Perineal massage - WTF?!

[frsttimemama]

Hello,

35+6 today with baby no.1

I am scared s**tless of tearing and upon diving into the wonders of the internet, I came across perineal massage. When I decided to get everything I needed for my hospital bag, in one swift Amazon haul, I saw perineal massage oil and purchased it, deciding I would give it a go when I was far enough along.

Well.

I tried following all of the online 'how to' guides and YouTube videos but, WTAF!??

Am I the only person who just doesn't get it!?

For one, I found it really difficult to reach. Secondly, either I'm dumb or the instructions I was following were total bollocks because, I have no idea if I was doing it right or what. I could only really reach with one hand. I would be VERY impressed if any woman can reach in there, thumbs down with both hands at this stage of their pregnancy!!

A lot of the guides suggested you can ask a partner for help but, as close as DP and I are, I think he would find it really uncomfortable. Not because, we aren't comfortable with one another (we have been together for 8 years) but, I think he would struggle with touching me in that way, without it being sexual. It is a very strange request I suppose! Have any of you had assistance from DP with this?

Help please! Am I doing it wrong? Can anyone give a clearer instruction or better yet, an alternative?

Thanks in advance Mumsnetters! x

I tore with a 9 lber and also with an 8lber but not with an almost 11lb one and I believe this was because the head was delivered slowly, my contractions stopped after the head came out for a few minutes and he was delivered slowly 🤷🏼‍♀️
I didn't do any massage

I massaged religiously from 13 weeks and still somehow tore. By all means go for it but just know that some things are just out of our hands.

Good luck and please don't be put off by me, I'm sure I was just unlucky!

Tearing really isn’t anything to worry about. You don’t actually feel the tear happening, the stitches don’t hurt because your fanny is already on fire and it all heals really quickly

Midwife here and perineal massage has really good evidence behind it and has been shown to reduce the severity of tearing. Jury is out as to whether it stops tearing but a 1st or 2nd degree tear is better than a 3rd.

Most women I come across that do it have their partner help as it’s not the easiest thing to do.

Here’s the Cochrane review (basically a summary of all the various studies in one) on the benefits if you fancy some bedtime reading.

www.cochrane.org/CD005123/PREG_antenatal-perineal-massage-for-reducing-perineal-trauma

DH did mine for me with almond oil. I spent the last few months of my pregnancy with a fanny that smelled like a cherry Bakewell, and I still needed stitches.

I literally just rubbed it on like an oily lotion all round the outside and used two fingers to apply it inside quickly. Every night from 5 months onwards.

Whether it works or not, seems worth a try. My DP will be doing it for me.

I only recently heard about this phenomenon. What oil would you recommend?

Got mine from mothercare.

I didn’t use an oil, and would just do it in the bath. The oil is only really to make it more comfortable. Anything slippery will do lol

I’ve been giving it a go but slightly different that the instructions, as like you I struggle to reach. My method is in a nice hot bath, reaching round from behind, inserting 1 finger (I’m up to 2 now but started with 1) and pulled the perinum back (towards rectum), it’s uncomfortable but doesn’t hurt. I held this initially for a minute at a time and did it about 3 times during my bath. I’m now able to do it with 2 fingers and hold for 3 mins a time. This isn’t the way I found to do it by tutorial but the fact that it’s got easier means the perineum must be stretched somewhat, so I’m confident that it will help - and really, I couldn’t do it the “conventional” way and anytime I recruited DH to help we ended up getting down to it.. not a total shame but also doesn’t meet the objective of the exercise.

I’m 40 weeks now (been doing this once or twice - as in 1 or 2 bath time sessions, each with 3 goes at the stretching - a week since 36 weeks) and haven’t yet delivered so I can’t tell you if my method will reduce tears, but I do feel like I’ve done something to stretch it out a bit.

Good luck

38 weeks. Got the oil. Can’t reach - spent about ten minutes trying but probably resembled a tortoise that had been flipped on its back 😂 husband has been told he is on ‘gardening’ duties for me soon with due date approaching as I haven’t been down there in a while - I think if I ask him to do this too he may freak out but I wanted to give it a try 😂😂

@ReadytoPop6, that's really helpful. Thank you!!

@frsttimemama only way I managed it!

I’ve had DH doing it for me - on the understanding that he’d experience my full pregnant rage if he considered it foreplay! What I’ve found useful is experiencing the feeling of stretching, and learning to breathe and relax the muscle rather than tensing. I’m not sure I’ve got stretchier, but I do think getting used to the sensation has been useful. 38+5 today so I’ll find out soon!

Out of interest how long is everyone managing the massage for? I've read you should be aiming for 2 mins and building up to 5. I've finally found a position I'm able to do the massage (sat on the toilet with my feet up on the bathroom bin if that helps anyone else) but I can't seem to do it for longer than a minute, not because of any major discomfort but just back pains/tiredness etc.

I did it with my first and only had interval tearing which was minimal and fine, doing it again now as 34weeks pregnant. No way I could’ve done it myself though, my DH did it both times. Fine and v unsexy but we had a giggle in the end…

*internal

I had all the info, set myself up to do it the first them, then had this "Are you fucking kidding?!" realisation and didn't bother. Two babies, some tearing both times, healed just fine with no pain or lasting issues. It's OK to opt out!

I also agree it’s a faff and a waste of time. I had an episiotomy, but have heard anecdotally that tearing naturally is really not anything to worry about (talking smaller tears here). If baby is coming fast or awkwardly, no amount of oil will help you to not tear from the research I’ve done. I even read somewhere it can make you more likely to tear because you are overworking the skin and muscle.

Anyway, on the keeping quiet note, just remember that some people are quiet labourers and some people need to scream. It can be cathartic and a way to expel energy in a positive way. So don’t get your husband to slap you if you’re loud. Quiet isn’t necessarily right for everyone! Focused breathing etc, yes, but quiet, not necessarily. I’ve heard of women who were genuinely disappointed in themselves after birth because they had been led to believe from various courses that a quiet birth is the only way to do it ‘right’. Utter nonsense!

I’ve done it both times. Episiotomy needed with the first but only grazes with the second. DH helped both times- he was fairly apprehensive about it but I didn’t care and told him it was his child I was pushing out and he needed to help out if he could!

Zombie thread folks.

@BlackeyedPetitsPois

Zombie thread folks.

Ugh well spotted. These are so annoying.