Gender (sex) disappointment

[HopefulFor2020]

Yes, I know it's sex not gender and I am usually one of those who correct people before I can stop myself but I think the accepted term is 'gender disappointment'.

Anyway....

Currently 7 weeks pregnant and DP and I both definitely have a preference on sex (the same for both of us). I feel bloody awful about this, I'm terrified that we'll find out the sex and we'll be horrifically disappointed. Certainly not to the point of terminating or anything drastic like that but I am worried that because our preference is so strong it might affect our bond with the baby.

DP has 2 dcs from a previous relationship and I have 1 so this will be our first together and definitely our last.

Does anyone have any experience of 'gender disappointment' and positive experiences?

I had this with my son. I really wanted a daughter (I already had one and thought it would be easier having another with hand me down etc). When I found out at 20 weeks I was having a son I was devastated, I thought about putting him up for adoption, worried about how I would bond with him.
As soon as he was born all that went away and I have a better relationship with him than I do with his sister.

Gosh people are so harsh on these threads.

99.9% of us have a preference....but only about 10% of us will actually admit it. I know of many who blatantly lie and say they've no preference and later admit that they were desperate for a certain gender. It's ok to have a preference, doesn't make you any less grateful for your blessing.

I personally would find out the gender soon as you can in case it's not your preferred sex. Dealing with the slight disappointment now rather than when baby arrives might be easier?

Hope you get your wish! I too had a strong preference and I was a little disappointed when I was told we'd be having the opposite of what we'd wanted but the disappointment honestly evaporated within seconds of finding out (at 28 week scan)

99.9% of us have a preference....but only about 10% of us will actually admit it

I must be the 0.1% because I genuinely, honestly didn’t have a preference with any of mine. If I had a strong preference either way I don’t think I would have TTC, as there would have been a 50% chance I’d have been disappointed!
I have two of one sex and one of another. I think three of either sex would also have been fab, or the opposite way round to what I’ve got. They’re all amazing

I would find out.

I found out at 20 weeks that I was having a boy (7 weeks ago now). I initially really wanted a daughter, I have always imagined having one and think this will be the only child I have due to my age and circumstances (single mum).

From quite early on I imagined having a boy, partly to prepare myself if that was the case and also everyone - literally everyone from
my SIL's mother to the man who runs the local corner shop - was certain I was.

By the time I actually got to the 20 week scan I had really come to feel that the baby was a boy and realized I was going to be a bit disappointed if it wasn't! In the end, there was a small pang of what if, but to be honest I think I would have had the same about the idea of never having a son if it was a girl.

I do think that as time goes on in the pregnancy you become more attached to the baby and love it whatever gender it is. And there are really advantages either way! I'm looking forward to raising an awesome man who's a feminist and loves his mum now :)))

I had daughter followed by a son. When I first became pregnant I wasn't bothered what sex I was having and the second time I thought I would probably have another girl because girls run in my family. When I went for a scan at 33 weeks I was asked if I wanted to know what sex my baby was because you weren't told a few years ago. They then showed me my baby's genitals and it was obvious it was a boy. I was surprised and the only thing I thought was that I would have to paint the baby room an appropriate colour (because it was pink) and throw out all the dresses I had been saving for my expected baby girl. Everyone told me I was lucky to have one of each but I felt lucky to be having a healthy baby. I even picked my babies name which was Alexander to go with his sisters name which was Olivia.

Oh do grow up!!!

One thing I have noticed is that there are more girls clothes to choose from than boys. If I was a manufacturer I would see the gap in the market and start to think about a wider selection for boys. When I shopped for my daughter she always ended up with more clothes than my son and even now if I see any nice boys clothes I grab them quick because they won't be there for long. I now shop for my little grandson and love getting him colorful clothes.

Just think some people cant have any children no matter the sex. Your very lucky and youl love that baby no matter what. End of the day girl or boy they all are amazing. I'd try not to get hung up on it.

I honestly didn't care for my first DC... now my child is here I find myself wanting another of the same sex. I imagine and assume that a pair of the same sex have more of a chance of being close in the future. Sharing toys / clothes (baby stuff handed down) / rooms / holidays in their teen years / bunking up in uni rooms or flat shares when visiting eachother.
Most same sex sibling pairs I personally know have remained close (some tricky teen years perhaps!) and see eachother much more frequently than opposite sex siblings.
My partner is incredibly close to his sister but he wouldn't go and sleep over her house / go on a night out just the pair of them.
I'm fully prepared this is my own narrow / ignorant view!

I don't think there's any shame in having a preference OP. I was one of 3 girls and felt strongly that I would prefer a daughter. I felt very upset at times during pregnancy because like you I worried that I'd somehow end up feeling disappointed. We didn't find out before the birth and I have a beautiful 22mo DS who I couldn't love any more if I tried.

We're now TTC number 2 (who will definitely be our last child as DH is adamant he doesn't want more than 2 children). I definitely have the same feeling of longing for a daughter and being scared of never having one, I've accepted I always will. But equally I know from DS that once they're here I'll love them for who they are and be so grateful to have them. Xx

This was me. Had the opposite and bonded fine. Did find out at 11 weeks which made big difference as had chance to readjust my mind and bonded super well and got excited buying all the clothes etc.

I did have a preference with DC1 (I couldn't help it!) and i was very lucky that baby ended up being my preference!

Multiple miscarriages 2 ruptured ectopics and now permanently infertile I can genuinely say I have no preference going into IVF about what we have this time if we are lucky enough for it to work I just really want DC1 to have a sibling

I’ve never had a preference (I have 3 DC), but I understand that some people do.
However the phrase ‘horrifically disappointed’ is awful

Exactly what I was getting at!

Fine to have a preference, but I don't understand being depressed about it.

I've always wanted a girl, my husband however wasn't bothered as long as it was healthy that's all that mattered (which I agreed with).

I was convinced I was having a boy (husbands parents had two boys and so did his brother) so I decided to found out at the 20 week scan so that if it was a boy I had a while to come to terms with the news.

I can tell you now that once they gave the baby the once over and made sure it was healthy, I did not care what I was carrying, I burst into tears at seeing it's little feet.

Turns out I am expecting a little girl, but do you know what as explained above when I saw her little feet before we found what she was I wasn't bothered, all I knew at that time was that I loved whatever it was inside of me.

Yes. When I was expecting my first I set my heart on having a boy. When the sonographer told me it was a girl I was upset. Now my daughter is nearly 7, I am 14 weeks pregnant and I am really hoping for another girl! As soon as she was born I couldn’t imagine ever having a boy. It’s strange how you end up loving what you have regardless.

@minxlynx you thouhy about putting him up for adoption ?
God people are weird !!

can't comment much but i had a preference for DC1 and DC2. Husband (and his family) had the opposite preference. I've 'won' both times :D
He loves DC1 to death. (DC2 is still on its way, but he's warmed to the idea already.)

We found out at the 20-week scan, it wasn't even a question to wait until the birth.

I guess it's all down to you and your partner - and how you think you'll deal with it if it's not what you're hoping for.
Will finding out early give you more time to adjust and look forward to the baby? Or would finding out at birth be better, when you're exhausted and just glad everything's (hopefully) went well and you have one happy health baby together?
And would you feel anxious about not finding out until the birth if it did turn out to be your preferred sex?