I'm unexpectedly around 5/6 weeks pregnant and am in two minds as to whether to continue with this or not. I found out a week ago and booked my appointment with BPAS for today as I thought in a week's time I would know, but I don't. The thought of continuing with the pregnancy filled me with total dread initially so that I literally didn't sleep a wink for three days, when I booked the appointment for today was the first time I actually felt able to relax which made me think, yes, although this is awful you've made the right decision. However now the day has rolled around and I am filled with dread again, can't work out why. I had a termination a few years ago and although it was hard for me I didn't feel at all on the fence, the minute I got out of the clinic I felt a wave of relief wash over me, and I'm not sure I'll feel like that later.
I don't know why I am filled with dread at the thought of continuing with this - I have just bought a house with my partner and we both have secure jobs. I don't have family near but he does and I think they would be a help. I love DP and he is very, very kind/supportive of me in many ways but our relationship has had really rocky moments when I've been convinced that I'm going to leave him due to lack of "passion" and been on the phone to my mum plotting how to leave - yes, I've just bought a house with him which I do think is the right thing as I want to make things better, but at the same time a house isn't a lifelong commitment in the same way that a child is. I worry that I'd want to leave and that with a baby it would be too late. Partly I think these feelings of mine are due to mental health issues, I have bad anxiety and do not like making decisions, I don't trust my 'gut' as one day I am set on something and the next I will have done a total 180.
Please has anybody been in a similar situation or can anybody just offer some advice? I know I should probably 'amend' my appointment to give myself more time but I honestly don't think I'll ever be sure.