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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnancy & Depression

57 replies

CornyKitty · 26/08/2019 20:55

I'm a long time poster but nced as this could be outing

Me and OH have a 20month old little boy and in 37 weeks and have spd and I'm in a lot of pain and i can't even pick son up or get on the floor to play with him

OH is depressed and all he wants to do is stay in bed and doesn't want to anything.

He is a brilliant dad usually but I'm really struggling.

This weekend he hasn't even ate much. On Saturday a baby biscuit that son gave him, yesterday he had 1 little square of sandwich and a slice of apple which once again son shared with him and today a few bites of toast this morning.

He told me yesterday he would probably commit suicide if it wasn't for son and this baby.

Any advice much appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Wolfiefan · 27/08/2019 09:23

If you really can’t get anyone to see him or him to take any action then you need to get yourself away from this situation. He’s responsible for his own mental health. Not you. You can’t afford to be dragged under by the stress when you have a child on the way. And yes I have suffered with MH issues.

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 09:26

Hopefully the crisis team will be able to come out and assess. They won't expect it to be the patient themself either they will know it'll be a relative ringing. I do hope you get all the help you both need

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 11:53

The crisis team said they will call me back soon.

He's playing with son now but I can tell he doesn't want to but he can't say no to son as he wouldn't understand.

OP posts:

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 18:43

I hope they got back to you op and you have got the help you needed

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 19:09

They called me back and they came to see him but he wouldn't speak to them and said he was 'fine'.

OP posts:

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 19:11

Did they just accept that?

Wolfiefan · 27/08/2019 20:00

Honestly OP this isn’t down to you. If he won’t do anything to get better can you stay with friends or family for a bit. Or can he move out until he gets help?

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 20:16

They didn't accept that. They prescribed him some antidepressants

OP posts:

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 20:19

That is positive they have listened. Have you spoken to your midwife for extra support for yourself as this is obviously not an ideal situation for you all to be in

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 20:43

I've got a midwife appointment tomorrow morning so will tell her then.

He said earlier that he doesn't deserve to be a dad and he's worthless.

OP posts:

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 20:45

Oh op that's heart breaking for you to hear that. Are the crisis team coming back? It certainly sounds like they should be. Please tell your midwife I hope she can offer some support, are there any family that could come stay with you?

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 20:55

Yes they will come back to see how he's getting on

No family unfortunately as they are far away and my sister can't have stay now for when I go into labour as she was going to have son.

OP posts:

Hello1231 · 27/08/2019 20:59

I agree with others to let the midwife know in the morning and see what support they can offer. It's so hard with mental health isn't it, and the thresholds are so particular for various routes of support. I really hope he can access some help though for your sake as well.

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 21:21

Just been googling the medication he's been prescribed and it says it takes 4+ weeks to work.

Baby is due in 3 weeks but could be earlier or could go over. But will probably be early as son was.

Was hoping he would be a bit better than he is now.

OP posts:

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 21:38

Do you know when the crisis team will be back? As it could be he needs more in depth support than this which could even be an inpatient stay. I really feel for you op as you must feel very alone right now. I hope the midwife can give more support for you and your son. Is your sister aware of what is going on? When you say his family think he is an attention seeker do they not want to help with his children though no matter what they may think of him and I certainly don't think he is an attention seeker

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 21:55

I think they will be back next week or the week after not sure though

When he told his family I was pregnant with son they didn't seem interested. So OH told them he will do it without them and they haven't met son except his twin brother once or twice and once son was about a month and the other time he was about 3/4 months.

And OH doesn't speak to his family except his twin but only via text and they don't even have conversations like one says hello and the other replies and then his brother doesn't reply. And they haven't messaged probably since Feb.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 27/08/2019 22:09

You sound so unsupported. Please do speak to your midwife.
Antidepressants can take a few weeks to kick in and they may need to adjust the dose or switch him to another one if this first one doesn’t suit. Has he agreed to take them? (I struggled to face up to needing the pills to begin with. But they’ve really helped me.)

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 22:15

I agree with wolfiefan completely. I think if he refuses to take the tablets then you may have to inform the crisis team who may need to act further. Initially he may not thank you but further on he will. I do hope the midwife offers you further support as you sound so isolated yourself. Is there a local mind in your area? It could also be worth contacting them for further advice as well

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 22:31

Yes he's agreed to take them.

My sister knows and she said she would help if she could but can't as she took leave from work but some things came up so she can't

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 27/08/2019 22:46

That’s good that he’s said he will take them. I do hope it’s the first step to getting better. I was broken. Think lying in bed and totally unable to work or be a proper parent. Things are totally different now. It takes time and RL support but the medication can help. Please look after you though. Any friends who can be there for you?

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 22:58

He can't be a proper parent either. But today son was playing in his room but he asked OH to play with him and he did but I could tell he didn't want to.

I have a friend who is being really supportive but she's single and has 3 children of her own and she's already doing a lot for us so wouldn't want to ask her to do anymore

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 27/08/2019 23:03

Sometimes all you need is to know there’s someone there. I couldn’t have played with the kids at my worst. Couldn’t get them off to school, feed them and could hardly string a sentence together. It was bloody awful. But not now.
I wish you were my neighbour OP. You sound like you need a cuppa and a cwtch. (a welsh hug that makes everything just a bit better.)

Mikeymoo12 · 27/08/2019 23:13

That's lovely that you have your friend even just having that one person helps. Does your sister understand the seriousness of what is happening for you at the moment? I would definitely contact your local mind tomorrow as well to see what other advice they have and they may even be able to offer support for you too as I think you need it at the moment

Original poster

CornyKitty · 27/08/2019 23:33

She understands the seriousness but she can't get it off work

I'll try to contact mind tomorrow after my appointment with midwife

He isn't talking much either not just about his MH but he isn't talking much about anything

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 27/08/2019 23:36

I could hardly talk at all at my worst. Let the crisis team deal with his MH. Seek support for you. Hope the MW appt goes well.

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