Stupid, ignorant comments

[WerdyBear]

I am 3 months pregnant and I am sick to the back teeth of people asking me hurtful things such as, 'you sure there's not two in there', 'dont take this the wrong way but you're very big for 3 months', 'that's going to be a big baby isnt it', 'are you sure youre not 6 months', 'remember it has to come out'. How do people cope with such comments?! I am struggling and not enjoying my pregnancy. Everytime i leave the house im anxious for what people will say! Why do people say such nasty shit!? PLEASE dont say these things to any pregnant lady!

I find F off works quite well.

People comment whether you have a big or small bump unfortunately. I’ve a small bump, and am monitored heavily by consultants- I’m 36 weeks and measure 28 but healthy baby that actually on centile isn’t that small.
But I’ve had all the comments - “aren’t you worried that your bump is so small?”
“You jsut look like you’ve eaten a big dinner”
“Is she going to be healthy that small”

I smile laugh and just brush it off..... you’ve literally just got to ignore them... easier said than done but for your own sanity you have too!

Have they started with the birth stories yet?

This is getting me down too! First time round I was told I was too small, didn’t look pregnant. This time round EVERYONE is telling me that I look massive and that it’s bound to be a big baby (i’m having extra growth scans and baby is completely average size if not slightly small so far!).

I feel like asking them what size I should be at this stage? And reminding them that I’m not going to get smaller!

Echo above too. Wait for the birth stories...

@WerdyBear it seems that being pregnant allows people to comment on our bodies doesn't it. It's really ignorant. I so understand why you're upset, it's really not very nice.

Just know that the people saying these things are incredibly ignorant and have no compassion / understanding of how to treat others. Their opinions literally don't matter at all. You could try to educate them and explain that it can be hurtful and upsetting for pregnant ladies to be judged - or you can tell them to mind their own business.

People like to comment on pregnancy and babies. Unfortunately it really is something you need to get used to and either ignore or not let it rile you. I suspect you are a bit sensitive towards weight comments and that’s why you hear so many of them because I’m sure people are also saying all kinds of other things that are going over your head.

I must be alone in that i don't really care. I'm not offended or bothered by such comments, not that I've had very many fortunately.

I get more oftener every time the person at wheel keeps commenting on what I'm eating. Well excuse me mrs i can't be arsed to come to work and call in sick every 5 minutes.

I at 16 weeks an elderly restive if somebody on my husband's side said some of the above to me. I felt like saying it probably not baby, it is just my fat belly!!!

Best thing was, I'd never even met her before.

She also brought up a previous "miscarriage" (it wasn't, it was a tfmr but I'm guessing that's what she was told). No idea why she knew. Or why it was necessary that anybody told her really. Not that it's a big secret i guess.

I was very 😳😳🤯🤯 at first but kept my composure and then just ranted to DH when I got home. I realised none of it was said with malice but I still can't help being peeved when I think about it

Relative *

2 responses I used -

1. I'm not pregnant
2. I have an inoperable cancerous tumour

Both gave the desired effect.......

I'm afraid it gets worse when the babys here.

I wouldn't take it too personally. Enjoy your lovely pregnant body and bump and take it with pinch of salt. People do mean well/dont realise they can be arsey and unfortunately something is always up for discussion.

Congratulations! 😊

I've been told that my bump is very large for how far along I am (Wow, be careful, it will be a big baby, very pregnant looking for how many weeks you are, you'll be enormous by the end, are you worried about birth? and you were always so small, those days are gone etc etc) AND how small my bump is (Are you eating properly? I hope you're putting baby first and getting everything you need, it's about baby now, aren't you worried she'll be very small, have you been checked out etc etc)
... all AT THE SAME PARTY within the space of 20 minutes!!!

Some people are rude and insensitive and have no business commenting... But they also can't really tell by looking at you, everyone has a different opinion and the opinions mean nothing in the end unless they come from your midwife or doctor. Hope you feel better about it soon.

I have an enormous bump and started showing early too. I've had all manner of daft comments but I remember making a few myself when I was young. I think sometimes people are just marvelling at the whole process and also looking for a way to make conversation. You have to learn to brush off these comments because I'm sure you'll only get more of them when you're a parent.

How are you feeling? The first 3 months can be physically tough which I'm sure doesn't help, but hopefully you'll feel better soon.

I'm massive (23 weeks) and a colleague at work is two weeks ahead of me and much smaller. Everyone at work keeps comparing us and saying the same sorts of things as they are saying to you 'are you sure there's only one in there?', 'maybe your dates are wrong' etc etc etc. I've had FOUR scans now so I'm pretty sure on dates and the number of babies!!

Thing is, this is my third baby and I think it's normal to get bigger quicker. I feel like wearing a badge saying that some days!!

😂😂😂

I dont get the comments about the size of my bump, its more the shape and everyone trying to say it looks like a boy bump or a girl bump and crap like that. Still annoying.

First time round I inwardly seethed and got upset.
Next one I'm getting a t shirt printed that says "fuck off with your stupid comments" on it...
seriously, it's infuriating, I hated it and it really got to me. I wish I knew how to switch on the "I don't care" switch.

I've been quite sick and have the headaches but it's not that bad compared to others so I'm trying not to complain and sit quiet with my ginger biscuits haha. How far along are you? Hope you're having a healthy and lovely pregnancy! X @ScarletGlow

Thank you all for your kind messages. I cant believe how many of us are having to listen to these things. It's not right we have to ignore it, i wish i could do something to educate people better but people are really just that ignorant. It's not right. Haven't yet had the birth stories 🙈 if only I could hibernate for these next 6 months haha I wish I could just ignore it and not let it upset me, but the bump/mum shaming is bloody awful. Like we don't have enough to deal with hey x

Thanks! I'm "ready to pop" any day now (one of the silly comments I made to a pregnant woman when I was too inexperienced to know better...) Hope everything goes well for you too

I really don’t get why people feel the need to comment, especially family members. I’ve been told I’m huge and I’ve eaten all the pies. Someone yesterday said to me surely you can’t get any bigger (I’m 36+5 so I probably can!).
We are doing an incredible thing, we’re growing a human being, we should be worshipped!!
The belly touchers are the worst, it’s my body, keep your hands off.

I still don't get why people are so offended by these comments. It's not like your bump size is really in your control, so no need to feel like they're judging you for something that you have/haven't done. Just let it wash over you.

Also don't get why many of you are saying that people saying such comments are ignorant and rude. Maybe they're just surprised and sharing their surprise. Maybe they're just having a little joke with you. Maybe they just want to fill the silence. Maybe they're trying to bond with you. Whatever the reason.... it's something we all do (not necessarily about pregnancy). Everybody on this entire earth gossips or talks about other people/things/appearances etc. I bet you've all said something that offended someone at some stage and you just weren't aware of it.

Sigh. Just smile and nod and get on with your day.

I don't tend to talk about being pregnant to anyone but my partner and parents in RL. if someone starts a conversation I tend to just nod and agree or give a little laugh then think no more on it. I take the approach of if in doubt check the nhs website or with your midwife and anything else I'm not interested in. this place is great for recommendation or opinions on products and experiences though so I don't even ask friends or family for that. I've really found the positive birthing pack has helped keep me calm in preparation for giving birth and reading what to expect when your expecting. I think it's just an easy thing for people to strike up a conversation about but I knew I would be bored senseless if that's the only thing people spoke to me about so diverting and cutting short conversations helps!

For me I hate when I see someone I’ve not seen for a little while and they go ‘eeee look at the size of you’
... so I have started saying ‘I could say the same about you’ And it shuts them up.
Pregnancy opens up an invisible door of commentary that’s usually not wanted! Best advice would be to ignore - I’m a few weeks away and gritting my teeth and batting away unwanted hands!

@WerdyBear I guess you didn’t get the memo that being pregnant make you public property?!

I hated those comments. I had small neat bumps with both ds and Dd. So many people asked me whether I had my dates right, whether I was worried about the babies, bump hadn’t dropped the day before due date so I obviously had longer to go (Dd was born on her due date 11 days ago) etc etc.

Oh and the birth stories. No one I know had a straightforward birth. All the horror stories.