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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Have a termination booked for later today and no unsure, PLEASE advise!

26 replies

avachops · 23/08/2019 08:18

I'm unexpectedly around 5/6 weeks pregnant and am in two minds as to whether to continue with this or not. I found out a week ago and booked my appointment with BPAS for today as I thought in a week's time I would know, but I don't. The thought of continuing with the pregnancy filled me with total dread initially so that I literally didn't sleep a wink for three days, when I booked the appointment for today was the first time I actually felt able to relax which made me think, yes, although this is awful you've made the right decision. However now the day has rolled around and I am filled with dread again, can't work out why. I had a termination a few years ago and although it was hard for me I didn't feel at all on the fence, the minute I got out of the clinic I felt a wave of relief wash over me, and I'm not sure I'll feel like that later.

I don't know why I am filled with dread at the thought of continuing with this - I have just bought a house with my partner and we both have secure jobs. I don't have family near but he does and I think they would be a help. I love DP and he is very, very kind/supportive of me in many ways but our relationship has had really rocky moments when I've been convinced that I'm going to leave him due to lack of "passion" and been on the phone to my mum plotting how to leave - yes, I've just bought a house with him which I do think is the right thing as I want to make things better, but at the same time a house isn't a lifelong commitment in the same way that a child is. I worry that I'd want to leave and that with a baby it would be too late. Partly I think these feelings of mine are due to mental health issues, I have bad anxiety and do not like making decisions, I don't trust my 'gut' as one day I am set on something and the next I will have done a total 180.

Please has anybody been in a similar situation or can anybody just offer some advice? I know I should probably 'amend' my appointment to give myself more time but I honestly don't think I'll ever be sure.

OP posts:

Heismyopendoor · 23/08/2019 08:20

If you are at all in doubt then don’t do it. I had a termination when I was 16. I’m glad I done it but afterwards I spiralled into a terrible depression and lost my job.

Give yourself some more time. What does your DP think?

Original poster

avachops · 23/08/2019 08:23

@heismyopendoor sorry to hear that.

He wanted/wants me to keep it and doesn't understand how I'll feel any differently in another three or five years given that we already have everything we need.

I am so terrified of getting post partum psychosis or something like the women on the Louis Theroux documentary. Just because I see everybody else posting with excitement and all I want to do is go into hiding.

OP posts:

Lweji · 23/08/2019 08:26

I think I'd reschedule anyway if it's this early in the pregnancy.

But be careful of decision by inaction.

I had a son with a husband I wasn't too happy about but we were fairly ok at the time. It ended badly, but DS truly is the best thing ever. I'm sad he had to go through the break-up and his dad is not great, but even in ideal situations we can predict how things will turn out.

Have you discussed it with your partner?

Lweji · 23/08/2019 08:27

Sorry, cross post. But have you talked about your fears with him?

Fortheloveofscience · 23/08/2019 08:30

Don’t go ahead with it if you’re not sure, I think you need to find a counselor to speak to and help you make a decision.

Postpartum psychosis is really, really rare and not a rational reason to decide to terminate. If the worry about psychosis is due to your anxiety and you’re worried pregnancy will damage your mental health then you really need to speak to someone who can explain the support available so you can decide whether you think you’ll be able to cope with it. to you it’s an awful decision to have to make.

Fortheloveofscience · 23/08/2019 08:32

Shit I just realized how ambiguous my post was - I mean don’t go ahead with the termination if you’re not sure, not don’t go ahead with the pregnancy.

littlemeitslyn · 23/08/2019 08:37

'Did it'

ItWentInMyEye · 23/08/2019 08:40

I'd rearrange if you're not sure. I booked a termination with one of my children, went as far as going into surgery and changed my mind there and then. It all worked out fine but it was quite traumatic afterwards thinking how close I'd come to not having the baby.

Projectbanjo · 23/08/2019 08:51

Are you not sure because your not ready for the baby or because the circumstances the baby would come into wouldn’t be what you imagined?
I can say that with bad mental health your decision will plague you either way, there’s not much avoidance of that. Is there any family you can open up to and see what other support will be there if things fall through with your DP

cakecakecheese · 23/08/2019 08:54

You really need to talk all this through properly before any termination happens so I'd reschedule the appointment and try and see a councellor. Or at the very least confide in a non judgemental friend or family member you trust.

oldmumnewmum · 23/08/2019 10:26

reschedule and get some counselling first, do not go ahead with the termination today, this is a major decision and you need to have talked through all your options and worry's first, otherwise whatever you decide you could regret and spiral, if you have counselling now, even if you later feel that you made the wrong decision, at least you'll have the comfort of knowing that you explored all angles xxx

Chanandlersbong · 23/08/2019 11:37

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've not been in your situation so not really qualified to advise. I do think though that you still have time to play with so I wouldn't rush into any decision today. Personally I would cancel. Good luck.

Chocolatedaim · 23/08/2019 11:46

I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I can only offer advice based on my own experience...I had a termination a few years ago, it was a traumatic experience but very much felt like the right decision, whilst it left me sad, I wasn’t ever in any doubt.
If you are having these doubts now I would sit on it for another week or two. It’s never a fun choice but you will know what’s right for you.

Secondly the anxiety. I take medication for anxiety and depression. I had bad PND after Dd was born (but that was prior to taking citalopram) so I was nervous about having it, or worse, again. But the perinatal support I received was fantastic. I was assigned a nurse who went through everything with me, we switched my meds to Sertraline, and since DS has been born I have received excellent support from midwives and health visitors. They are going to continue visiting me for 28days after birth, which is great.
I have never felt better, I honestly feel so content and my DH commented that he doesn’t think he has seen me this happy in years.

All the best

sweetsaltypopcorn · 23/08/2019 11:55

Cancel the termination.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/08/2019 11:59

If you're not sure you need to cancel and give yourself more time. I know the longer you're preg the harder it feels but you need to be sure

Kab30 · 23/08/2019 12:02

If your even thinking about it then don't do it xxxx

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 23/08/2019 12:13

I had a termination when I was absolutely sure and many years later found myself unexpectedly pregnant again. For various reasons, it wasn’t the right time even though I was in a committed relationship and I was pretty sure I didn’t want to continue with the pregnancy. Except I wasn’t 100 per cent sure...

I couldn’t bring myself to have a termination and ended up with a beautiful child. I decided to have another a couple of years later. Parenting is tough, but it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and I love my DC more than anything. I would say if you aren’t sure, don’t do it.

KJ1988 · 23/08/2019 12:46

Please don't go ahead with it if you are not sure.
Time is on your side, take a breath and take some more time to reach your decision. Make sure you address and weigh up all of your worries, get advice and make the decision when you are sure.
Thinking of you today x

Original poster

avachops · 23/08/2019 12:50

Thank you all so much for your replies, you've all been lovely. I went for my consultation and scan and although the nurses were absolutely lovely I just felt very shakey and with a sense that I might regret taking the tablets. I'm 5 weeks 5 days. They have booked me in with a counsellor tomorrow and I have a follow up appointment in 1 week so if I want to go ahead with it it'll still be early days and I'll feel more confident in my decision. Has anyone had this sort of counselling, what sort of things do they ask? I feel absolutely at a loss as to what to do.

OP posts:

barryfromclareisfit · 23/08/2019 12:59

You aren’t sure of your relationship. If you have a child you tie yourself to the man for the next eighteen years. Do you want that?

barryfromclareisfit · 23/08/2019 13:00

Ah, I see I posted too late. Best wishes to you.

Projectbanjo · 23/08/2019 13:53

My friend went to the counselling offered before a termination and choose to continue with the procedure, she did the surgery though so it felt more medical and less traumatic. She has bad mental health, pregnant from a one night stand and no stability so it was for the best in her situation but she said the councillors just aim to see what way your leaning and kind of try to show support whatever the outcome.

All the best and I hope your choice becomes clearer for you ❤️

mummmy2017 · 23/08/2019 14:00

This is your life, your allowed to do either.
Have a quiet walk and think about the future, and what you want.
People will have to go along with it, as that is your right

Original poster

avachops · 23/08/2019 16:50

Following post earlier - I'm now really kicking myself for not just going through with it. I've now got to wait another week for the next available appointment and it's going to be bloody difficult, but ultimately I feel it's right. Partner being very distant now as he had though my walking out was me changing my mind and deciding to keep it, and I think he feels as though as it's all just too much of a headfuck. So dreading the appointment and worried about being broken up with too. Can't speak to my mum as I know she is very judgmental of women who get abortions (especially in my case as I have the 'perfect' life on paper and because I would qualify for maternity pay I therefore must be ready)... really feel like shit.

OP posts:

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 23/08/2019 18:26

If your partner is going to break up with you then he will regardless of when you schedule your termination. If your mother is unapproachable, then that’s just what she is. You are going to feel shitty for the time being whether you do or don’t go through with it. Your situation is shitty and I can see why you feel bad. Nobody wants to deal with an unwanted pregnancy or come to terms with having a baby they didn’t plan or really want before hand.

Take the time to think about what you really want and that’s what you end up doing. In time, you will feel better.

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