Just found out it’s a boy... irrationally worried?

[MaryH90]

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and already have a DD. We found out today that we’re having a little boy. I’m over the moon and so excited to meet our son when he arrives. However, as ridiculous as it is some of the worries I had before finding out have surfaced. It sounds silly but one of the best things about having a DD is that I can envisage having a lovely close relationship with her when she’s an adult, being with her when she has her babies, picking her wedding dress, going for days out together, sharing her excitement about her life as it moves on. I’m aware this may not happen but I hope that it will.

My only worry about having a little boy is that when he reaches adulthood he will have his own life and I’ll be lucky to see him a few times a year and receive the odd text (experience of my own brothers with my mum here, not bad people just not particularly active in terms of contact). The idea of this already breaks my heart. I realise this may just be silly pregnancy hormones but it’s really playing on my mind. I know I’m being daft so no need to tell me this but looking for some positive experiences of this from other people? Or advice as to how to get rid of these thoughts and focus on my excitement.

I’m not normally a “get a grip” sort of person but I will say it to you very gently

When my boys were babies my mind ran away with itself imagining their futures - what they might be good at, whether they’d have a family, go to university etc. But life isn’t like that and you can’t know what the future holds.

My boys are both disabled and I honestly don’t know if they’ll ever be able to talk to me at all. I don’t know if they’ll be able to ro a mainstream school, have any friends, learn to use a toilet or a spoon, ever leave home...

All of our kids are individuals and if you have expectations of them and your relationship, you’ll end up disappointed. All you can do is love them and teach them the importance of family and relationships - what happens after that is anyone’s guess!

My 2.5 year old DS is currently sitting cuddled in to me eating a snack and watching some tv. At any point in time he would much rather be cuddling me than not and my arms have been full with him since the second he was born. I never worry about him running away in shops because if he goes even as far as one aisle over I hear "mummy where are you? I can't find you" every single time! I certainly cannot imagine at this stage us ever not being close!

Also I am not close to my mum at all, call about once a week, see each other every 2 months. DH call my MIL about 3/4 times a week and before we moved away saw her at least 3 times a week.

Hormones are crazy things so you get a bit of a pass from me - but really, the relationship you have in 20 years is going to depend far more on those 20 years than what's between your baby's legs.

Why on Earth wouldn't you be able to go shopping or have lunch with your adult son, or go to a movie, or an art gallery, or Wimbledon, or help him buy a new suit? And yes, why can't your DH include your DD in his beloved hobby? Ditch the stereotypes and just see what you have in common. I read somewhere that you should play with your kids for 7 years, teach them for 7, and then befriend them - I like that way of looking at it.

Btw I have a DS, currently expecting boy/girl twins. Have no expectations that the girl and I are automatically going to be closer.