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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnancy & Depression

57 replies

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 20:55

I'm a long time poster but nced as this could be outing

Me and OH have a 20month old little boy and in 37 weeks and have spd and I'm in a lot of pain and i can't even pick son up or get on the floor to play with him

OH is depressed and all he wants to do is stay in bed and doesn't want to anything.

He is a brilliant dad usually but I'm really struggling.

This weekend he hasn't even ate much. On Saturday a baby biscuit that son gave him, yesterday he had 1 little square of sandwich and a slice of apple which once again son shared with him and today a few bites of toast this morning.

He told me yesterday he would probably commit suicide if it wasn't for son and this baby.

Any advice much appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 21:44

Anyone?

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AmIRightOrAMeringue · 26/08/2019 21:48

Is he getting help? On medication?

Thesearmsofmine · 26/08/2019 21:50

He needs to see someone and get help.

Napqueen1234 · 26/08/2019 21:50

I’m so sorry to hear that it must be incredibly difficult. Do you have any family that could support you all now/when the newborn arrives? Your DH needs support for his mental health. Will he see his GP? Talk to him about his suicidal feelings (there no evidence talking to someone makes them any more likely to do it). Does he have set plans? Has he tried it before? You can call the police who can take him to a place of safety to be sectioned if you have reason to think he will imminently kill himself. Otherwise encourage to speak to Samaritans? Mind? Please seek help and inform your midwife too x

Wolfiefan · 26/08/2019 21:52

Your OH needs to seek professional help ASAP. You’re not responsible for his MH or making him eat.
Do you have friends or family who could support you right now?

AnotherEmma · 26/08/2019 21:53

Um this isn't about pregnancy or DC is it? This is mainly about coping with a suicidally depressed partner (while you are also pregnant with a DC).

Obviously he needs professional help. You must insist that he visits the GP and follows their advice - probably antidepressants.

Do you have any close family and/or friends who can help YOU? You clearly can't count on your partner atm and you really do need someone who can help in the weeks and months to come. You can't do it all yourself.

Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 22:03

He did have a counsellor when he attempted suicide before but he stopped going because he was in a better place.

He won't go to gp as I told him to go tomorrow

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Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 22:08

No close family as I moved to live with OH and I have a friend but she is single and has 3 DC. And she's away on holiday atm

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Wolfiefan · 26/08/2019 22:09

He needs to go. It’s not optional. Can you call and request a home visit or get him to A and E if he’s actually suicidal? Any of his friends or family around who can help?
You can’t make this ok for him. And shit and scary as it is he MUST seek help. Not just for him but for you and the kids too.
He likely needs far more than a few sessions with a counsellor.
And besides that. YOU need help. Can you call a friend or family member? Is there anywhere you could stay if you need to?

AnotherEmma · 26/08/2019 22:23

Refusing to get help is unacceptable. He has a child and a pregnant partner.

In your position I would give him an ultimatum: you visit the GP tomorrow and start taking antidepressants, or I leave (take DC and stay with family for a bit).

Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 22:23

He refused everything last time as well (we were together but we were still living with parents and had only just got together).

His family aren't interested (thinks he attempted suicide for attention and don't believe he is depressed).

He has friends but he doesn't want to talk to them or message them.

I don't want to move anywhere because he said he would've committed suicide if it wasn't for son or this baby. I feel like he would. Because he would feel like I've abandoned him as well

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AnotherEmma · 26/08/2019 22:26

Was the first suicide attempt before or after you got pregnant with your first child?

This is not helpful I know but I'm wondering why you decided to stay and have children with someone who refused to get proper treatment for suicidal depression?

He will drag you and your children down with him if you are not prepared to walk away.

Please please save yourself for your children's sake if not your own.

TriciaH87 · 26/08/2019 22:28

I think you need to be deceptive here. Phone the surgery tell them your concerns ask for a home visit. Failing that make him an appointment and then tell him something is wrong baby has not moved a lot today say you called doctors and they suggest you go to surgery for check up with midwife. Ask him to come say your scared to go alone. This way you get him there and by time he knows its for him it's too late.

Heartburn888 · 26/08/2019 22:29

I’d ring Samaritans to ask for advice or encourage him to email them. My partner had a terrible time of feeling suicidal not so long back and he was emailing them which I guess helped as he couldn’t find the words physically. He’s in a much better place now albeit not 100% but the thoughts have gone (to my knowledge) which is great.

Hope you and your partner manage to work through things but he defiantly needs the help.

Goodlookingcreature · 26/08/2019 22:30

Listen to me. You are responsible for you; your unborn child and your baby son. Any choice another grown person makes is their choice and solely their choice. You are not, nor never will be, responsible for another grown adult. I am inclined to say that what he’s doing is abusive, whether he intends it to be or not.

If he’s telling you he would kill himself, only for, he clearly knows he needs help and if he chooses not to avail of Help then you must help yourself. That is not a safe or healthy place to bring a new baby into.

Wolfiefan · 26/08/2019 22:33

It’s not your place to save or cure him. You need support and can’t solve his issues. If he won’t step up and seek help then you may need to stay with family for your own sake.

Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 22:43

The first attempt was before I got pregnant with son but he was doing much better when I was pregnant and when son was born. Up until he was 17/18 months that's when his MH started declining but this weekend it's Been terrible.

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Kanga83 · 26/08/2019 22:43

I have been in a similar situation once my second was born that week. I called the GP sobbing and they sent out a GP to see my husband within an hour and a half. On the back of that he was referred to the Crisis team who he checked in with for a couple of months . He's on two lots of medications. Do call for him but also remember you need to put yourself first for your health and that of your dc.

Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 22:56

I'll call gp tomorrow. I don't know if he will talk to them though if they do a home visit or if he will actually go if they don't.

I am just so worried about him 😕

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Hello1231 · 26/08/2019 23:00

Sorry to hear this OP, I do empathise and have been through similar. I agree with others who say that he needs to seek help both for himself and for you and your children. I know mental health isn't easy, and it's not his fault, but it's a lot of pressure on you, and stress. For him as well it's no standard of living, and theres only so much support family can give before someone needs professional help. If you are concerned he may be a danger to himself you can phone as an emergency, or if you think there is any way he would speak to a GP through a home visit that would be even better.

Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 23:10

I know it's not his fault

I don't know if he would talk to gp even if it was a home visit

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Mikeymoo12 · 26/08/2019 23:10

Does he have a cpn nurse you can contact? It may also be worth contacting the crisis team as it sounds like he is very much in a mental health crisis. Getting help for him is also better for you, you have so much to deal with at the moment and you cannot do this all by yourself. I do hope you are all okay ❤

Original poster

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 23:32

I've told him to email samaritans but he said no he doesn't want to speak to anyone

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Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 07:50

It sounds like he needs pysch intervention and help. Please contact the crisis team today their number should be available even if you Google crisis team in your area and tell the situation and explain there is considerable risk of suicide. When someone is clinically depressed they will not seek help imagine a dark cloud hanging over you and stopping you from doing anything. The best way to help him and yourself is the ask for psychiatric intervention

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 08:45

Tried to get a home visit or appointment with gp and apparently they can't give appointments if your not the person it's for if they are over 18 and no SN and the receptionist was quite rude.

Will try the crisis team now

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