"Congratulations. Was it planned?"

[Ginandgingers92]

Why do people ask this?! Usually in the same breath as the initial congrats?!

I don't know if it's just me but I find it really rude!
I also don't see how it's the other person's business or how it would make a difference to their lives if it wasn't!

Had it today, and I wanted to tell that person where to go.. but in that gracious pregnancy announcement glow it's not the done thing is it?!

Am I the only one who outwardly bristles when they hear this?

FWIW.... yes.... it was planned 😂😂

When I went to my gp surgery to book on with midwife for number 3 the receptionist laughed and said 'you'd think you'd of figured out how it happens by now' 🙄. When dc1 was born a friend who I hadn't seen for a longtime asked if he was a little accident. Now Because I already have 2 boys and am pregnant again I get asked constantly if 1) I'm hoping for a girl? Ehhhh no genuinely couldn't care less! And 2) was it planned? FUCK OFF!!!

I have asked this before to a family member. I probably would think twice now.

"Played for and won" was dh response when he was asked this by the hospital.

"No, we haven't worked out how it happens yet", could be the sarcastic response.

Why is it rude to ask about when the baby will be born, though? I don't find this rude.

I’ve had people shout across the road and ask me if I have a tv when I’ve had a child in each hand and a bump very funny. Or how it keeps happening. Erm I was with DH for 9 years before we had DD1 I think we can work that one out.

Having 3 DDs and pregnant with number 4 you can imagine how many trying for a boy comments I got?

My best one ever was: "Do you know who the father is? " from a very high, underaged girl in a nightclub.
She followed it up with "Do you think it will be born liking Dubstep?"
I felt like someone's cool auntie. That was the last time I went clubbing

Christ that's rude!!!

I've only ever asked close friends just because unplanned pregnancies can be a shock and they may want support

This is definitely OK. I have been quite honest about my unplanned pregnancy because it was a shock, & people who know me well have been aware that it probably wasn’t planned so I am happy to confirm that to them. However if a stranger or acquaintance asked, I’d be a bit taken aback!

I hate this I think it’s so rude!

Me and husband have a 17 month old and we got married in June abroad which had planned for a while and had 42 guests.
Our little boy was a little Miracle and we was just about to start IVF when we fell naturally. So we did not expect to fall again in a million years.
So when I got married I was 22 weeks ( now 31) and the amount of people who would say “ obviously it wasn’t planned?” I wouldn’t dream of commenting that to anyone!

the ‘when are you due?’ question is more rude

Really?!

I'm curious to know why people find it rude to be asked when the baby is due. With mine I found this a common but perfectly reasonable question, maybe I'm missing something that I should have been offended by?!

I suppose if you were worried about the pregnancy lasting to term it could be upsetting?

I got this all the time with both my pregnancies (I was married and in my early 30s) I find it very odd. However the one that’s really stuck with me is somebody said when I was expecting dc2 ‘ oh congratulations, I assume you dh is the father?’ I was speechless. I haven’t really spoken to that person since.

@Lastbustowhitehawk someone I used to work with asked a pregnant colleague & then counted back out loud, in front of the rest of our colleagues “So... you must have conceived around the start of February, then? OK” which was super weird. I suppose if people are going to do that then I would avoid answering the question! Currently I’m just saying the month & not being more specific.

I think the PP mentioning 'when' was referring to having been asked 'when will you have a baby?' given the rest of the context of her post, rather than 'when are you due?'

I hate this. Had it first time because we decided to get married while pregnant (we're just unorganised) and having it now second time because DS was only 5 months old when I got pregnant again. Both planned. I was trying for a while with DS and people used to ask a lot 'are you pregnant?' - that should be another banned question. If someone is pregnant and they haven't told you, it's because they don't want you to know yet. If they're not pregnant, you've probably just caused them unnecessary upset.

@occasionalnachos bloody hell people are weird. I've asked that before to make conversation, I hope no-one thought I was doing any pervy arithmetic!

Yes I've had this from old work friends who aren't even proper friends I also get told how it must be a big baby cos I look massive! I actually have a lot of water retention, am not overweight, am only 5"2 and the baby measures bang on 26 weeks thanks.

Yes, i used to get this all the time, especially on #3. Or they'd ask if we tried for a boy (had 2 girls already)

The oddest/funniest one was a relative in her 60s (also a mother of 3) was annoyed that I hadn't told her we would be planning a 3rd, and that she had mistakenly assumed that we'd stick to 2. Sometimes she still says it to me now, 5 years later

I got this loads with this pregnancy, it's my third and we'll have three kids under 5 so people couldn't believe it was planned. Even my best friend said 'oh I assumed it was an accident' when I told her it was planned.

It's so rude.

Oh yes and EVERYONE thinks we are having this one to get a girl as we have two boys already.

Yep 60+ injections, 100+ tablets and pessaries, 10 scans, 4 invasive procedures and two weeks of hell when waiting for the results our IVF baby is very much planned and prayed for!! 🙄 people can be idiots at times!

I have my 12 week scan for my (very unplanned) 4th this week. I am dreading telling people as I know we will get stick from friends and questions from the whole playground and village. What I'm really not looking forward to is the pity and 'how will she cope with 4?' Comments that a friend got, who has recently had her (unplanned) 4th.

I’m yet to properly announce mine but I know I’ll end up telling people where to go! I’m waiting for my 20 week scan Friday and then I might do it! It’s such a rude question to ask! Xx