Flu jab worries - reassurance?

[daydreamdaisy]

I'm 13+3 and have yet to have my flu jab that the midwife recommended.
I am fully in support of vaccines, have had all previous and intend to get future dc fully vaccinated.

However, last winter I had a flu jab just after a scan whilst 9 weeks pg and then 2 weeks later at the next scan heartbeat had stopped.

I KNOW logically that these were so likely to be unconnected and just a sad coincidence and that my brain is looking for connections.
But every time I try to book in for my flu jab this time, I end up putting the phone down and crying as part of me is so scared about putting this so desperately wanted baby at (imagined) risk.

How do I get over this? Would you wait until later on say after 16 week scan? I'm really embarrassed and can't talk to anyone about it IRL.

In addition, given the proven and tangible risks to pregnant women (and their babies) who contract flu v unproven and unsubstantiated risks of the flu vaccine, for me it was personally an easy decision to make. I'd rather protect against something that is proven to be incredibly dangerous than not because of a risk that no one has actually proven exists.

As for the study that was linked, the researchers behind that conducted a wider, much more in-depth study which found the opposite to their original findings.

edition.cnn.com/2019/02/27/health/flu-vaccine-pregnancy-safety-miscarriage/index.html

This is the problem with cherry-picking research and not checking to see if it's been updated or rendered out-of-date by new information.

I had the flu vaccination at 6 weeks without knowing the risks, etc. Thankfully, all was well at my 12 week scan. My sister-in-law has had 2 pregnancies and had the flu jab for both of those and both babies have turned out fine too. I think I'd rather be protected than knowing I risk getting the flu which could be much worse for my baby.

It’s ok OP, you are suffering a PTSD symptom such you want to avoid the same loss happening and so your survival instinct is screaming not to have the jab.
Definitely tell your midwife. She may be able to refer you to support.
Delaying is an option. So is skipping if your MH suffers too badly.
Be kind to yourself. It’s similar to people who after a car accident cannot get into a car for months or years. I understand it is not something that you can think yourself into doing.
Maybe a support group or counsellor can help you with grappling with the loss. The pregnancy right after can be very stressful and traumatic as every week triggers a new flashback to the one that was lost.