41 weeks and feel like I want to die

[Overduedistressed]

Firstly I'm incredibly sorry if this thread upsets anyone, I also want to say I'm very grateful to be having a baby and don't want to cause them any harm.

I'm 41 weeks pregnant, suffering with pgp, carpal tunnel... the lot. I'm in agony and have been since 16 weeks, been signed off work since 28 weeks and essentially have been isolated at home since then.

I've had 3 weeks of daily false labour, no dilation or effacement, and I'm just exhausted, miserable and quite honestly have thought about ending it. I have absolutely no end in sight with this pregnancy, my midwife has shut me down every time I've tried talking to her about how miserable I feel and how much pain I'm in, so I don't feel like I can even try and speak to her again about it.

I've cried every day for weeks, I'm so lonely and so tired, I sleep about 2.5 hours a night (broken into 15-20 min bursts) and spend my days crying at my bump because I just won't go into labour. I've tried all the usual tricks to no avail, I've tried keeping busy to distract myself but it's not working. I've been fantasising about throwing myself down the stairs because then my baby would have to be born. I wouldn't actually do it, but I can't help the thoughts.

I don't really know if any of this is making sense, I just don't know what to do or who to turn to.

That sounds so stressful, have you discussed induction with your midwife? I've been booked in for 40 +7 if I want one (which I personally don't) so at 41 weeks you should have the option? I've read lots on here of people having attended maternity daycare for reduced movements and been induced after the third time even if baby is showing signs of being well so you could play the system a bit and go each day for the next few days?

They won't even consider induction until I'm almost 42 weeks in my area - I know it's only another week but it feels a lifetime away.

Unfortunately pretending to have reduced movements won't work, my baby doesn't stop lurching from side to side from morning till night. :'(

It’ll all be over soon though you’ve come this far just hang on. Won’t be long now.

You poor thing. The end is in sight though and if you've battled on with such strength this far you can get to 42 weeks. That being said, you shouldn't be feeling how you do and I'm sorry you've been left feeling so down and isolated. Could you call the labour ward and say you're not coping with or are worried about the labour pains?

I'm sorry things are so tough for you. Do not underestimate the psychological and physical hardship of being overdue, before you even factor in your ongoing difficult pregnancy issues.

I think your emotional state would be a factor in inducing your labour. Although it might involve speaking repeatedly to right people and I appreciate you might not have the energy or emotional space for that.

Your baby will be born on or shortly after 42 weeks, at the latest. Can you fill each day until then with something? I know it's so hard when you are so big and uncomfortable. Cinema? Get a massage? Put labour out of your mind and focus only on getting to the end of each day. And do that every day. Time will pass.

If you feel very low, please speak to your GP. Depression or anxiety at this stage is not uncommon and you can be treated.

oh you poor thing. This WILL end, although it doesn't feel like it will at this point in time.

I had absolutely miserable pg the last time, with appalling spd. I entirely sympathise. I have a photo of me BEACHED on the sofa, looking enormous, puffy and pissed off.

I would talk to your midwife again about your struggles. Do you have someone who could advocate for you if you don't feel able yourself?

I've tried speaking to my midwife a few times - she tends to talk over me and shut me down, she's the sort of person who wants you in and out of the appointment, if you see what I mean.

I know it's only another week and I should be able to suck it up, but I just feel broken. I don't know how I'm going to be able to look after my baby when they're eventually born, I can barely look after myself currently.

I'm sorry for whinging. :(

I have underlying health issues too, and family issues that aren't helping either.

Nobody seems to be remotely bothered how awful I feel, I've still got morning sickness for goodness sake. I know the important part is the health of my baby and I'm so so grateful that they're healthy, I just feel like I'm going to be an awful mum because of how I feel now.

Have you got any support around you? Partner/family/friends etc.

It sounds like you are quite understandably feeling very low ATM and some extra support would reduce your chances of ending up with PND, for example. It doesn't sound like your midwife is much cop - ring your GP for an urgent appointment.

Aw hunnie I’m so sorry you feel this way . Can you speak to your partner ? Go for a weekend away or something , even if it’s just a hotel room with room service , go to a salon, anything . Any friends ? I’d call your GP to be seen to see if they can advise on anything .
Just think in a week you’ll have your bundle of joy in your arms and it’ll all be worth it (I’m currently TTC and can’t stop thinking about that day !) 💕💕

Maybe worth seeing your gp or at least a different midwife as it sounds like she isn't listening to you. It's difficult being overdue, I finally had mine at 40+15
I thought how would I have the energy to go through labour? But I did it and you will too. Definitely try and see someone as soon as you can to talk about how you feel. Maybe even a health visitor can help.

It is fucking horrendous, isn't it. I found that no-one wanted to know if you were feeling miserable in pregnancy.

Can you take someone along to your next appointment, someone to advocate for you?
Can you contact your community midwives directly?
GP might be worth a shot. If you felt like that at any other time in your life, you'd be seen like a shot.
You can also just outright lie, phone triage, and say you're worried about reduced movements, and you'd get to see a different midwife that way?

Are there any NCT bumps and babes sessions nearby, get you out the house?
Join MUSH, and meet other women in the local area?

It'll be no reassurance when you feel so very bad right now, but it's amazing how much better you can feel after you've had your baby, compared to overdue pregnancy misery.

They should be able to book you in for an induction now. Ring them, absolutely insist! It might make you feel better if at least you have a date. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful.

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time, and it sounds like you are getting some good advice on the thread. These links may help too:

Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Bypass your midwife. Go to maternity daycare. Explain, don't be British about it! Tell them the extent of the affect on your mental health. Just because you can feel movements doesn't mean you can't say you don't. I went before and he starting moving once hooked up but he wasn't before I got there and they can't check for that obviously

Oh @Overduedistressed you sound so upset and distressed.

I just wanted to acknowledge how you are feeling. Having long-term health conditions is hard enough to live with without being heavily pregnant on top, but the fact that you're having thoughts of harming yourself rings alarm bells. You MAY be suffering from antenatal depression which should be taken very seriously by your midwife. You've told her several times how much pain you're in from a physical perspective but does she know how desperate you feel mentally?

Can you ring your GP NOW and tell them exactly how you feel? Beg for an appointment if you have to. You should not have to suffer like this. I've never got as far as 41 weeks in a pregnancy so I myself cannot advise on whether they could or should induce you early, but your physical and mental health have to be addressed as a matter of urgency.

IF you have antenatal depression, that doesn't mean you will have postnatal depression. If sounds to me like you're feeling utterly worn down and desperate, tired and in pain. Tiredness on its own can make us feel utterly shit so on top of everything else it's not helping. You won't be able to have anything to help you sleep now as medication may make your baby drowsy when they are born but it's vital you rest as much as you can. If you can't get out to the doctors, ask for a home visit and say why you can't get to the surgery.

The endof this pregnancy IS in sight even through you still potentially have a week to go and it feels like forever but really, throughout your whole pregnncy you've put your baby first and still continue to do that but you need to get YOURSELF some help too.

If all else fails, you can ring NHS 111 and ask for advice. If you think you might actually hurt yourself, PLEASE get yourself to hospital immediately or call 999 if you have to.

Take care, we're right here with you.

Thank you everyone - I've spoken to my partner and tomorrow I'm going to work on getting an induction date sorted, at least I then have something to aim towards.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice xxx

Tell them you want it recorded on your records, that you are worried and it is effecting your mental health.

I thought woman were supposed to have the birth they wanted.. to me, that included an induction anytime from 40 weeks in my opinion! Why can’t we choose this?! I’ve heard of completely low risk women but given elective sections because they wanted one so why on earth can people not chose induction?!

I intend to ask for one this time at 41 weeks for quite personal reasons, I was hoping it wouldn’t be a problem

Good luck OP, you’ve got this! Please bypass your midwife & try and get an induction sorted with the support of your partner! Lots of love, you are so close! 🧡

Just want to let you know that you're not alone. I felt like this too.

The only consolation I can offer is that I was so happy to actually be in labour and giving birth that I didn't even care about the pain, I was just thrilled it was reaching its conclusion. I would give birth 70 times over if I didn't have to endure pregnancy again.

It's so much better when the baby is here (exhausting for different reasons).

You've had some really good advice on this thread so nothing else to add on that front, just wanted to tell you that it gets better. Got everything crossed for you and hope baby arrives soon, good luck!

@Overduedistressed I feel so bad for you. I was two weeks overdue this last pregnancy and barely had the energy to get off the sofa. Carpal tunnel is horrible and being overdue makes the days so long. I begged my midwife to get induction date for +7 days over but hospital wouldn't allow til +14. Although it's only a week it's so awful. I totally sympathise. It will also make you so tired with the morning sickness, pain and false labours stopping and starting. I wish I'd done more to get in earlier as my baby was massive in the end. As other posters suggested try gp, explain how you feel if you're not getting anywhere with midwife. I found my gp really helpful and sympathetic when I was there for migraines in pregnancy. Good luck op. On the plus side you really will feel so much better when you're no longer pregnant, it's such a massive relief

As nice as it would be for people to be able to elect to have inductions, the service just can't cope with that. We're fit to bursting as it is, let alone adding in lots more that don't technically "need" (used loosely) to be done.

Show them this:

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/20/induction-recommended-for-women-still-pregnant-at-41-weeks

According to UK guidelines you should be offered induction at 41 weeks

Hi, after today I've been offered an induction date for next week, so I have something to aim towards now. Thank you all for your kind messages, it's been a massive help just to know I'm not the only person to feel like this. Xx

I’ve read a few articles recently that the guidelines need to change..

Also, I’d argue being in extreme pain for a valid pregnancy caused medical condition is not an ideal way to go into labour & new motherhood, mentally or physically. So it is a need. I suffer severely with Hyperemesis and its physically & mentally beyond exhausting. In my opinion, it’s a need as 40 weeks of being really ill is quite enough! My midwife seems quite amenable to it though, it must depend on area..

Glad you’ve got one booked now OP I hope things get moving for you ASAP in the meantime!