Should I report this mw appointment?

[Morrisaeiou]

NC and posting here rather than AIBU - don't mind if people tell me I'm being unreasonable, would rather not be flamed though.

Summary: covering midwife was horrible. Should I complain?

Background:
I'm about half way through my first pregnancy. I've had problems with antenatal depression and anxiety and been signed off work for a few weeks. Basically I couldn't stop crying and I work in a customer-facing role, so got sent home. I've also been having problems with exhaustion, brain fog sand breathlessness. The exhaustion got worse as I went from first trimester to second. I know brain fog is a "normal" aspect of pregnancy but I've made mistake after mistake at work, and can't really cope in my personal life either. Going to the supermarket is now really stressful because I have to check over and over that I have everything I need. It's not OCD, it's that if I only check once then I will definitely forget most of what I need. The breathlessness has been awful. If I walk up a single flight of stairs I have to sit down for a minute or two to get my breath back. 6 months ago I ran a half-marathon in less than 2 hours. Now I can't keep up with most people walking.

The appointment:
I booked a mw appointment. I wanted to talk about mood (had had a really difficult few days) and ask for bloods to be done because I was sure that what I was feeling wasn't right for a healthy 22 weeks. Usual midwife is lovely and had been very clear I should feel free to call on her any time (well, within working hours, but you know)

It was a different midwife to normal. She got my notes out, and when she saw anxiety written in them said "Anxiety!" and tutted and rolled her eyes at me. I'm not making it up. At this point I decided not to try to talk to her about the mood stuff.

I explained that I had hoped to get bloods done because I thought I might have some sort of vitamin deficiency. She looked at me and said "You're not anaemic." She didn't ask me at any point what symptoms I might have been experiencing. She did do the bloods though and told me that if there was anything out of the ordinary she would call me, but there wouldn't be, and that I definitely didn't need to ring her. (I hadn't asked if I did)

She then launched into a very long spiel about vaccinations and why I should have them. She seemed very surprised when I managed to get a word in edgeways and point out that I am pro-vaccine and have always taken them up when offered.

She then told me, a propos of nothing, that "if you think the first half of pregnancy was bad, you're going to get a shock in the second half. The skin on your belly is going to be stretched so tight that I could just do this (she lightly ran a finger over the back of hand) and it'll sting you."

I know that sounds like some cartoon-baddy kind of behaviour but that is honestly what she did/said. I went home after she'd finished with me and cried. I don't know what she was trying to achieve. Obviously I have depression/anxiety in my notes and it felt like she thought that that meant I was a stupid fantasist.

Since then:

I've seen my usual midwife. She said that the cut-off for low iron was 10.5, mine had been 10.7 so the other midwife had marked it as normal and filed it. However, usual midwife saw that I'd been at nearly 15 in my first lot of bloods, that she herself would "feel like death" at 10.7, and has prescribed iron supplements.

Question:
Should I make some kind of complaint/report about the other midwife? Would that be unreasonable?

You are absolutely within your rights to complain. What you have described is unprofessional and negligent behaviour on behalf of the covering midwife. No woman should be leaving a midwife appointment feeling unheard, dismissed, confused or upset because of the behaviour of the midwife she has seen. I'm sorry that you were treated like this. Glad that your regular midwife is back and looking after you, and I hope you feel more like yourself soon

Midwives are under a lot of pressure with cut backs and the number of women they need to see so I would perhaps cut her some slack - we all have bad days and when I was pregnant there were definitely some MW who were a lot less approachable than others but then again those were probably the ones who had seen/heard it all over the years

As for the anxiety response the problem is that everyone seems to have "anxiety issues" these days - the amount of posts on MN where someone says they suffer from anxiety is unreal so it must be very difficult to differentiate between the snowflakes and those with a genuine need for help?

The belittling of anxiety alone is enough to make a complaint in my opinion. She should be well aware that pre-natal anxiety is a thing. Sorry you went through that OP.

Nope, a complaint is quite justified. I complained about a covering midwife when pregnant with DD2. Her advice (lie in a darkened, silent room on my left side, no books, radio, TV; send DD1 away somewhere else and absolutely no fresh air. I was allowed to walk to the loo ) was ridiculous and her manner dismissive and judgemental. I was not the first to complain about her, but I was certainly one of the last.

BTW, I ignored her, went out, took almost an hour to walk to and from the post office, which was 200 yards away and gave birth 2 days later, practically on my due date.

Might be worth speaking to PALS about it and see what they say. She might have been having an off day, but equally being dismissive towards someone with an anxiety condition is not appropriate. I'd probably approach it along the lines of you wanting to make sure that it doesn't happen to someone else, rather than to get her into trouble iyswim.

Regarding the anaemia, I've experienced similar. They use baseline cut offs with no regard to what someone's normal levels prior to pregnancy might be. Clearly if you're symptomatic there's an issue and we are all individuals, rather than a population statistic! Glad you got to see your regular midwife afterwards 👍

Yes. Complain. So unprofessional.

Yep definitely complain. That’s an appalling way to treat a concerned mum to be.

Midwives are under a lot of pressure with cut backs and the number of women they need to see so I would perhaps cut her some slack - we all have bad days

While this may be true, the OP has no way of knowing if this was an isolated "bad day" or if this MW is slipping regularly and could do with some refresher training/support to deal with personal issues/a check in about an unacceptable manner while dealing with patients.

IMO this should absolutely be reported.

Midwives are under a lot of pressure with cut backs and the number of women they need to see so I would perhaps cut her some slack - we all have bad days

Irrelevant. Her behaviour meant a woman left her appointment without being able to discuss her (very real!) concerns. Which was the purpose of the appointment. That’s not ok.

Absolutely appalling of her. But you need to see a GP about your concerns, not a midwife.

Thank you for all the replies. I didn't think I was being unreasonable but sometimes it's hard to tell.

Midwives are under a lot of pressure with cut backs and the number of women they need to see In general, I don't doubt it. Usual (nice) midwife has said to me though, that if I fancy a chat just turn up on clinic day because it's so quiet at that practice (lots of old people round here, not many pregnancies)

we all have bad days I do accept this, for all I know she could have received terrible personal news just before I walked in.

some MW who were a lot less approachable than others but then again those were probably the ones who had seen/heard it all over the years The nice midwife is the older one. I don't think age/experience is any barrier to being kind.

it must be very difficult to differentiate between the snowflakes and those with a genuine need for help? I passionately disagree with the premise of this. I work in mental health (yes, my current difficulties have caused me no end of identity crisis) and it isn't the job of any professional to decide on no evidence that the person in front of you is malingering and deserves to be treated badly.

I did not ask her for help with anxiety. I did not discuss the mood problems with her at any point. If she hadn't looked at my notes she wouldn't have known about it. And if 2 other midwives, 2 GPs, 3 consultants and 2 psychologists (that's NHS systems for you) agree that I currently have a problem with anxiety, I don't think it's her place to decide that I don't.

Final point - anxiety can be caused by anaemia.

Thanks for all the responses though, it's helping me clarify what I'm thinking/feeling. This happened a few weeks ago now and I just wanted to forget about it, but I'm also wondering if I owe it to other pregnant women to flag it up.

Definitely complain!

And it sounds like I do.

Midwives are under a lot of pressure with cut backs and the number of women they need to see so I would perhaps cut her some slack

This is just such a load of cack!

Complain Op there was no need for her to be so rude!

I would complain. Mental health in pregnancy is as important as physical health in making sure that after baby is delivered, mum is fit and well and able to cope. No midwife should be dismissive of that and no one should leave a midwife appointment feeling like they couldn't express their worries.

sorry youre having a rough time and sorry about your appointment. i would suggest either complaining or talking to your normal midwife about it. i would warn you that usually when you complain they will cover themselves and basically say "it's not written in the notes so it didn't happen" however i still think it's always worth complaining, you just have to hope that behind the scenes someone thinks about their actions and learns something (although unlikely they will ever admit to you they made a mistake).

the tiredness and anxiety could be low iron levels. this happened to me in my first pregnancy. i was SO SO tired. i also would check i had locked the back door about 6 times before leaving the house. constant going up and down stairs because i forgot stuff. breathlessness etc. might be worth checking with your normal midwife that they have checked the full iron count. i can't remember what it is put there are the base levels and then also B12 and another one that should be checked. usually they check this at 28 weeks but my iron went earlier and i had to have 6x B12 injections over 12 days and go on iron tablets.

hope you feel better soon xxx

Absolutely no excuse for this bad day or not. You should complain that attitude is terrible to have when you are working with women who may be feeling extremely vulnerable. I have never had to deal with a midwife like this they have all been lovely in my experience. I was however left in tears by the women who came to check my sons hearing after birth and I wish I’d complained.

I think you should complain about the dismissive attitude towards the anxiety and also the fact she didn't listen to your symptoms of anaemia. It is true that anxiety is a bit of a buzz word but to be so dismissive when a woman has opened up previously and is already in a vulnerable state is shocking.
On a side note maintain your relationship with the nice midwife, I'v never had one where I'v felt like they've genuinely cared aside for a few when I'v been in for monitoring of labour.

I thought of something I wanted to add. I lost a fair bot of blood recently (miscarriage, followed by a very heavy period, then followed by 5 more very heavy periods in 7 weeks). I got all the anemia symptoms that you have along with a lot of dizziness so got my iron tested. It actually came back in the normal range. My sister advised me to eat salty food and drink lots of water to increase my blood volume and it made me feel a lot better. She said although my iron was OK, I needed more blood. I was quite dehydrated too I think. Seemed to help me anyway so might be worth trying if your iron is in the normal range xxxx

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. I would definitely say you should complain if you want to.

I just wanted to add - thank you for trying to educate people about anxiety. The term 'snowflake' makes my blood boil 😡

Complain. Though I appreciate the pressure midwives are under, that cannot ever excuse treating a patient unprofessionally and making them feel this way. Theres still a job to do which even those under pressure must be able to do properly. Many of us have high pressure jobs which require us to be client facing and regulate ourselves even if times are hard. Ultimately if her behaviour is due to undue pressure on her that would no doubt be considered by her employer when spoken to - but it doesn't mean she shouldn't be pulled up on her standard of care

I work in healthcare, albeit a nurse not a midwife.

Im usually against complaining as I feel its a usually a knee jerk reaction.

HOWEVER

This is so unacceptable. No patient should ever be spoken to in this way, or made to feel like mental health is an annoyance. No matter how much pressure a healthcare professional is under, they should always be couteous to patients.

I would say go to PALS and talk about it, and have in mind an outcome. Do you want an apology? Do you want an explanation etc etc? Do you want to meet with her?

Complain. They take it seriously. I know someone who has and they were reassured and didn't see her again.

it must be very difficult to differentiate between the snowflakes and those with a genuine need for help

I'm sorry, what? You need to put the daily mail down and grow some compassion. Everyone deserves to be spoken to nicely, especially at such a nerve wracking time as pregnancy, not just "those with a genuine need for help" in your opinion.

Your whole post is problematic tbh - maybe try to put yourself in someone else's shoes before you insult practically everyone with MH problems?

She tutted at anxiety, which is classed as mental health. Who is she to roll her eyes at that? Anxiety can spiral out of control. She shouldn't be practicing with her attitude. Scaring you talking about your skin will be so stretched etc. Yes we all have off days, but her behaviour was very unprofessional in her practice of work. I'd hate to think what a Dr would say if one of us had a Dr's appointment on one of their "off" days.
Off day or not, she is in a medical profession and is there to help and assist. Not overlook things and just pass it off.