Hi there... I feel like such a head case for writing this to I don’t know who but ohhhh my gosh I am feeling super lonely. I’m only 5 weeks pregnant for the very first time, and I’ve known for a week now, but my husband is absolutely of the mindset that we can’t tell anybody before we have our scan and get the all-clear.
I feel like I’ve read enough threads and articles online to understand all my symptoms and feel halfway normal, but I don’t feel as though I really have anybody on my side apart from my hubster. And don’t get me wrong - he is an absolute angel, he’s so excited (and I think a little scared) and he’s there for me at the drop of a hat.
I know he wants to keep quiet because he’s scared it won’t work out, and he wants to plan everything to a T (we have a great Halloween reveal planned), but I am the worlds worst secret keeper. Growing up, my family shared everything - the good, the bad, the ugly. We’re huge talkers and so close with each other, so keeping this massive, life-changing event from them feels so unnatural.
I’ve got my best friend’s birthday do coming up on Saturday - it’s been planned for months... and it’s a bottomless brunch. It’s girls-only and I have insane anxiety about cancelling, or lying to their faces about being on antibiotics. I feel like they’re going to know anyway, because I was quiet at a mouse at my OTHER friend’s birthday just last Saturday. And there wasn’t even booze involved!
There’s a huge discussion at work about budgeting and resources for next year - and I can’t say anything about knowing I’m most likely not going to be there for the majority of it... it’s stressful and I’m scared for my career. (I work in marketing)
I’m all up in my head - and I have told one friend, who was there for me throughout the viscous cycle of TTC, but I know if my husband finds out I’ve told her (she has three kids!) he will be really quite annoyed.
I’m just feeling scared and alone and I haven’t a clue what to do. Also - I haven’t got an appointment with a midwife until I hit 10 weeks, so what - I’m just supposed to assume all is good with the pregnancy and that it’s just confirmed by POAS? argh.
Sorry for the rant. 