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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Older mum and pregnant!

35 replies

ClaireP20 · 04/12/2019 12:07

Hi x I am 6 months pregnant at 45 years old (natural pregnancy) and I am in a complete panic, I keep waking up in the middle of the night having mild panic attacks. I just feel so old. I thought I had finished with the horrific sleepless nights, finished with arguing with hubby due to tiredness, and I have only just managed to get back to being me again. I love my baby already, and I know I just have to get on with it again, but doing it at my age all over again is so hard to contemplate. Will I live to see my baby get married, or will they become my carer...I have to lie about my age now to the other school mums, and whisper my date of birth when I go to the hospital. I am just embarrassed. My husband is even older than me, and looks it too. He is also worried about the new baby's friends taking the mickey out of him. I am crying as I write this. Is there anyone out there who can make me see the positives???? Xxx

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Winterdaysarehere · 04/12/2019 12:11

I had a dc at 43.
Wasn't my first - doesn't feel any different having a now 5 yo than when I had one at the school gate in my 20's.
Congratulations op.
Be kind to yourself - you are cooking something truly amazing!!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/12/2019 12:13

Oh Claire I'm so sorry this is hanging over your pregnancy. Congratulations x
I'm a few years younger (will be 38 when my twins come) so no experience but you will get through this. Baby is loved and wanted even if a surprise. That's what counts right now.

Baby can just as likely get bullied for you being too young or them being ginger or having a lisp or having a weird name or being fat or being tall. Thing is you can never call it. You could be 25 and get hit by a car or get cancer when your kids are in nursery or you could live to 90 and grandkids. You can't call it.

How old are your other kids?

Conniedescending · 04/12/2019 12:21

I'm 42 and DH is 47 - we have a 4 week old baby and it's been fabulous. I was quite surprised that we didn't seem 'older' at scans etc as plenty of older parents around and no one batted an eye at our dates of birth. I was worried at first but it feels a real blessing to our family.

We are both coping with sleepless nights ok and have far more patience than when in our twenties. Am not sweating the small stuff.

Try not to panic - having a baby in your forties will keep u young!

ThreeLittleDuckies · 04/12/2019 12:22

A friend I met at playgroup had her second at 43, also unplanned. She was completely mortified when she first came and she definitely thought we'd all judge her for being older and kept explaining she didn't intend to have her at her age etc, nobody asked! She is the same age as my own mother, and I still didn't judge her! I think in regards too people judging you it's mostly in your head, unless you have adult children? I do think that makes it harder!

Her pregnancy went smoothly and everything was fine.

Do you have any family support in regards to the practical side of things?

smemorata · 04/12/2019 12:27

Don't lie about your age! You are obviously not too old to have a baby as you are...having a baby. Don't let other people's preconceptions ruin your experience.

Chocolateandcarbs · 04/12/2019 12:35

My sister was born when my mum was older than you and I’m friends with a dad on the playground who is 50 something - he says it’s a bit strange, but he’s loving doing the primary school thing again! Good luck, congratulations and enjoy your baby.

Magissa · 04/12/2019 12:50

My mum had me when she was 45. She was a lovely kind, patient mum. She didn't ever lie about her age but she didn't tell me her age either until I was a teenager. As a child I know that she looked older than some of the mums in the playground but if it did bother her she didn't show it and it certainly didn't bother me. She always dressed well and never ever seemed old. I truly believe that age doesn't matter... Love, kindness and patience does. Just be the best mum you can be.

Winterdaysarehere · 04/12/2019 12:56

I have a dgs who is only 18 months younger than ds!!
Age really isn't an issue op!

Original poster

ClaireP20 · 04/12/2019 13:00

Thank you for your lovely kind replies - you have me in tears. I have 2 older children, 10 years and 7 years, and they are both over the moon. I have tried to take care of myself (hair dyed and try to look relatively trendy. Well as much as I can..) i found a grey hair in my eyebrow this morning and it tipped me over the edge....xxxx

OP posts:

Catlover10 · 04/12/2019 13:07

Lots of women have children older now, for many different reasons. I think you are overthinking it a bit, you will still be a brilliant mum!

In terms of his friends laughing at him, they wouldn’t be very nice friends if they did! There will always be some nasty cruel people in the world but you can’t let that stop you having a child. Everything happens for a reason. Hugs x

SleepingStandingUp · 04/12/2019 13:13

Oh that's not even a huge gap.

I wonder if you felt like one of the older Mom's when you had DC1 and 2 and now having 3 after a gap is reinforcing that?

I have to say in the friendly little group of Mom friends I've made, our ages range from 26 to 44 (kids are 4/5) and it doesn't make a jot of difference

flippetyfloppety · 04/12/2019 13:23

I know lots of 40+ mums and wouldn't bat an eyelid (lash?) if I met you at a playgroup. My Mum was 45 when I was born and my dad considerably older. They were/are kind and patient and although they were desperately embarrassing that was a personality rather than age thing! 😂
My Mum says having me late has kept her young so just think of it like that.

Liverbird77 · 04/12/2019 13:27

I think I know how you're feeling.
I had my first at 41 and I am currently pregnant (planned) with our second. I will have just turned 43 when I give birth, if everything goes well.
I so wish I had met my husband earlier, bit that's life. So many people would love the chance to be a mum and can't.
Your child will adore you. For me, I now have a reason to try and maintain good health.
As a previous poster said, people judge for every reason under the sun. Let it roll off you.
Also, remember sleepless nights do not last long. My ds is 11 no the and o already feel we are in a manageable routine, compared to those newborn days.
Oh, and MANY CONGRATULATIONS!!

PandaPink · 04/12/2019 18:56

@ClaireP20 I've had grey hairs since I was 25

doadeer · 04/12/2019 19:03

So so many mums around me are in their 40s it's not unusual at all! I see lots of older dad's too. I really think it's very common now. Congratulations!

Sunny85 · 04/12/2019 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2019 23:05

My great grandmother got pregnant at 49, when her eldest child, my grandmother, was pregnant with MY mum. She said she was absolutely devastated and spent months crying. She had no idea how she would cope, and my great grandfather was in a state of shock.

But when the baby boy was born, when she was 50, they were in pure joy, and both said they enjoyed his childhood far more than with their other 9 children because they were so much more relaxed and wise.

You are NOT old and I think you will handle this brilliantly. You also have two older children who can be an enormous help!

TweaksDadsHat · 04/12/2019 23:15

My mum was 45 and my dad was 49 when I was born. Nobody ever laughed at me or my parents (to my face so if the did I was unaffected) they all thought my parents were good fun. And if I was allowed to do something so were my friends as their mums figured that mine had successfully raised my siblings to adulthood so they would use her as a benchmark.

I still have my parents now and some of my friends whose parents were 20 years younger sadly do not. My mum maintains that I have kept them young and now so do my children!

I have no bad memories due to my parents age, they got stuck in often more than other parents because of who they are rather than despite their age.

Please don't worry about what ifs because its wasted time, wait to worry when/if these problems arise. My parents say I enriched their lives and I have never felt hard done by due to their age.

Good luck and enjoy your new journey, this baby may even be a good sleeper I've heard that these babies exist 🤞

Original poster

ClaireP20 · 05/12/2019 07:50

TweaksDadsHat: it's so good to hear your mum and dad were good fun because I am trying really hard to be that kind of parent, and I just hope that I'll be like that with this one too. Like nans tend to be the ones who give in easily, I'll be like that! I worry because my dad was older too and he was such a misery. Thinking about it, perhaps he always was - his personality rather than an age thing. I've always worked with small children and I adore them, so I am going to try my hardest to be positive. 3 more months before I can drink wine again...sure that'll help a bit! Thank you all for being so positive. It has truly meant alot to hear younger mums saying they don't judge older mums - it's largely in my paranoid head.

OP posts:

flissity · 05/12/2019 11:51

I think as your 1st two children aren't really that old, they will keep you young. So its not like you haven't done school, and kids things for years and years, you are still very much In the Loop!

And some people are 'old' when they are 25! Its a mindset thing in my opinion.

I am pregnant wirth number 3 and also have a 10 and 7yr old. I'll be 37 when its born.

I think families; mums and dads come in all sorts of packages nowadays and people really don't judge. There is no 'normal' anymore, enjoy your pregnancy and your baby! Hope your DC are excited about new sister/brother :)

flissity · 05/12/2019 11:53

oh and another thing, my husband (who is 10 years younger) has had 2 white hairs while I have had none!! so thats not always an age thing either!!

Annasgirl · 05/12/2019 12:14

@ClaireP20 - firstly congratulations. I had my youngest at 43 and like you I felt great until at one point just after he was born I panicked about being old!!! But my DF was 49 when I was born and he was 68 when my DSis was born!!!! And he lived until he was 96 in complete good health. He was also very young at heart and very interested in everything up to the end - his best friend was in his 60's.

My point is, try not to let this anxiety spoil your enjoyment of your new baby - I say this as someone who has had to work very very hard to do that. But honestly, my DS is the love of my life (as are my other DC) and none of us could imagine life without him. He keeps us young and involved - he is 7 now and I am good friends with lots of the mums at the school and through mum and baby groups - there are also lots of us older mums (ie over 40 when DC was born).

I also look very young and I keep very fit and active and I keep on trend without looking try hard - keep in touch here and we can chat about it (actually, maybe we need to start a thread in style and beauty about it).

Also, there are studies showing that women who conceive naturally in their 40's are more likely to live to an older age and live healthily to that age (it's something to do with your cells being young or something) so that should reassure you on the life length front.

Annasgirl · 05/12/2019 12:15

Sorry, that should read 58!!!

Annasgirl · 05/12/2019 12:18

@ClaireP20 if you ever feel like you need a chat with someone who went through all of this too please PM me - there is nothing worse than going through these thoughts alone.

Stunned44 · 05/12/2019 15:09

Im having my first at the age of 44. Total shock. I have just passed the 12 week stage.
Nice to know Im not the only older lady doing this.

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