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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant at 48

34 replies

iloveonions23 · 27/10/2019 09:27

I am pregnant at 48. It was an accident and obviously not planned. I am now 11 weeks and had expected to have miscarried by now as statistically most pregnancies like this do end in miscarriage. the stats are very patchy as most older births at my age are IVF with donor eggs.. I have three lovely children 12, 11 and 8. My husband is very, very unhappy and wants me to have a termination. He is very upset and it has caused a real rift between us. he is 50 next year. Before this we were really happy and everything was going really well. I am feeling very lonely, upset and tearful. I m actually secretly happy about this and count ever consider a termination unless something was seriously wrong.. We tried very hard for all our children having struggled for years to get pregnant with the first. Ironically, we also tried for 3 years to have a fourth child, obviously without success.Crying my eyes out writing this. I am terrified something will go wrong and also terrified that I am going to have another baby so late. anyone out there in my position? I could really do with a friend or someone who understands. Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bluebell34567 · 27/10/2019 09:40

48 is a bit late really, i wouldnt take such responsibility at that age. sorry for your situation. but you have 3 beatiful children.

zsazsajuju · 27/10/2019 09:42

48 is fine if you are happy with it. You can have a blood test for chromosomal abnormalities at 12 weeks. Congratulations op and I hope it goes well.

nataliemum25 · 27/10/2019 09:43

First of all congratulations, you need to do what is the best for you and if you want to have this baby then you go for it, it is your body and in the end your decision, in time I'm sure he will get used to the idea and everything will turn out good in the end, he's obviously in shock at the moment and just needs time to take it in, explain to him how you feel and how he is making you feel, I hope everything works out for you, good luck xxx

flapjackfairy · 27/10/2019 09:44

Well i have an adopted 5 yr old and I am nearly 55! If you don't want to abort then don't. No one should make you do that !

sheshootssheimplores · 27/10/2019 09:47

You can have a Harmony test from 10 weeks.

Winterdaysarehere · 27/10/2019 09:48

Congratulations op. A tad envious tbh!!.

RoxanneRoxanne · 27/10/2019 09:52

I can understand why your husband is so unhappy. My DH would be horrified if I got pregnant now I’m in my 40s and he’s in his 50s.

But it’s happened. Nothing good will come from him punishing you for something that is already done. You need to support each other through this and consider the different potential outcomes - another baby, yes, but also (I’m sorry if this seems insensitive) the possibility of a miscarriage or a pregnancy with challenges.

It’s a big shock for you both. Can you try again to sit down and talk this all through with your DH? Whatever happens, it will be better if you are facing it together and emotionally supporting each other.

Frustratedfrenchie · 27/10/2019 09:53

Congratulations! Don’t be pressured into anything you don’t want to do. Maybe your husband is just in shock?

Keha · 27/10/2019 09:57

Sorry to hear you are so upset, it sounds like you are in a difficult situation. I have a friend who had a healthy baby at 49 and is very happy - so it can be done. There's a lot for you to consider and you obviously know about the increased risks. Would it be worth speaking to your GP? I know you don't want a termination, but I understand that when you consider one you are offered counselling to make a decision and ive heard some people find that very helpful in terms of weighing up risks and options. Hope you can get some more advice on here from people in similar situations.

Mopmum35 · 27/10/2019 10:01

O wow @iloveonions23 a big congratulations
So you say your ' secretly happy' if so dont abort, who says you shouldn't be pregnant at 48?? Its a miracle, I can understand why dh isnt to happy must be a hugh shock but he cant push you into getting rid of your baby I'm sure if he's a decent dh he will accept it and love and adore his dc, book a scan and ask him to take you surely once he see's his baby his heart will melt.

Mopmum35 · 27/10/2019 10:03

Agree with @Frustratedfrenchie

Cobblersandhogwash · 27/10/2019 10:09

Congratulations.

Nobody can make you have a termination.

Your dh has to take responsibility too.

I hope you can come a decision that brings you happiness.

Original poster

iloveonions23 · 27/10/2019 10:11

We found out very early on - I was only just pregnant at 4 weeks. Ironically I had been referred to a consultant for a scan following awful pain and clotting during my periods. I half went in expecting to be told something awful and there was a baby on the scan. My initial reaction was relief I was ok and joy about a new baby. My husband has had many weeks to get used to it and still no change. He is just quiet and reserved with me and I am going through the usual early pregnancy stuff, hormones, tiredness sickness etc. if he was happy or at least accepted it I would be overjoyed. We went for a walk together yesterday and he told me about the different ways I could have an abortion - I didn't even know. He wasn't horrible - just dropped it into the conversation.I am really worried it will cause a long term rift between us and have a negative impact on our family, I know there is no answer to this. Just really wanting hear from someone who has maybe been in the same position and it is helping just to write it one TBH.

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 27/10/2019 10:20

What a dilemma!
The thought of having a 12 year old child at my current age (almost 60) horrifies me, but at 48 I would have felt different to being pregnant, as I always wanted a third child. Life is very much different for me and my DH now. We've downsized as our DDs have their own homes, I've almost retired and my DH is going to work part time in a couple of years (he's younger than me), we have much more money than we ever had when the children were at home. We could support them through Uni, buying their first homes and both their weddings.
At 48, you've got at least another 20 years of having to support this baby. And yes, lots of people do it. But it ain't easy! Your DH doesn't want to do the parent thing again, and if you do continue with the pregnancy he may well come to terms with it, but don't be fooled by others who say he'll get used to the idea and it'll all be fine. He may not. He may resent you for continuing with the pregnancy. Life will not be the same again.
Be honest with yourself. Do you want to keep this pregnancy because it's your last change at having another child? How will this impact on your current children? Did you and DH plan on retiring in your 60s and would not be able to do so if you had another child?

avocadoincident · 27/10/2019 10:23

I understand how your husband must be feeling. But you are the priority here and your feelings trump his.

You want the baby so you will have the baby. Congratulations. Xxxx

Whoopstheregomyinsides · 27/10/2019 10:25

Oh blimey. This is a tricky one. I can imagine your emotions are all over the place. Just sending a hand hold. There’s no right answer here, just whatever feels right and is financially and emotionally workable for all of you

bobstersmum · 27/10/2019 10:44

Not the same but we had a huge shock when we found out we were expecting dd. I was 36 when I had her but my dh was 50. He was pretty similar to yours tbh his first reaction was telling me I needed to have an abortion! I was brought up Catholic and abortion is not something I could ever do and he knew that. Although I didn't want another baby (would be number 3 and our others were only 2+3 when we found out) I knew that I had to go through the pregnancy. I wasn't happy the whole way through I worried and was quite depressed, dh was the same. But I am not exaggerating when I say that the moment she was born we loved her. I don't know where it came from, I didn't even get that instant love with my other two, but she is very much adored by us all. We consider her a blessing now, and I do feel very guilty for the way I felt during pregnancy.
Op, you say you don't want this to cause a rift between you and dh, but if you have an abortion to suit him then that will cause a rift too. I honestly think it's still early days and he will come round. Congratulations, I wish you all the best!

MustardScreams · 27/10/2019 10:50

No one’s feeling trump the other’s in a marriage. It’s not just op and her dh to consider, she has three children as well. You can’t make decisions for your entire family based on one person. Op needs to do what is right for her, but not at the expense of her children that already exist.

Op this is a difficult situation to be in, could you be a single parent to 4 children if that’s what you think may happen? Either way this is going to be hard on your marriage, if you continue your dh will resent it. If you have an abortion will you be ok? Or will you regret it?

MrsBobDylan · 27/10/2019 12:55

The way I would look at it op is this - a one in a million pregnancy has happened, you actually are pleased, your dh is not. You don't want an abortion (which is absolutely fine) and currently, your dh is very unhappy.

It is out of your control op. There is no decision to be made. If the pregnancy continues, your existing children will cope, you will cope and how your dh chooses to feel will be up to him.

A baby is a joy, whatever the age and stage mothers are in their lives. Enjoy this time now and congratulations!

Cyw2018 · 27/10/2019 13:05

My advice would be to go and get a harmony test done asap. The chances of a chromosomal abnormality at your age are high, and the results of the test (which you get back in 5 working days) may dictate your next step anyway.

Once you've done that if it's okay then it's time to sit down with your DH and really talk through it all and decide what is best for all of you.

bengalcat · 27/10/2019 13:16

Have you seen a doctor or midwife yet ? If not please do so . You need a scan to accurately date and check for a heartbeat then you can get into the realms of discussion re tests to have for screening for abnormal chromosomes . Once you know the results of these tests then you ( and your DH ) have more information.
Leave him be at the moment and look after yourself and your pregnancy . Good luck .

Original poster

iloveonions23 · 27/10/2019 13:34

Thank you for all the lovely posts. I have my harmony test tomorrow and scan next week. I have seen a doctor and had a scan at 8 weeks to check the heartbeat. I know there is no answer to this.It just makes it all a lot easier to write it down. Feeling very alone at a time when previously I have been brimming with happiness is weird and horrible. I know I have no-one to blame but myself but can't help feeling I have the potential to really mess things up if I make the wrong decision. I have told myself that if everything turns out fine with all the diagnostic tests and the baby arrives safely DH will fall in love with him/her and it will be fine. There is no guarantee of this though and I can see the ripples from this going on for years no matter what I do. He is a brilliant father and a great husband. I have always been so lucky. I thought he might come round to the idea. It's just not happening.

OP posts:

lauryloo · 27/10/2019 15:58

Op I'm 11 weeks into an unplanned pregnancy too. I'm 38 with a disabled child 4 year old and a nt 6 year old and it's been a shock but I'm finally getting used to the idea

My hubby wasnt pleased either but he's really coming around. I had a scan on Friday and I think seeing the baby helped him

Magic0Magic · 27/10/2019 16:51

If you’re a Facebook user, I'd recommend joining 'we are geriatric mums'. It's a group full of older mothers, really supportive and full of good advice.

Your husband has responsibility here too - it took both of you to get to this situation! Wishing you all the best.

RubbingHimSourly · 27/10/2019 16:59

A lad on my street had a mum who was almost 50 when he was born.

It was fine, the world kept turning. He's 38 now and his parents are still here.........as your youngest child is still only 8 you won't be that out of tune ((this boys oldest sister was 30 when he was born)) you'll be fine........as for the husband he needs to put his big boy pants on and support you as an adult should be able to.

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