Perineal massage - WTF?!

[frsttimemama]

Hello,

35+6 today with baby no.1

I am scared s**tless of tearing and upon diving into the wonders of the internet, I came across perineal massage. When I decided to get everything I needed for my hospital bag, in one swift Amazon haul, I saw perineal massage oil and purchased it, deciding I would give it a go when I was far enough along.

Well.

I tried following all of the online 'how to' guides and YouTube videos but, WTAF!??

Am I the only person who just doesn't get it!?

For one, I found it really difficult to reach. Secondly, either I'm dumb or the instructions I was following were total bollocks because, I have no idea if I was doing it right or what. I could only really reach with one hand. I would be VERY impressed if any woman can reach in there, thumbs down with both hands at this stage of their pregnancy!!

A lot of the guides suggested you can ask a partner for help but, as close as DP and I are, I think he would find it really uncomfortable. Not because, we aren't comfortable with one another (we have been together for 8 years) but, I think he would struggle with touching me in that way, without it being sexual. It is a very strange request I suppose! Have any of you had assistance from DP with this?

Help please! Am I doing it wrong? Can anyone give a clearer instruction or better yet, an alternative?

Thanks in advance Mumsnetters! x

It's definitely not the easiest position to get into. I found sat with legs apart and knees bent the most comfortable, then both hands under your belly and you use both thumbs to gently stretch/massage for a couple of minutes.

Thanks @TequilaMockingbird0, I'll try again tonight. It may just be something that comes with practice!

Did you find it helped?

I really need to give this a go at 36 weeks already.
Try not to worry yourself too much over tearing though. I had a 3b tear last time (means I tore right through to the muscle of my rectum, but not quite all the way through) and it wasn't the end of the world. I healed well and it was manageable.

I’d have the convo with DP. Your body is about to do an amazing thing and you might want to give him an opportunity to get more involved. And can’t it be loving and sexual and relaxing if that’s how it goes?

This is so worth doing. I did it both times and didn't tear or need cutting. It's great stuff. I put it all over on the outside and inside.

@Frizzy1986, Oh you poor thing! Made me feel a bit faint haha , Thank you though, I appreciate your reply!

@Herocomplex, good point! He doesn't actually know I ventured into this last night, he was downstairs watching TV totally oblivious! I will have a chat with him when I get home.

Beautiful3 Thank you for your reply. I will persevere! Did you do the whole process or can you just apply it to the area like lotion?

@frsttimemama I started at 34 weeks and went into labour early a week later so unfortunately didn't have enough time to see if it helped! I had an episiotomy but did heal really quickly from it so maybe even the weeks worth helped after all!

I'm due soon with number 2 and have been neglecting the massage, need to really get on it and hope this time it's enough!

Honestly I think perineal massage is bollocks.

People generally tear because baby is coming to fast, or in a funny position.

People generally need cutting as baby is coming a bit too slow, and needs a bit more room.

No amount of rubbing coconut oil into your fanny will prevent either of these things. I religiously did it, and I needed a cut as baby was very slow coming out. I wish I hadn’t bothered as it was uncomfortable and a waste of time.

There will always be people who say “I did it and didn’t tear or need a cut!” But who knows whether the massage had anything to do with it? They probably would have had straightforward labours either way.

The stretchiness of your perineum has very little to do with anything IMO. Save your time and comfort.

Never used oil and never had a stitch /tear.
Relax and breath - and honestly try and accept the pain and enjoy your labour.
First labour I worried if the pain level was normal or a sign something was wrong. Next births head was much better prepared - more important than fanjo prep ime!!

Have to agree with batman. Sorry op! It can't hurt and hopefully it helps you. But don't stress yourself over it too much, if it happens, it happens.

I did it and unfortunately for me a giant baby firing out in 2.5 hours of labour and an arm trapped above his head resulted in a complete tear. When I was in theatre afterwards having my fanny out back together the surgical nurses were laughing at my "stupid fanny stretching" rants.

Put* back together!!

I tried once but it was ridiculous. Couldn’t reach. Ended up being cut as she was stuck. Not sure massage would have stopped that

Found it really useful and would do it again. My OH did it for me and whilst awkward, to be honest I knew he’d see a lot worse come delivery day. Also I didn’t think I’d be able to reach! lol.

We used olive oil.

No amount of rubbing coconut oil into your fanny will prevent either of these things.

When I was in theatre afterwards having my fanny out back together the surgical nurses were laughing at my "stupid fanny stretching" rants

These responses really tickled me

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond.

As much as I am worried about tearing and recovery afterwards, I am actually really quite looking forward to the birth. (My already-mum friends think this is hilarious) I know it's going to bloody hurt but, my plan to stay as calm/quiet as possible and I've told DP that if I start screaming, he has my permission to slap me!

However...This is baby no 1 and so I appreciate that I may be completely delusional and turn into a raging psychopath as soon as my contractions start.

Either way, 6 years of TTC and one MC later, this baby will be worth it!!

Good luck op! As you say, either way it's definitely worth it You're going in with the right mindset and that's all the prep that you can do really.

Good luck! It will be worth it. And honestly, even if you do need a small cut or tear a bit, it’s really not that bad. My cut healed really quickly and didn’t give me much bother at all. And you’ll be so engrossed in your gorgeous new baby you won’t even be thinking about the stitches in your fanjo!

Im confused- is it that difficult? Aren't you just trying to gently push on/stretch it daily with your fingers?

@littlegrulalaa @BatmanLovesTheCircus Thank you!!

Leleophants It's not the gently pushing that's difficult... It's reaching it, when you have a bump the size of a newborn elephant in the way!

DP did this for me. I have to say it wasn't sexy in the least as it was actually quite uncomfortable and not arousing for either of us! I couldn't reach it myself at all - my bump was massive and I had bad pelvic pain.

But no idea if it would have worked as has to have an emergency section, so my stretchy perineum was all in vain.

I got my H to do it for me. Most unsexy thing ever and ended up having a planned c-section so a waste of time anyway!

Following with interest as we're discussing this at my neonatal class next week and I've read that it helps a lot as well. Haven't tried it yet, first time mum here as well, and tomorrow I'll be 34 weeks so probably should get on it soon!

I really think it's nonsense. So if you rubbed your arm (say) with oil every day it would suddenly become more stretchy? Come on.

FWIW I've had two babies, never rubbed my perenium in my life. DS1 I needed an episiotomy because he was in distress and had to speed up the birth, but it was fine and really not that problematic. DS2 was a bigger baby (with a giant head) and I didn't year or anything at all. It just depends. I can't see me massaging my bits this time either!

@frsttimemama that’s not an impossible dream. I didn’t scream or shout, I just did my breathing exercises. Of course it hurts but I found it ok

I didn’t consider doing it myself, I couldn’t imagine reaching!
Dh did it, must’ve worked as I had no stitches!