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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

No sex during pregnancy. Partner not attracted to me?

33 replies

Miimii786 · 18/10/2019 01:06

Hi ladies,
This is my first pregnancy and I have noticed since I got a bump my husband stopped getting horny... sorry to be TMI.
Is he feeling unattracted to me? He takes really good care of me and showers me with love in other ways but I can tell he does not want to have sex with me...
We were extremely active before I got pregnant but since the bump I feel like he is seeing me differently. He can’t feel any lust which arouses him, he is also scared to hurt the baby and overall I think he just doesn’t like the idea of sex with my preggers body.
Did anyone else experience this with their partner?
Is this normal?
He is really excited for the baby and as mentioned before he is taking amazing care of all my needs but he has stopped feeling aroused for me...

OP posts:
physicskate · 18/10/2019 05:03

Yup. My husband was put off by the thought of the baby inside. In fact, now that she's 7 months old, we've had sex a total of one time since the month before she was conceived (ivf). I think ttc for a few years might have permanently ruined our sex life... I also now sleep in the nursery to do night feeds. I'm hoping things improve once I stop breastfeeding (which has killed my libido), start to get into some sort of shape again and move back into our room.

Boymummy3 · 18/10/2019 07:23

Have you spoke to him about it? Its probally not that he isnt attracted to you with your bump its probally just because as you have said hes scared of hurting the baby. Try speaking with him tell him the baby is perfectly fine in there and it wont hurt them at all... some men do get put off by it and it's good that hes still showing an interest in you in other ways. :)
Me and my husband are the same tbh we have dtd a few times since being pregnant but I'm so uncomfortable now and tired constantly that we actually joke about the fact it probally wont happen again till after he is born lol. X

Contraceptionismyfriend · 18/10/2019 07:37

Yes. And I'd say very normal.
When I was pregnant with my first my husband was really freaked out for a while. Worried we would hurt the baby, worried it would start labour. Worried he might hit the baby, squash my bump.

Don't take it as a slight against you. Just ask him outright what's up.

BeanBag7 · 18/10/2019 07:41

My husband is the same. He said it felt like having sex with a baby in the room, and he was worried he would feel the baby kick which is a big turn off. I think it's fair enough, and doesnt mean he loves you any less. Plenty of women go off sex during pregnancy too.

theydontknowweknow · 18/10/2019 07:45

DP is the same! He just gets concerned about accidebtally doing anything that could cause damage, doesn't help that she wakes up every time so she kicks him when he touches me..slightly offputting haha

LolaSmiles · 18/10/2019 07:48

I'm echoing other posters. It's normal and nothing to do with you.

Bol87 · 18/10/2019 08:24

Totally normal in my experience too. In fact, I also find sex when pregnant really weird 🙈 all I can think about is my bump, then I think about the baby and then nope! Last pregnancy, I think we had sex twice in 9 months. Took a little while after birth as well due to me having a complicated recovery down there but things got totally back to (a new) normal. Number 2 was conceived in a bathroom in our hotel room in Spain.. you find ways when sharing a room with a toddler 😂

Meganc559 · 19/10/2019 10:08

Me and my partner had sex all through our pregnancy, a good level of intimacy is very important to maintain a strong bond.
When I got a bit bigger he did say it was alittle weird that the baby was right there but we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other. DS is 1 now and we still have sex all the time but your body changes dramatically after birth, my partner says he’s more attracted to me than he ever has x

physicskate · 19/10/2019 14:40

Good for you @Meganc559. Thanks for making those of us who have partners who aren't like that (all of us on this thread) feel massively insecure.

pinkstar01 · 19/10/2019 14:52

My DH is the same but frankly that suits me just fine, I have no desire for sex at the moment! There will be plenty of time for it once I'm done

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 19/10/2019 15:43

I have to echo everyone (but one) on this thread. DH hasn't come near me since bump was conceived and I have no desire either. It was the same with DS1 until he was 6 weeks old and I had the all clear from the doctor. I really wouldn't worry, he's probably just conscious the baby is there and doesn't want to hurt you or them. It doesn't mean the end of your sex life. Its lovely that he is looking after you in other ways.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/10/2019 15:49

Read the room @Meganc559 😂

mistermagpie · 19/10/2019 16:40

Eyeroll for you Megan...

If it helps at all I don't want sex when I'm pregnant, I bleed throughout during pregnancy (this is my third) and I just can't relax plus my libido vanishes.

But I still fancy my husband, I'm still attracted to him and our sex life has always returned to normal when I'm back in the game after the birth. Our 'strong bond' has remained intact despite the lack of pregnant sex.

I bet it's the same for your DH. Pregnancy is a weird and scary time and for a lot of people sex becomes a bit odd, it doesn't mean anything for the relationship and doesn't mean your sex life won't go back to normal again. Try not to worry.

JVW2112 · 19/10/2019 17:53

My husband is exactly the same. I have asked him if he still finds me attractive to which he says "100% yes if not more. What more attractive than the fact your carrying my child for me" however it doesn't make me feel any better 🤣 we have had sex once since finding out I'm pregnant and he just doesn't want it. He says it's a mental thing he just can't get over the fact there is a baby in there and he might hurt it...
I've written off sex until I want it after baby has come.

Babdoc · 19/10/2019 18:02

You’re all being rather harsh to poor Megan! Plenty of couples do have a happy sex life throughout pregnancy - it’s just a personal choice.
DH and I were active all the way through- in fact my waters broke during our final time, as I went into labour. DD used to get annoyed though, and would rap sharply on my uterine wall from inside, which was disconcerting but hilarious!
For most couples it’s just a matter of finding a comfy position, which may be on your side from behind when your bump is at the enormous stage.
If your DH definitely doesn’t want to though, you may have to just put up with nine months of celibacy. (I’d have been suing for divorce...!)

Honeybee85 · 19/10/2019 18:06

My partner was the same during pregnancy.
He was actually attracted to me but really worried to hurt me or the baby. He couldn’t forgive himself if we had sex and it caused some kind of infection. Ofcourse chances for this to happen were unlikely in our case but he wouldn’t risk it.

physicskate · 19/10/2019 18:07

@Babdoc - you're missing the point. Megan said how important it is for couples to have sex. It personally made me feel like shit (and still makes me feel unattractive) when my husband didn't want sex with me during pregnancy. And then she comes on here bragging about her active pregnant sex life (like you!!!!). So her making me feel abnormal and effectively judging my relationship when I already feel insecure is totally unnecessary- a bit like your story on a thread full of women who don't have sex during pregnancy, some of whom it isn't their preference but their partner's.

Comps83 · 19/10/2019 18:09

My DH is the same. We used to fall out quite often about my lack of sex drive so I’m quite pleased in a way really as it’s not an issue now

Comps83 · 19/10/2019 18:11

Oh and the handful of times we have done it while I’ve been pregnant I’ve ended up with a UTI every single time!

Bluerussian · 19/10/2019 18:11

It's not at all unusual. Some men feel they have to put their pregnant wives on a pedestal and are afraid of hurting them. It's quite sweet really. Please do speak to him about it though, if only for reassurance.

Lunafortheloveogod · 19/10/2019 18:12

He might just be afraid of poking the baby, the old wives sex brings on labour stuff.. mine was, and I cackled n told him if a baby can fit in the birth canal from head to torso there’s no way in Christ his bits were big enough to poke the baby 😂. And then when ds was born he had a mark (forceps) on top of his forehead and I looked at dp n asked “do you think that was you?!” He looked slightly paranoid for 2 seconds.. I couldn’t keep my face straight enough. And since he’s been born we’ve had sex twice... the first time caught me again so it’ll be another year of not much at all 😂

PurpleDahlia · 19/10/2019 18:24

My DH didn't want to have sex when I was pregnant with DS. Like others, thought he would hurt the baby etc. When DS was born things went back to normal after I healed. I'm now pregnant again and it's the same, however this time I'm not as worried that'll it damage our marriage. I just see it as temporary...

1sttimemom34 · 10/07/2020 15:11

My husband had sex with me about every 2 to 3 days until I started really showing near the end of my 2nd trimester. I think also him feeling the 1st kicks changed his perspective- it dawned to him that a real baby is inside me. I’m at 31 weeks now and he tried sex with me last night but pulled out after a few minutes and said he couldn’t. Says he loves me more than before pregnancy but he feels more paternal now and it’s too close to the baby. Says it’s like having sex with a baby laying in bed with us. Says he is still attracted to me but my anatomy is totally different and can’t. I kind of understand him but it still hurts and I can’t help but feel unattractive. I just hope our sex life returns after the baby is born.

Hanrora06 · 10/07/2020 15:56

I think sometimes wondering if something is 'normal' or not can give the impression there is such a thing, I don't think there necessarily is. I think what matters is how you feel and how he feels and how you talk about that. I can understand a lot of men have this feeling, and a lot of women feel like they don't want sex as well, all of which is totally fine, as well as it being perfectly normal for couples to continue to have sex if they want to. I think absolutely it can hurt when a couple compares themselves to other couples and think 'are other people having sex more than me??', but I think avoiding that tendency at all costs is super important. I also get the feeling of wanting to feel...like less alone and that others feel the same way.

So basically, just talk to your husband @Miimii786. Let him hear your concerns and hear his, and most importantly trust and believe him when he says he is still attracted to you, but right now the baby is the focus and he feels more loving and nurturing than sexual. That's OK. It's not you. Attraction and desire will always ebb and flow without it meaning you are now less attractive to him, or even unattractive full stop. Enjoy his love and closeness in the ways he's trying to show it.

I've had these conversations with my husband, like he's said he's keen to make sure my body doesn't start to appear 'functional' as opposed to sexual- or at least be able to recognise and value both, though at times one might take priority. And I feel the same- I don't want to see my body as less sexual just because I'm pregnant. It's got to just be an ongoing process of conversation, and recognising that tendency for it to happen and address it when it does, but not having expectations for things to stay exactly the same.

crazychemist · 10/07/2020 18:57

My DH went right off sex the first time as soon as he could feel kicks. Massively put him off, we did have sex once or twice after that, but in all honesty it wasn’t th greatest sex ever because he was obviously a bit put off! We’ve not had much sex this time since about 14 weeks, but mostly because I feel like absolute crap in the evenings, he’s really not a morning sex person, and we have a wide-awake 3 year old around during the day!

If you feel up to it, does he respond it you instigate? He may holding back thinking you would be uncomfortable and not want to pressure you. It’s good to keep a decent level of intimacy during a pregnancy, otherwise I think it can feel a bit pressure afterwards (we had a couple of dry spells after DD1 was born, and it starts to feel like the elephant in the bedroom), but it doesn’t have to be sex. Maybe a nice sensual massage?

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