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Original poster

Did you go by yourself to NCT?

39 replies

LighteningRidge · 22/10/2019 12:16

My classes are due to start this weekend and I just reminded DP and told him that it is for 3 hours. He no longer wants to go (assumed it was about an hour). Do I need to go with someone else? I don't want to make him because he'll just be a dick about it and so I would rather go by myself, but is this the done thing? The course material mentions about a birthing partner for single women. So I'm not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Catworrier · 22/10/2019 12:20

Firstly his attitude stinks. He is about to have a baby and should put his time aside to learn everything about what will be happening.

I would tell him to buck up his ideas and I know it would be easier on you for him to not be there but that's probably why he behaves like a stroppy teen at these things, to get let off lightly. Take him and ignore his attitude.

Mingle with other parents whilst you are there and let him get on with it. It's what fatherhood will be like for him. The baby won't be putting its feelings aside for his dads.

Pinkflipflop85 · 22/10/2019 12:28

I would bre pretty pissed off if my partner turned around and said he wasnt willing to attend, especially after agreeing initially.

We did the long course. My partner didn't particularly enjoy it at all, but he went every week because he knew it was important to me and he knew some of it was very useful to him as a father to be.

Original poster
LighteningRidge · 22/10/2019 12:29

I know I shouldn't but your response has made me laugh. I should channel your bluntness and make him go. I'll speak to him again, but I just don't want to be the person there with the partner who won't get involved. I would rather just say he is working. I should have mentioned this is his third child but my first so I think he just doesn't see the point for him.

OP posts:
Dyrne · 22/10/2019 12:33

Do you often find yourself capitulating to his demands to avoid his strops, OP?

Pinkflipflop85 · 22/10/2019 12:33

It isn't about him though. It is about supporting you.

Original poster
LighteningRidge · 22/10/2019 12:42

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It is about compromise for me and what will make my life easier. He is fairly set in his ways and I have just accepted this now. But I don't know, if he won't go, if I need a partner? He can't make all of them anyway as he has his children/work on the other days so only needed to come to one. I'll speak with him again. If not though, do I need someone else with me? It's this weekend so I don't have much time.

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 22/10/2019 13:03

You might be best off ringing the nct teacher and asking. On our course there were things every week that I needed partner support for (e.g. massage techniques, birthing positions etc). It could be that the teacher could be your partner for those but only they will know the answer to that.

ejmay90 · 22/10/2019 13:13

@LighteningRidge my partner isn't a fan of going either but said he will come to the first one to see what it is like.
I have loads of friends whose partners did not go. Yes i'm frustrated that he's not keen but it's not the end of the world. You can take friends or your mum if he decides not to go :)

Maybbabi · 22/10/2019 13:15

What a rubbish position to be in OP. I haven't yet been to NCT - mine is in December, but I can imagine that people will turn up in pairs. It might be nice to invite your mum, sister or friend to go along with you so you have some support.

As we all know, NCT isn't cheap and for those who do it, it's almost a rite of passage into motherhood. Such a shame your partner doesn't want to join you and experience this with you (I'd leave a long list of crappy house chores to get on with while you're out). Instead take someone you trust along with you. You both then get to enjoy the experience and learn a lot from it.

Go with a full heart, positive attitude and get as much as you can from the classes. Hopefully you will make some lovely friends there too.

Good luck OP and I hope you really enjoy your course Smile

Welcometoparadise · 22/10/2019 13:20

I went to one class with my partner, one on my own and one with my mum. My partner works weekends (the only nct course option in my area) and also had a stag do one of the weekends. I didnt mind - I wanted to do it and would have happily gone on my own to every class. It wasnt a problem at all. My friend is a single mum (by choice) and went to nct classes alone. It depends how you feel about it though- could your partner try the first one and then decide after?

1ce1cebaby · 22/10/2019 14:30

I would say to alone if he doesn’t want to go - unless you have a different birthing partner. No point anyone else learning the techniques that your husband will be using

Original poster
LighteningRidge · 22/10/2019 15:04

Thank you all. I'll chat to him tonight. Get a definite answer and go from there. It is reassuring that so many have done it by themselves.

OP posts:
Happygolucky12 · 22/10/2019 15:11

Go by yourself.
My husband came to them just because he felt he had to. He hated every minute and I wish he had stayed home as it made it difficult for me to enjoy it.
If the NCT teacher is any good they should be able to accommodate you going solo x

Dyrne · 22/10/2019 17:10

I’m more concerned about the fact that he can’t be bothered to suck up a little lack of enjoyment for literally 3 hours to do something to support you.

Does he realise that parenting is all about doing things you don’t want to do; because they benefit someone else?

katmarie · 22/10/2019 17:32

I went to the NHS version, and DH came too, however there were mums-to-be there without their partners, one came on their own, another brought her mum. I don't think it's unusual for partners not to be able to attend. Having said that I'd have been pretty disappointed in my DH if he hadn't wanted to come.

avocadotofu · 22/10/2019 17:37

Wow that's an awful attitude. He is about to become a parent and you sometimes need to do things you don't want to. Everyone in my NCT group went with their partner. I hope he matures before your little one arrives.

babybrain77 · 22/10/2019 17:40

In our group everyone was paired up and the dads have become friends, as have the mums. Out of 8, 3 of the dads had children from previous relationships (it was all of the mum's first baby). It would be nice if he could come for the first one as the people may end up being a great support network for you both

Original poster
LighteningRidge · 22/10/2019 18:21

He won't give me an answer. Just said probably and looked annoyed at me as I'd interrupted what he was doing. Really feeling down. Would rather know now so I can prepare. I think to be honest I'd rather go by myself now. I'm looking forward to meeting people and learning everything I need to know to welcome our baby into the world.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 22/10/2019 18:24

I would expect him to come to the first one.

Lovemenorca · 22/10/2019 18:25

Oh OP - yes, go alone. I went for one session on my own as DH ill and was absolutely fine.

It sounds as though you are going to need supper so definitely go.

And perhaps afterwards, take a wander along the high street and stop in at a family solicitors...

Lovemenorca · 22/10/2019 18:26

Support

Original poster
LighteningRidge · 22/10/2019 18:32

Thanks @lovemenorca I have been signed off sick (PGP) from work pending mat leave in two weeks. I'm so bored this is really something to look forward too and I'm just starting to get into the train of thought that the baby is coming. Luckily for me a good friend is a family lawyer!

OP posts:
Bowednotbroken · 22/10/2019 18:35

I used to be an NCT teacher and always welcomed whoever came - on their own, in a couple, with mum or friend. Drop your teacher a quick email if you can so that you don't feel uncomfortable for your arrival - then go and enjoy. It sounds as if making that network of supportive women might be very important for you. Enjoy!

BurpingFrog · 22/10/2019 18:39

In mine there were often women there without their partners due to work etc. In the parallel group one woman always came alone.

I’m single and was then too. A lovely friend came to most meetings, and I went to others alone. Absolutely fine.

Do you have a friend or relative you could ask, if you’d rather not go alone?

BurpingFrog · 22/10/2019 18:44

PS I’m sorry, it must feel so deflating when you should be looking forward to it.

Bigger DH issues aside, I think you can have a lovely time there whether alone or with a friend.