Lonely in early pregnancy ☹️

[emiliet123]

Hi there... I feel like such a head case for writing this to I don’t know who but ohhhh my gosh I am feeling super lonely. I’m only 5 weeks pregnant for the very first time, and I’ve known for a week now, but my husband is absolutely of the mindset that we can’t tell anybody before we have our scan and get the all-clear.
I feel like I’ve read enough threads and articles online to understand all my symptoms and feel halfway normal, but I don’t feel as though I really have anybody on my side apart from my hubster. And don’t get me wrong - he is an absolute angel, he’s so excited (and I think a little scared) and he’s there for me at the drop of a hat.
I know he wants to keep quiet because he’s scared it won’t work out, and he wants to plan everything to a T (we have a great Halloween reveal planned), but I am the worlds worst secret keeper. Growing up, my family shared everything - the good, the bad, the ugly. We’re huge talkers and so close with each other, so keeping this massive, life-changing event from them feels so unnatural.
I’ve got my best friend’s birthday do coming up on Saturday - it’s been planned for months... and it’s a bottomless brunch. It’s girls-only and I have insane anxiety about cancelling, or lying to their faces about being on antibiotics. I feel like they’re going to know anyway, because I was quiet at a mouse at my OTHER friend’s birthday just last Saturday. And there wasn’t even booze involved!
There’s a huge discussion at work about budgeting and resources for next year - and I can’t say anything about knowing I’m most likely not going to be there for the majority of it... it’s stressful and I’m scared for my career. (I work in marketing)
I’m all up in my head - and I have told one friend, who was there for me throughout the viscous cycle of TTC, but I know if my husband finds out I’ve told her (she has three kids!) he will be really quite annoyed.

I’m just feeling scared and alone and I haven’t a clue what to do. Also - I haven’t got an appointment with a midwife until I hit 10 weeks, so what - I’m just supposed to assume all is good with the pregnancy and that it’s just confirmed by POAS? argh.

Sorry for the rant.

Thanks @emiliet123 I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed xx

Sorry just realised that wasn’t @emiliet123 but @Kate3150 that wrote that. Thank you xx

Think we both did @RC1985 💖

I’ve just had a panic - I’ve got my Uni timetable though (I am doing my masters part-time) and the summer term starts back two weeks before my due date... anybody any ideas on whether I’m likely to be able to head out once a week to class, or if I should ask if I can do that module online? 😂 I might not have thought about all the implications of getting preggers... a bit caught up in excitement! Oooops. I’ve no idea how easy/hard it will be to get out (sitter won’t be a problem, my dad’s retired!)

@emiliet123 once you’ve had your scan, I’d discuss it with your tutor and ask their advice. You may be able to defer until you return to work. When I was at uni, someone got pregnant and they just deferred her. Most uni tutors are quite understanding with personal situations.

I’m thinking as it’s part-time, and it’s my dissertation module, that I could probably crack on as usual anyway! The course is Creative Writing, so as long as my brain is functioning, whipping out the words shouldn’t be TOO nightmarish! 😂 I also really want to graduate in 2021 with my mum, who is doing her masters at the same time - so I can’t defer! 😂

Any news on your scan @RC1985? 💖

@emiliet123 scan went well. Healthy baby with a strong heartbeat 💗 was told it was a very well behaved baby too. Only downside was the hospital car park was a nightmare, took other half 40 minutes to park so he missed the appointment 😞 and so he’s a bit peed off.

I didn’t know you could do a creative writing masters. I may consider that if I don’t do my CIM.

@RC1985- That’s wonderful news! How are you feeling? X

Yay! So pleased to hear that, do you feel a little better? 😊 your poor other half though! I can imagine mine would be raging too.

Yeah - it’s great, I’m at Manchester Met Uni, and the classes are all in the evening, so working full time whilst I do it isn’t a problem... although I think I may have piled a little too much onto my plate when you factor in the pregnancy...! 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Kate3150 thank you 😘 I feel very relieved. Although my anxiety in there had gone because I’d drank 1.5 pints as they suggested and I was literally bursting 😂 even the sonographer said god your bladder is really full. Then said you don’t need to drink that much it just gives us a clearer picture. Lesson learnt for next time!

@emiliet123 thank you and yes feel less stressed now. He ended up having a full on row with a guy in the car park for nearly reversing into our car 🙈 bad times! It’s a shame as the sonographer was willing to let us go back in but he was too late by the time he got to the waiting room.

I may look into that course and compare it to CIM.

Nightmare 🙈 have you started telling people now then? Please tell me it’s as good a feeling as i’m Hoping it will be 😂 yeah definitely look at it, i’m loving it, and so excited to start back for the new term on Monday 🎉

Hi @emiliet123 sorry for late reply. Yes told rest of family yesterday which felt good as they are excited but my dad gave me some news which wasn’t great. He’s going for an operation as he’s got a growth on his bladder so now I’m worrying about that. I think once you see baby on the screen it does help but I still think I will freak out at 20 week scan. I’m just a born worrier. Hope you’ve had a good weekend.

Hey @RC1985 sorry to hear about your Dad. But good news is that they’ve found it and can start treating it now they know what they’re dealing with. Fingers crossed for him.

I totally relate, my dad gets the results of his CT scan back today and we’re all bricking it. Wishing I could tell him, whatever news he ends up getting, hope it provides a little hope, but it could also totally backfire ☹️

@emiliet123 I told my dad before he told me his news. My step mum text me after and said it’s the best news he could have had as it’s given him something to look forward to. Fingers crossed for your dads scan too.

Cheers @RC1985 - it seems that my dad is on the mend, they’re almost sure it’s T1 diabetes. So it’s not great but it isn’t what everyone was afraid it would be! And he’ll have lots of support from us all with managing it.

I’m now on my second day off from work this week - I did go in this morning but was sent home for looking so awful. A colleague cornered me and guessed, and I didn’t even have time to think up a lie 🙈 so I’m sure all my carefully constructed fibs are going downhill! But I’m really struggling to even function, I can barely lift my head, eat, talk... it’s awful!

@emiliet123 at least your dads news isn’t as bad as you thought. That’s positive. We’re still awaiting results.

I felt bad in my first 12 weeks. Although it tended to be worse one week and slightly better the next. I went of fish and chicken. I was quite lucky as the worst weeks I was either on holiday or only worked a few days for various reasons. Sipping water helps and eating little bits often like trick tea biscuits and I craved cheese so had cheesy crisps, babybel and stuff like that. However, you might be worse than me so I’d say speak to your midwife as they can give you things and they can advise you on if you can take time off for pregnancy sickness. You might need to tell your boss now so they are aware. How many weeks are you now?

Oh @RC1985 I didn’t realise you had replied! So sorry for ignoring you 🙈

Yeah - my dad’s been diagnosed with T1 diabetes, but he’s really struggling to manage it, he’s had a couple of hypos and it’s getting him down. It’s really difficult to watch as my mum’s trying to work full time and be his carer - I can’t help as much as I’d like to either. 😫

I’m 10+1 now, sickness has been absolutely debilitating, I’ve cried almost every day and I asked my husband this morning if he’d just mind carrying the baby for a few weeks because I need a break 😂 if only we could do that! We’re waiting for our scan appointment to arrive in the post this week, so I’m feeling extremely impatient in addition to being an absolute shell of the woman I once was 🤣 As the weeks have gone on, more people have twigged, because I’m really not myself... including... my sister, my best friend, the landlady at my local gin bar, every single soul at work and I THINK my mum, although she’s far too kind to ask me directly. She’s stopped offering me wine when I go round and she’s been checking in on me lots! Haha. I can’t wait for these next couple of weeks to be over. I’m getting a little round belly now - I don’t think it’s quite a bump, but it’s definitely something!

Had my booking appointment last Friday, I was so anxious that she’d tell me I wasn’t actually pregnant (weird, I know) that I did a test in the morning - the positive line came up before the control line so I definitely had nothing to worry about!

I hope everything is going okay with you, and it’s a little less lonely now that you’re out of the woods/the 12 week taboo! Sending lots of love your way x

@emilet123 no worries. Sounds like you’ve not been feeling great with your morning sickness. It does pass for most people. I only really feel sick if I don’t eat regularly now. Like every 2 hours lol. I told my mum about 10 weeks and it felt better. I am also showing now so it’s getting harder to hide it from people I haven’t told yet.

Sorry your dad isn’t finding it easy. I hope it does get easier for him. My dad has his operation tomorrow and thankfully it’s not spread anywhere else.

I’m ok, still get worried about everything. I kind of feel better after each appointment then start to feel anxious again. I’m waiting for 20 week scan now and just feel like I’m going to be told there’s a problem. People who say pregnancy is enjoyable are not living on planet earth lol!

It’s been so bad - I can’t focus on anything for longer than ten minutes, and I’ve lost half a stone so far, with no signs of improving 😩 everyone keeps saying it will stop between 12 and 14 weeks, but I’m terrified it won’t, because I can’t imagine another six months of feeling like this - my mental wellbeing is hanging by a very very thin thread!

Glad both our dads are on the mend - or at least, on the right path now!

So how many weeks are you now? Will you be finding out the sex if you can? 😁 omg I could not agree more - where is my pregnancy glow?! I thought this was supposed to be magical? So far I just want to curl up in bed for 16 out of 24 hours and sleep until this baby is ready to pop!

OP I feel for you. I feel incredibly lonely. My husband hasn't really reacted as supportively as I'd have liked even though it was a planned pregnancy. He's just been carrying on life as normal as if nothings Happened and no acknowledgment for me or the pregnancy really.

I'm quite sad. I told him to do one when he tried to tell me not to mention it to anyone. I decided while the baby is inside of me I have priority over decisions until the baby comes out. Might sound a bit unfair but it's my body being affected so I need support which he isn't giving me so I told my family. Up to you how you play it but I think I'd put my foot down if I really wanted to tell at least immediate family.

Good luck OP, you're not alone I'm with you! X

Ohhhhh @Hey1256 sorry to hear you’re feeling it too, it’s the pits 😩 has your husband done ANY reading on what you’re going through? Mine bought a book called “pregnancy for men” and he reads the week ahead every Sunday, so he’s got an idea of what’s happening to my body and all the things I’m feeling. It’s probably because he can’t see/feel anything that you’re going through yet, so he doesn’t quite believe it! Give him a kick up the arse and use “I am growing a human inside me so stfu and do what I say” as often as possible 😉

😂 Well done to you for sharing the news the way you wanted to - I’m still keeping schtum because my husband wants to wait for the scan. I want to get a private scan but he’s being a 🍆 about it. I really want everything to be a joint decision but at the moment it just feels like I’m compromising to whatever he wants. I had a huge, huge cry in bed last night - I’m talking hyperventilating, sobbing, yelling - about how unhappy and alone I am... he said ALL the right things... except what I wanted him to say, which was “right, let’s book a scan so we can tell the world and you don’t have to hide any more”. He did cheer me up though.

It’s just so frustrating - the things I love doing are impossible at the moment: going for a run (too sick and tired), relaxing in the jacuzzi/steam room/sauna (not good for baby), seeing my friends (I can’t concentrate because all I think about is this big secret), making and eating delicious food (everything is unappealing), going to the gym (too ill), reading (can’t focus), getting a spa treatment (too expensive and also I worry about whether they’re qualified for pregnancy massage), having sex (too sick), and all I get from husband is “you’re doing so well”. I’m not doing well at all, I’m falling to pieces and he can’t fix any of it because all anyone will say is “it will pass after the first trimester” 😭

I’m literally the worst version of myself at the moment and I really really hate getting up every morning to go through the same shit. I even hate going to sleep because it means that tomorrow will come around even faster and I have to do it over again. I’m in such a bad place at the moment, I feel like I’m purely existing and not actually living. I’m holding onto the thought that it will pass, and I honestly cannot wait for my little spud to arrive, but I have nothing to be excited about day-to-day 😩

@emiliet123 he has not read anything. Not a single thing. I asked him to Download pregnancy for men he hasn't listened to it. He also was reluctant to come to the scan. He said he'll become interested when the baby arrives, until then he doesn't see what there is to be interested in? In the same way I'm not interested when he researches DIY around the house I'm only bothered about the finished product. He's been a bit of a disappointment to be honest and let's hope it doesn't get worse I tell you.

Anyway, I totally feel for you I've had to work from home this week because I constantly feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. Like you I'm well into fitness but haven't been for a week just can't find the energy. Also, not looking forward to social functions I just feel like I'm 'existing'. Every day that goes by feels like a week. But despite all of this I think back to when I wasn't pregnant and life seemed very same, droney so I still wouldn't change it for the world as now I feel there's purpose if that makes sense.

I don't understand why your DH won't let you tell people though it really doesnt matter IMO. I also don't think people care as much as you think they do, not because they're nasty lol but I just don't think it's as big a thing to others as it is to you if that makes sense. I wish you luck with sharing the news anyway when you decide to xx

Just to add he's been working long hours and is stressed with I understand but he hardly ever cooks, never offers me a cup of tea will just make one for himself. I'm very annoyed atm. Maybe it's my hormones

Ohhhh no that’s not hormones. I’d be raging at hubs making a solitary brew, pregnant or not. Such a strange thing for him to say, that he’s not interested until the baby comes. Maybe give him the DIY project of putting a nursery together if he’s into that kind of thing? i can’t believe everything our bodies do to literally BUILD A HUMAN 😂

Yeah - I’m the same, life was same old same old, but at least I had my pals and hobbies to keep me cheery! To be honest, even if I told everyone now, I’d still feel antisocial and like death all the time, so I guess it doesn’t matter!

Yes - people don’t care as much as you think they will. It’s not their life, so why should they?! Haha.

Awww well I hope your husband pulls it out the bag soon, maybe he just needs his head wobbling a bit 😂 xx

Bit of an update - managed to bring my scan forward to next Wednesday! I’ll be 11+3, so it’s a little bit early, but I couldn’t make the appointment they gave me - I was due to be in London with work! 🙈 but I’m glad it’s sooner rather than later. I can crack on with my life now! 😂

Sickness was intense this morning, I’m on my way into work and I just feel so sick and teary 😭