Hi, I throw my hands up here. I have made a thread, for the first time ever, and I should have took time to read and ensure it is well-rounded. I merely rattled something together quicker than you can say it. This was whilst I was really down and frustrated. It may not have come across as it should have as there is a whole lot more to this. For what it is worth I will elaborate.
I perhaps did talk a little high of myself, although its true and I am proud of the man I am. There is nothing wrong with this and considering I am down so what if I was looking for some positive words to get me through this difficult patch. Any man or women independently raising 3 kids whilst dealing with the emotional effects, working full time, running a house etc is something to be proud of. I think any normal decent person in my shoes would do the same, it is unfortunate that I am in this position and there is nothing I can do about it other than smile, roll my sleeves up and crack on – that’s life.
When I said safe bet about my girlfriend it was based on our positions. Single parents, appreciate each other’s situations and would complement each other’s current position.
My comment:
I didn't have a vasectomy as I'm still young, well early 30s and after a 10 year relationship i didn't want to conclude my ability to have more children. If I met the girl of my dreams I would do the honourable thing if it was right.
This was my view prior to meeting my girlfriend and I thought she was to be the girl of my dreams. We did speak about it but she wanted me to hold off in case we decided in the future. I made it clear that unless our circumstances changed I was not willing and this was very clear from the offset. I said if I could work part time or retire (lucky lotto ticket talk) then yes why wouldn’t I. I am a loyal guy and my ex-wife left me for another man of which she begged me back – betrayal for me is a point of no return so I am not playing a game or waiting for something else to come into my life. I am a simple guy and dream of someone to share it with that benefits both sides.
She has had 2 abortions prior to us being together of which she has been open with me about in the past. She currently is 5 weeks pregnant.
I offered to get a babysitter so we could go out and talk about it openly. Of which she has told me to F off again.
When she informed me she said if she don’t keep it the relationship is over this was before I had chance to say a single word.
Since she has threatened to tell my kids that I want to kill their baby brother or sister.
I cannot reason with this as its all aggression and her decision is made.
She wanted us to move in together. I am ready to move forward. She hates certain things about her life. I said she could move in when we are both in a good position and there are no peripheral things that could cause issues. Some of these are one of her kids is very aggressive and she said she would go to the doctor to get some advice and/or tests for anything that could be triggering it. She hates her job, when she goes of course, 2 days a week. She has sickness every month as she gets benefits. I have offered advice and support on things we agreed to sort before we moved in together and well nothing has happened whatsoever. Understand in my position you have to be a doer and get into the issue to move forward. Financially I get no help and I made it clear that with my mortgage etc we would both have to work to maintain kids lifestyles. Nothing changed on her side and that is her choice not mine.
I appreciate that I should have used a condom, however I was naive. I will have to live with this.
I have concluded that I cannot work this out to be a parent together so I will offer support, but once the baby is born I will want shared care or enough to have a major influence on child growing up.
I will struggle in how to approach this with my children as its not a good conversation to have and questions will be asked.
I would say that some people on here are just looking to throw knifes and I would say that whilst you can only judge on what’s in front of you I would air on the side of caution as if I was vulnerable or not in a good place then some of these comments would really affect someone.
I also want to thank a couple of you that have gone out of your way to offer some kind words as a private message. It helped me sleep last night to know some people aren’t quick to reach for the gun.