him telling the truth. Social worker will most likely get offence details from the police themselves so makes sense that you have the same information also.

MLP123 · 05/12/2019 17:58

Gosh I can’t believe how many people have jumped on this post to give their 2 pennies worth! The OP asked if anyone had experience of what the social worker assessment would be, not whether or not she should stay with her baby’s father!

OP I have no experience of this as I have never been in an abusive relationship, nor has my partner, but I am sure they will just have a chat with you to ensure you are safe and that you or your child will not be at risk. If your partner has been given 50/50 access to his existing child (which I’m sure social services were involved in, given his predicament) then they obv haven’t deemed him a risk. Just be honest.

Herewego93 · 05/12/2019 20:52

I went to court for domestic abuse if it wasn't for them obtaining texts he had sent bragging about what he did to me he wouldn't of been convicted. It went on for months and even getting a neighbours statement saying he heard stuff happen that wasn't enough. Thus was only a few years ago. You really belive he was convicted without any proof what's so ever?

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.